I finally cried. I went 4 months so far and with my mother on the phone today , I just started sobbing uncontrollably. I have had dreams about the same person for the past two weeks and everything to do with home has been stuck in my mind. We moved from Amarillo to Longview, a small texas town between Dallas Texas and Shreveport Louisiana. The flying here has been absolute hell. The turbulence wrenched my back and shook my nerves as if I was a mere Barbie doll helplessly strapped to a kid brothers remote control airplane. One of the days I swore up and down on the radios and told mother -nature to piss off. I quit mid-project and landed. In this job, given the circumstances, the bosses understood, but what I just pulled would NEVER fly with any other flight operation. I betterbuckle down and learn to calm my nerves in situations like that a little better.

…AND THEN the snow came. Two days ago it was 73 degrees, and now I stair out the window at white. This is were my emotions are completely torn in two. I hate the fact that we are grounded again, that im in texas and theres freaking snow on the ground utter disappointment wraps itself around my brain. But my heart, my heart beats with a tiny bit of relief when I look at all the snow. We have flown for so many days in a row its nice to know we have a break. Plus the blanket of white reminds me of home. Just a tiny bit of satisfaction sits deeply in my chest.

The other night, the crew and I went out for a much needed nightlife adventure in Shraveport LA. The lovely model Naomi at the front desk of the FBO suggested Pheonix Underground. A night club open til 6am! Needless to say we totally left at the usual 2, there was no way we were all staying up that late. I think the funnest part was shopping before hand to dress up Ben. Hes like kimmy and I's baby brother <3 we just love picking on him and dancing with him and picking out girls in the club for him to dance with hahaha! The bartender there was a gorgeous blonde who did communications for the USAF. She chatted with us about the military for a good portion of the night. My only regret was doing backhand springs on the dance floor, I cracked my hand pretty good so I think im officially retiring gymnastics from the clubs… I know, I can be crazy.

Back to my sob story from today, I have officially realized, that I cannot wait to settle down. Theres a difference in being tamed and being settled. I refuse to be tamed. My life is one big adventure, but I have also realized, that no place in the world can compare to the people I love and wish to be around for the rest of my life. Even if I don't have that perfect man yet. Im happy with me, and me being around my friends and family makes me the happiest of all. im rested and recharged and ready to finish this journey, but I haven't quite given up the hunt for my soulmate. Which I NEED to give up soon because I know that when you give up, everything falls in your lap when you least expect it. Good and bad. I guess im always expecting it right now, so im detaching, not fully detached yet, but im getting there. I have so much to work on still with myself. I can say it, now I have to DO it.