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2011: A mark, a mission, a brand, a scar. Change is inevitable and its breaking my teeth with an iron fist. To continue with the many firsts of my life that occurred in 2010, My first Christmas with out my family, my first New year with out a kiss at midnight from that special someone, my first REAL cross country flight over mountains, through clouds and picking up ice on my wings. Its even my first time NOT making a new years resolution or even getting a new monthly planner and filling out all the useless information for the upcoming year in it… I mean, that's what my blackberrys for anyway right? Whats it gonna say? Day one, maybe fly, day two, maybe fly, day three, maybe fly. Okay I think you get the picture.
Im still keeping my eye on the prize, wait, what was the prize again?? Face it, im lost. Again. Ive accomplished it all! even more than "it all"! I hiked a freaking canyon, im writing a book, im traveling the world, I have all the love and support from soooooo many friends! TONS of friends! Even more of them scattered across the US now. But im still doing it alone. I once read that All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. SO KILL ME ALREADY THEN! UGH! Its just that Im stuck in the melancholy part right? Maybe im actually dying right now. No not for real, hypothetically, this must be my lull, my transition from one life to another.
Im a million miles from home and im still haunted by drama. I have so much I want to write about that's on my mind but where do I start? Heres a crazy story, Joe had a fuel stop in Amarillo in the convair and it still feels like a dream that I saw him and he held me. He got to give me a chirstmas present in person. When we went on one of our many excursions last summer, we went up into this light house where all the original furniture was kept. It was roped off but on the fragile night stand, there was an old old book I swiped up and opened, it was called "the girl aviators motorbutterfly" printed in the early 1900s. well, leave it to Joe to find a copy of that very book for me. As if seeing him wasn't enough, even for the whole 20 minutes we got before we both had to depart to our airplanes. We kept walking away from eachother on the tarmac then running back for one last kiss. I love watching him take off in that monster of a plane, its so oddly romantic to see him fly.
Focus Aubrey! No boys allowed in the womens flying club! It sucks, I hate it, I love it, I mean I love flying but I hate being away from everyone I love.so this is what it means when they say "how am I suppose to be happy, when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price". You will not be happy to know, I gave in on the drinking new years eve. I was stressed, depressed, and all the wrong reasons as to why I picked up that first beer. I was safe, I was with my crew and I didn't drive so, whats the big deal? It was a holiday, and I was responsible. Im NOT feeling guilty this time! (but I do no matter how much I say I don't) I miss Brittany, Kalyn and Lindsay like crazy. These three girls are my neck, spine and tail bone. They keep me upright and strong. Where are you girls!!! Im fading. Great start to the new year… I CAN say, despite my haziness, im the strongest I have ever been! Nothing will stand in my way of whatever it is im trying to do/searching for/wanting…whatever! You get it! You get it cuz if your reading this your one of the very FEW that understand my twisted mind. Que sera sera, if you don't know what it means, look it up! Im off to finnish dying to my past life so I can be born into this new life, or whatever.
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France
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Aunt Abby Ah...such is life. When your book is published I will need you to sign a copy for me. Can't wait to read it, your skills amaze me and I am sure I will find it very entertaining. Love you. Don't fret...when you come back home it won't take long to realize not much has changed ( I mean that in a good way).
Mama Willis Love the refueling stop Joe made! That's a neat love story and I can picture you two saying goodbye on the tarmack and then each riding off in the sunset in your planes!
Julez Love LOve LOVe LOVE your blogs Aubz.