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Operation Koh SamuiMay 12-19In order to get from Laos in to Thailand overland, i had to first get to the capital city of Laos, Vientiane.As bus journeys went, this was a breeze at around 5 hrs. i had booked on the "VIP" bus.Travelling over here, you learn that VIPcould mean anything. I don't think they have ever heard of trading standards, and would either laugh at you or shoot you if complained about anything in an attempt to compare it to what we are used to back in the UK.You have to give them credit, they just make it up as they go along, or just tell you what you want to hear. In fact, no different from any major UK company, the only difference is you dont get as stressed about it over here.So the ViP bus turns up, and it was as i suspected, a right bag of old nails, but it did at least have some sort of air con. The flaps on the side where you put your luggage where broken, but after some kicking of a few rucksacks and a piece of chicken wire, we set off convinced we would leave a trail of rucksacks behind us, but not before jamming up the aisle with some stuff to deliver, and collection of the driver's family, so the coach was well and truly overloaded with people, baggage, kids and food.Vientiane is not in any way what i had imagined a capital city to be, it is still low rise old buildings, so far mostly untouched by the west.Bizarrely the cost of accomodation shot up, and the quality went down, so seeing as there was not much here for me to see, i booked the first train out of town the next day.The Thai border is literally 10 minutes from town, a quiet affair, seperated by a river and the "Friendship" bridge.Once on the thai side, you could feel straight away thatyou were back in the land of smiles, the security guards were busy playing "catch" with the drug sniffer dog, and for once i arrived without incident.There are no trains in Laos, so as soon as you get over the bridge in to Thailand you can get a train from the station there.Seeing as it was the first and main station in to Thailand, i thought it would be really busy and massive, but it was a little affair out in the middle of nowhere with a couple of platforms and a few people wandering around.There was a few hours to kill before the train left at 6pm, so there was a little shack opposite, and i was pleased to have my head blown off with a spicy Thai salad. They really know how to use a chilli.It was an overnight train to Bangkok, so 14 hrs later i arrive all hot and sweaty, having hardly slept, and had to decide where i was going next.Should i have a couple of days in Bangkok, go to Koh Samui or Krabi??ooh decisions decisions.Luckily i had bought a travel book from a gay man who had a book shop in vientiane, and i read up that the nearest place to Koh Samui is a place called Suret Thani, and from there you have to get a bus to the ferry terminal, and then from there a ferry to the island.As i arrived in Bangkok, i asked at the ticket desk and they do an all in one ticket that takes you straight there.Decision made, i booked it. The Train left at 10 and arrived at 4.30 and i assumed i could link straight up with a ferry and be in koh samui that night. 27 hrs of non stop travel, but i am a rock hard traveller now.............But Unfortunately, everything runs on "Thai" time, which meant the train got in at half 5 and missed the connection with the last ferry. There was no ferry now until 6 the next morning.Great. It was lashing it down with rain so i had to opt for the nearest hotel, called the "queen". Ironically the owner was the biggest queen around. A tiny little Thai man with red hair and continuously pouted lips.The cheapest room was as i suspected, awful, but i was exhausted and was going to be up early anyway, so it did not really matter.There is a bit of a side story that involves 3 Thai Girls i met on the train who were off to Koh Samui to find "work" (obviously nothing to do with bars etc)there, and they wanted to hang around with me and suggested we reduce the cost of the rooms by sharing????But you will have to speak to me seperately on that one.So anyway, the next day comes and finally i arrive in Koh Samui, 2 days after leaving Laos. i was a bit worried about the ferry crossing, as the ferry is a small boat, and the area was still experiencing the tail end of the cyclone, but luckily it was not too bad.Just as i got off the pier, there was the usual fight for taxis, and selling hotels, but i saw a motorbike hire place and decided to rent a bike and make my own way around. After all the island is not so big, and i really was not up to arguing over taxi fares.I could choose between a nice new automatic, or save 50p by getting an old manual. So i saved that 50p and shot off on this knackered old honda and realised after the first bend that the brakes did not really work, and it made a funny noise, and the suspension dampers were totally shot, so it was like riding a bucking bronco. So with full regard to my safety and well being, i pulled over for a beer to deliberate if i could really be arsed going back and changing it.
as i walked in the bar, a girl waved me over to sit next to her. Obviously this happens all the time back in the UK, so as cool as joey,in Friends, she got a "how you doin?" with a cheesy grin and head nod.
Somehow i got the feeling that my smooth as silk chat up line and extreme BO had little affect on the potential outcome of the situation.
Obviously she had no alterior motives,,,,,,,, but i kept getting distracted by the shortness of her skirt to actually listen to what she was really saying.Anyway, i was really suprised to learn that she worked in a bar and wanted me to go see her that night.....Ha ha, anyway, she bought me lunch, and that is something i am definitely not used to.So clearly after seeing her legs, my health and safety issue with the honda was no longer at the top of my agenda and off i headed to my resort destination after taking 50 goes to kickstart it.There is only one main road around the island, but they are not really roads as we know them, and i managed to get a bit lost. Also i had assumed that you could see the beach from the road, and this is what i kept looking for until i ran out of island.The hire place had given me a map, so idecided it was time to use it. It was red hot and i had my massive ruck sack on as well so i wanted to just find somewhere to stay now.I found a really nice hotel right on the beach, but i thought i would check out one more. This one was further away from the beach, but as i stood in reception, the door of the nearest room opened and a girl came out laughing and screaming as a bloke smacked her bum.I will take it, i said to the woman.The room in question belonged to 3 Danish guys who had been here a couple of weeks and they invited me to join them later out on the town and to show me the ropes. Sounded good to me.There are bars on the beach, some great clubs, and the next 3 days were all a bit of a blur from what i can remember...........They met some friends who were professional poker players, and seemed happy blowing all their winnings on booze, and whoever was in the group so even though i still spent way too much, they picked up most of the tabs. Boy can they drink. Ihad to call it a day at 6am while they were still lining up the shots..........My original plan of staying for 2 days went a bit wayward for some reason.i decided that i should actually see more of the island than just bars, so took my trusty honda up in to the mountains. one minute you are on a concrete road, the next a dirt track. Not much use with a honda moped. Then i went to see a waterfall and a 5 foot snake shot out on to the path in front of me. Good job there was no one around as i let out a bit of a scream. Then a lizard shot out from the undergrowth and i screamed even louder and proper filled my pants.
So the big mountain adventure was not all i had built it up to be, was it a sign from god that i should not feel guilty about all day drinking and loose women?
I was quite happy to go home, but then i got lost and the dirt track turned in to a moto cross circuit.Then it started to rain.How i did not crash it or wreck it i do not know.You are spoilt for beaches here, and you have to look hard to find a bad one.All of them have massage areas on the beach as well, so you can be staring out to sea with a beer in your hand and get a nice oil massage all at the same time, all for under a fiver.I would happily stay here a few more weeks (years), but time, stamina, finances and the fear of not going to heaven, force me to move on south.Next stop................Krabi on the west coast.
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