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Yesterday the alarm was set for 6.30. Nick was awake before me, quelle surprise, so I was up and chivvied along before I could even get my eyeballs open. It wasn't until I was partway ready, and my eyes started to focus, that I noticed it was only 6 oclock!! That little sh1t had been too excited to sleep AGAIN so decided to wake me up. Unsurprisingly, I was not sharing his enthusiasm. We were loaded up and on the road by 7.30. What sort of holiday is this!? I'm out of the door earlier than I am on a work day. We stopped en route to the Grand Canyon so we could pick up a Starbucks. Makes a change eh? For the first time since we got here they got my name wrong. My cup came up with 'Rose' emblazoned on the side. In fairness, I've been called wore things.
It should have been a couple of hours drive but, with a couple of wee stops, it was almost 10 by the time we arrived. We parked the car and followed signs to the rim. It was so busy. I don't know why I expected it to be any different but I did. It cost $30 too. Again, I don't know why but I wasn't expecting to pay. We followed the throngs of people all heading in the same direction. It was brilliant sunshine but ever so windy and the temperature had dropped to 54 degrees. I looked like a right knob. I was convinced it would be hot so I donned my flip flops, shorts and a strapless top. To my utter horror everyone else was wearing a combination of hiking gear and ski wear!! The best I could come up with was my hoodie. Not really sure if that helped go be honest. I looked like I'd got dressed in a power cut. With feet like lumps of ice I flip-flopped along. Right into the path of a tarantula! Not just any old spider, which would have been bad enough, but no, a big, fat, black, hairy tarantula. At which point someone else pipes up, 'oh look! Its only a baby'. Feck right off, that lot of ya. Quick as a flash Nicks nearly on top of the little bleeder with the Gopro. Why? I didn't want to see it in the first place so I'm as sure as sh1t that I'm not going to want to watch it on a 49 inch HD tv! We're at the Grand Canyon. Possibly one of the 7 wonders of the world, and there was a bigger crowd gathered round old incy p1ssing wincy!
The view points along the south rim were packed mainly with French or Chinese. Strange combination o thought. Anyone would think the place was about it evaporate, that amount of pushing and shoving that went on. Everyone clamouring for photos or selfies. It was actually quite chaotic. Putting that aside the view was absolutely phenomenal. Pictures just so do it justice. The sheer size of it, and all the different colours of the rocks. I took loads of pictures and we got some film but before we came away I saw a sign that said 'don't take pictures, don't talk, just stand and look'. So I did just that. Just stood and looked. The no talking thing lasted less than a minute cos Nick said it was rubbish but at least I tried. Before getting there I thought we'd need an hour, tops, and we' be back on the road. In reality we were there over 2 hours. Time stood still but also flew by, if that's even possible. I have no idea what we were doing for so long. Clearly scrutinising a spider and peering into a huge hole in the ground is more enthralling than I realised. It was brilliant. Well worth the trip. I was utterly unprepared for how amazing it would be. If our pictures are half as good as the real thing they will be spectacular. We're thinking of getting a massive frame and making a California mosaic thing for the living room.
Back on the road again and it's time for lunch. What a performance that turned into. We decided we fancied pizza hut. We found one but missed the exit off the motorway. Decided to keep going to the next services. They never came. Found some weird and wonderful towns along the way but none that inspired us to leave the car in search of grub. Typically, because we'd set out hearts on pizza, there wasn't any for miles around. We were just over an hour outside Vegas before we finally stopped. By which time it wasn't really lunch anymore, more like dinner. The pizza hut was old fashioned with dark wood and jars of parmesan. Just like we used to have in the early 1990s. We stuffed ourselves on salad, garlic bread and pizza. Delicious. Set us up nicely for the last leg of our journey.
Valet parking at the hotel is a god send and it seems to be free to hotel guests. I'm sure the bloke made a mistake but I'm saying nothing. Check in was quick and easy. We've got a king corner room on the 22nd floor. The room is massive and the views are marvellous. The corridors all reek of pot though so there's clearly something amiss. We were both knackered, as per usual, so agreed that we'd go easy. Have have a little look around then an early night. 1oclock this morning we fell through the door p1ssed as farts. We had a look round the casino and went out onto fremont street to see what was happening. Alcoholic slush puppies is what was happening. They were everywhere in every conceivable flavour. After 5 minutes of people watching I concluded that Vegas is in fact F*cked up and so are the people in it. Except us obvs! It's really hard to describe unless you've been here. There's buskers dressed as super heroes, women with their t1ts out and holiday makers, most of which have clothes 5 sizes too small! Nick was dead set on getting picture of the women 'for the boys'. Right ho. Little liar. To calm himself after that excitement he bought a beer and a gargantuan, bright red, strawberry slush puppy. It nearly took my head off! We dawdled along Fremont street, watched the light show and as luck would have it, we happened upon an Elvis tribute act. After my huge slush I was getting right into the swing of it and, in no time at all, I was swaying along to the music, sing a few of the lyrics of songs I know oh so well. Nick, in his infinite wisdom, got me a smaller red slush and then followed it up with a blue one. By which time I was away with the fairies. Prancing about and screaming out Elvis songs like my life depended on it. I know for a fact that I had turned into one of the maniacs that I have mocked so many times while we were watching Youtube videos. Give me strength. This is exactly why I tend not to drink. By the time the fat little Elvis had finished I couldn't feel my legs and I could hardly see. Luckily though I could see just well enough to poke a hotdog down my neck. Just what I needed. So much so that I made Nick buy me a second one so I could take it home with me. A good time was had by all. Having said that, I'll be steering clear of too many cocktails in future. It's all so hilarious at the time but the aftermath is not a pretty sight.
When I got up this morning I looked and felt like death. My head was banging and I felt so sick. Nick on the other hand was bright as a button and ready for his brekko. I staggered along the road to Hash a gogo. I had scrambled egg with ham and spinach and crispy littler taters. I couldn't eat it though, I just felt too manky. Nick knew exactly what he wanted before we even got there. It was the most enormous chicken thing that Adam from Man v food recommended. He loved it. He didn't eat all of it and just looking at it was enough to make me want to heave.
Spent the rest of the day by the pool and we're still here. We had a beer earlier and a couple of dips in the freezing pool. I've been reading my book and Nick was playing on his phone Then he picked up his book too and my peace was shattered. He's readying Del boys life story so all he does is laugh then read the funny bits to me.
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