As brick walls go this is a biggie. In VSO training they said that after 2-3 months we would hit a wall. After the initial excitement of arriving and settling in, we would reach a point of doubt. That's where I now find myself. Unfortunately the wall has arisen at Christmas time and at the point of being diagnosed with osteoarthritis (in both knees). So a mixture of severe knee pain, homesickness and crisis of ability means I am struggling hard to climb over this particular wall. I really do miss my grandkids. Never have I been closer to booking a plane ticket home! I do sometimes think of some of the other volunteers I trained with who will be experiencing more fundamental difficulties in terms of daily life and think it should not feel that bad for me, but it's not working!

Now I've depressed you I have to say its not all bad of course! I have just been to Beijing to the volunteer expo and to meet up with other volunteers working in China; and found that really useful and a relief. There are some common issues here in China around volunteering. The fact that a lot of volunteering here is actually unpaid work and there is an element of compulsion in many areas. All of this is in built into the culture here and the concept of volunteering freely offered is not as clear cut as it should be. Many volunteer centres are government run or part of the communist youth league and there is a need for more grassroots volunteering; something my project is trying to tackle. The top down approach is also endemic in corporate volunteering and there is a lot of work to be done to try and find the right balance. It has prompted me however to speak to my project about revisiting its aims for volunteering so we can be clear on the way forward.

Nice to be able to get to know my fellow volunteers a bit more - and have a decent glass of wine! Didn't get any sightseeing done though - lack of time, sore knees and -15 degrees put paid to that. I have a few days break coming up and off to Guilin for a bit of tourism that I hope will lift the spirits.

On arriving back into the Shenzhen office one person brought me a gift because she had thought I was gone to Beijing permanently and wasn't coming back - so sweet. They really are the most inclusive group of people and always manage to lift my spirits. I was also told the other day that I am not a foreigner but a member of the family.

In the meantime I am busily writing an impact assessment report and the volunteer manager's handbook so keeping busy. I am also working on some one-to-one coaching for the new volunteer team.

On the upside - I found some Weetabix and digestive biscuits in the supermarket. Never thought I could get so excited about cereal!

Keep climbing!