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Go to your room - Yangtse tour 14th-17th april
So i fall out of my bunk in a trance, to see a heard of people running up and down the hall as if they had been paid a million pound each to act out the titanic scenes. (when it had crashed, obviously)
Turns out they had tannoyed that breakfast was being served.
The bloke in the room with me holds my hand (no, don't worry, they do that alot) and takes me to the monkeys tea party that is chock a block. he wanders from table to table with me but sadly i felt like sweet baby jesus in the belly of mary, as there was no room at the in.
the noise was deafening, and we end up next to the serving area and they all start shouting at each other.
he looks at me as if to say sorry and i hand over 6 Ruan (about 50p) and i then act out the scene from oliver twist as i am given a bowl of water with rice, a boiled egg and some peanuts and dumplings.
the man from the room then tries his best in english to say that i will have to take it to the room, (as there is no room at the monkey tea party) but it just comes out with him pointing and saying
"go loom".
happy days, another day of trauma i am thinking as i struggle to stop my egg rolling off the plate as i attempt to climb the stairs against the frenzy of oncoming chinese tourists running for their free food.
another tannoy, (don't forget these are all in chinese) and then everyone starts fighting to get off as we dock,
and i am waved to follow.
Turns out there was a trip organised and i was actually included in this one. It was a trip up one of the side gorges, and it was very picturesque.
we stopped off and i took a picture of some tiny chickens on one of the stalls, and the cow bag running the stall saw her opportunity, and started screaming at me to pay for the photo. so i bought a beer off her to shut her up.
Back to the boat, and i managed to break the ice by buying a load of beer, and even though no one understood a word each other was saying, we all got hammered.
For some reason they cant just relax and drink a drink nice and leisurely, everything has to be a chink of glasses and "gambe" (down in one) and another cigarette.
And i am not kidding, they do this every couple of minutes. I was getting tired of it after a while, as everytime i just sat back in my chair to watch the world go bye, i had to lean forward and smile, and take another cupfull of beer and another super strong cigarette.
Well i did not have to, but it was either that or the gas chamber staring at either the enormous purple underpants in the shower, or the crazy screaming tv channels.
So off to bed looking forward to a nice lay in and a nice lazy day of doing nothing, but sitting on the deck and chilling out with some nice fresh air and beautiful scenery.
next day was the stampede again at 7am, but i was awake anyway, as i had been awake all night due to the olympic snore gold medallist beneath me.
i declined another oliver twist experience and went back for a kip.
mass exodus again at lunch time, and we are all off to see an "ancient" Ming temple,
or rather made from blue circle cement, with i feel, a mix of 4 to 1.
You can read about it in the ancient history, how the mighty ming dynasty founded the cement business.
Hmmm, now i am more than sceptical.
it was super dooper hot, cracking the flags as my mum says, so deciding i was fat and needed the exercise, i walked all the way up and down this mountain, and then went back to the boat and cracked open a couple of beers and fryed on the deck, and then realised i had over done it and had to go for another kip.
the evening was nice and cool, and i sauntered down to the on board shop and treated myself to some cat treats.
Those of you who have had/know cats will be familiar with a brand called "thomas" and they do some fish treats.
well, that is what i had in some sort of chilly sauce, and some little bread things.
cracking eh?
oh well, i stayed up and had a few beers with the other bloke in the cabin, and then it looked as though we were all having an early night as we needed to be up early in the morning, as we were being kicked off at 7am.
So off i went to bed, and all was well and then next.......................who was to know just how early we would be up........
The Jeremy Clarkson Incident..............
An incident i feel sure that will not be bettered this trip.
If it is, then i will definitely be flying home early.
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