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Back Home in the UK - Bedfordshire
Wow! I have travelled Spain, Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore,
Hong Kong and China and now I am back home in the UK and have been for 9 days.
Have things changed since my leaving and my return? Of course they have - I
now know who I am, what I want and where I am going - I have a reflection in
the mirror. I think as I got older, I became comfortable and content with
my life, but I wanted more. I felt I deserved more. I have worked
hard over the years, but in my mind I always thought that I had never worked
hard enough and could still work harder. It took me a while, but 4 weeks ago
whilst in China I actually realised how much time I spent in the eyes of others;
it was always about everyone else. How can I help everyone else, how can
I make everyone happy... I spent countless hours cancelling my own
private and very important appointments, even hospital appointments for others,
why? Because I saw everyone else as more important than me. I was living my
life with a shadow looking back at me in the mirror - I did not even know what
I looked like. My inability to say no to others had taken over my
life! Rushing between jobs over the years, but still trying to pick
people up on route, doing all night stay awakes to finish course work and get
it in on time, working on work projects instead of doing course work for the
welfare and benefit of others. Taking on more than my mind and body could
actually cope with and handle, but never asking for help, never saying no... I
became a robot. My feelings were no longer valid, everyone assumed that I
was ok, that I was well, that I had unlimited time and was always
available. But I knew that was not the case. Not only this, people
treated me as if I had no feelings, spoke to me as if I had no feelings, made
assumptions about me, rather than have the courtesy to ask. Its ok for you they
would always say. Just as no-one can ever walk in my shoes; I can never
walk in anyone else’s, because God placed them in those shoes. So how was it ok
for me?
What do I know now? I know that life is about choices, we choose who
we let in our lives, we trust that people will be open and honest - and we
choose to believe in them and what they say, we choose our social groups, who
we hang out with, we choose what we eat, we choose whether we go down to the
gym and exercise, we choose how much time we are willing to allocate to others
though the usage of boundaries, we can choose our career path by spending time
increasing our knowledge, working hard, setting goals and reaching those
goals. We choose whether we want to give up, our success is based on the
limits and walls that we build in front of us and not by anyone else.
However, we cannot choose our family, whether we suffer from illness and
when we die, but we have a choice as to how we work as a family unit, how we
improve and work together for the better. We can choose to be positive
and make the most of what we have.
I know who my friends are, who my real friends are, I know how much time I
can allocate to friends and family, work, exercise, spiritual time, study and
providing help and support. If I say 'no', does that make me a bad
person?? Or is it true that I have another important appointment.
It may not be important to the individual, but it is important to me.
I have visited friends and family and things have changed for some and for
other the last two months might as well have been two minutes because nothing
has changed, nothing has been forgiven or forgotten. These are the people
I worry about and pray for the most. To them time is invaluable, yet we
only get one life and one chance... Do you think the time spent writing this
blog will ever be given back to me?? The seconds tick by on the clock, 60
seconds gone, never to be given back. Once time has gone my friend you
will never ever get it back as God is my witness, yet we let time pass us by,
spend it having historical arguments, worrying about what might happen trying
to predict things that may never ever happen. How much time do you spend
worrying about what other people may think, avoiding constructive critcism that
can help you improve you as a person? Are we a world that is running
scared? Ask yourself this - If I died today, did I do everything that I
wanted to do, see everything that I wanted to see, spent quality time with
those most important to me, tell someone that you like or even love them -
although they may not feel the same way about you?
Think about the journey that you are on;
Think about all those people that you want to board your train and share
your journey with you?
Think about all those words that you bottle up inside and worry about
saying?
Think about how much time you waste trying to predict things that never
happen?
Think about how many times you have historical arguments, dragging up past
events that belong in the past and not in the present?
And finally, how many times do you focus on negative rather than
positive?? Are you letting the negative rule the way you live your
life? Focus on positive and positive things happen, focusing on negative
only brings negative things.
We all have a choice, important things happening in our lives - both good
and bad, but we have limited time. We are not going to be around for ever
and neither is everyone else. If you only had 60 minutes left, what would
you do with each minute, how and who would you spend it, who would you call,
how would you use it?I know how I would
use it.
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