THE TOURIST'S PRAYER

Our Heavenly Father, look down on us, your humble, obedient servants, doomed to travel this earth taking photographs, mailing postcards, and walking around in drip dry underwear.

We beseech thee, Oh Lord, to see that our luggage is not lost, and that our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.

Protect us from unscrupulous taxi drivers, porters and unlicensed English speaking guides.

Give us this day divine guidance in the selection of our hotels, that we may find our reservations honoured, our rooms made up, and hot water in the taps.

We pray that the telephone works, and that operators somewhere speak English, and that there is no mail waiting for us from our loved ones needing money.

Lead us, Oh God, to good, inexpensive restaurants, where the food is good, the waiters are friendly, and the wine is included.

Give us the wisdom to tip correctly incurrencies we don't understand, and forgive us for undertipping out of ignorance and overtipping out of fear.

Make the natives love us for what we are, and not for what wordly goods we can bring them.

Give us the strength to visit the museums, catherdrals, palaces and castles listed as a "must" in the guide books. And if, per chance, we take a nap after lunch, or skip a historic monument, have mercy on us, for our flesh is weak.

Please, God, keep our wives from spending sprees and protect them from bargains they do not need, or can afford. Lead them not into temptation, for they know not what they do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women, and comparing them to us. Save them from making a fool of themselves in cafes and night clubs. Above all, do not forgive them their trespasses, for they know exactly what they do.

And when our travels are over, and we return to our loved ones, grant us the favor that someone will look at our videos, and listen to our stories, so that our lives as tourists will not have been in vain. Amen.