Well, at the risk at this becoming more of my therapy than a travel blog.. i guess that was always gonna happen... but yep, I'm off on a rant.

What a week... well i've started a new show, if you can call it that. Barbie as The Island Princess at Melbourne Zoo. Nice to be working as an actor again, not exactly stimulating, but nice to not have to go to an office or doing a rubbish promo job.

the one thing taking up most of my thoughts right now, apart from the millions of others such as i want more work? what can i do to get it? where am i gonna live next yr? is everyone ok at home? blah blah blah... is a guy. SURPRISE! all my lovely friends will be so shocked at this, I know, I am so well balanced and never have any men probelsm so what could I possibly be talking about.. and then you realise you are reading Alex's blog (dont know why i wrote that in the 3rd person) and not another of your friends and I hear you cry "not again!"

so yeah, MEN SUCK! have i mentioned that? its been the hardest few weeks. so Trent has a girlfriend. why do i care??????? god after everything this guy has done I still go to the lunch with him, i still get drunk with him and I still cry my eyes out when he tells me he is seeing someone! god! i need to get a grip. i am actually angry with myself because i allowed him to once again tell me he loves me, tell me he wants me and then... TELL ME HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND! OH MY GOD! ok i'm over it now, and actually thats the biggest breakthrough in its self. i text him the next day and said we cant be friends, we cant be in touch anymore so goodbye! GOOODDDBYYYEEE!!!! FINALLY!!!

and then on to the next problem.. ANOTHER MAN!!! from one problem to another. now i cant go into this one, its way too comlicated and if i havent told you about it its not because i dont want to its because its such a long winded story and i dont want to bore you. Those who I have bored with it! haha bad luck and u should feel honoured that I love you that much to tell you my deepest darkest secrets.. Ruth put your red pen away! so... its not good and I finished it. and I cried and cried and once again felt my heart ripped out.. just a few days after the whole Trent thing. Now am I really feeling hurt because I've lost someone I love or because I am tired of of not feeling wanted???

i can probably answer that but I do feel that this time, with the one I just finished with, I actually do feel like we could have had something but circumstances are the we cant.. so I invited him round again last night! WHY??????????????????????????????? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? LOL but it actually put me in a good place. I want crying, he was, I wasnt.