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Back Home in the UK - Bedfordshire
Wow! I have travelled Spain, Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong and China and now I am back home in the UK and have been for 9 days.
Have things changed since my leaving and my return? Of course they have - I now know who I am, what I want and where I am going - I have a reflection in the mirror. I think as I got older, I became comfortable and content with my life, but I wanted more. I felt I deserved more. I have worked hard over the years, but in my mind I always thought that I had never worked hard enough and could still work harder. It took me a while, but 4 weeks ago whilst in China I actually realised how much time I spent in the eyes of others; it was always about everyone else. How can I help everyone else, how can I make everyone happy... I spent countless hours cancelling my own private and very important appointments, even hospital appointments for others, why? Because I saw everyone else as more important than me. I was living my life with a shadow looking back at me in the mirror - I did not even know what I looked like. My inability to say no to others had taken over my life! Rushing between jobs over the years, but still trying to pick people up on route, doing all night stay awakes to finish course work and get it in on time, working on work projects instead of doing course work for the welfare and benefit of others. Taking on more than my mind and body could actually cope with and handle, but never asking for help, never saying no... I became a robot. My feelings were no longer valid, everyone assumed that I was ok, that I was well, that I had unlimited time and was always available. But I knew that was not the case. Not only this, people treated me as if I had no feelings, spoke to me as if I had no feelings, made assumptions about me, rather than have the courtesy to ask. Its ok for you they would always say. Just as no-one can ever walk in my shoes; I can never walk in anyone else's, because God placed them in those shoes. So how was it ok for me?
What do I know now? I know that life is about choices, we choose who we let in our lives, we trust that people will be open and honest - and we choose to believe in them and what they say, we choose our social groups, who we hang out with, we choose what we eat, we choose whether we go down to the gym and exercise, we choose how much time we are willing to allocate to others though the usage of boundaries, we can choose our career path by spending time increasing our knowledge, working hard, setting goals and reaching those goals. We choose whether we want to give up, our success is based on the limits and walls that we build in front of us and not by anyone else.
However, we cannot choose our family, whether we suffer from illness and when we die, but we have a choice as to how we work as a family unit, how we improve and work together for the better. We can choose to be positive and make the most of what we have.
I know who my friends are, who my real friends are, I know how much time I can allocate to friends and family, work, exercise, spiritual time, study and providing help and support. If I say 'no', does that make me a bad person?? Or is it true that I have another important appointment. It may not be important to the individual, but it is important to me.
I have visited friends and family and things have changed for some and for other the last two months might as well have been two minutes because nothing has changed, nothing has been forgiven or forgotten. These are the people I worry about and pray for the most. To them time is invaluable, yet we only get one life and one chance... Do you think the time spent writing this blog will ever be given back to me?? The seconds tick by on the clock, 60 seconds gone, never to be given back. Once time has gone my friend you will never ever get it back as God is my witness, yet we let time pass us by, spend it having historical arguments, worrying about what might happen trying to predict things that may never ever happen. How much time do you spend worrying about what other people may think, avoiding constructive critcism that can help you improve you as a person? Are we a world that is running scared? Ask yourself this - If I died today, did I do everything that I wanted to do, see everything that I wanted to see, spent quality time with those most important to me, tell someone that you like or even love them - although they may not feel the same way about you?
Think about the journey that you are on;
Think about all those people that you want to board your train and share your journey with you?
Think about all those words that you bottle up inside and worry about saying?
Think about how much time you waste trying to predict things that never happen?
Think about how many times you have historical arguments, dragging up past events that belong in the past and not in the present?
And finally, how many times do you focus on negative rather than positive?? Are you letting the negative rule the way you live your life? Focus on positive and positive things happen, focusing on negative only brings negative things.
We all have a choice, important things happening in our lives - both good and bad, but we have limited time. We are not going to be around for ever and neither is everyone else. If you only had 60 minutes left, what would you do with each minute, how and who would you spend it, who would you call, how would you use it?I know how I would use it.
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