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friday 24th
woken up by the police in the morning in the carpark was a great start to the day, but was inevitable really when one looked out the window of the bus.the cop was not happy about the amount
of beer cans and rubbish strewn outside the bus, the dodgy temporary pennysylvania license plates, and the trespassing.it was fortunate that he didnt see eddys faeces in a shrub about two metres
from the bus door.the smooth talking came from spud this time, but it was clear that it was getting harder and harder to talk our way out of trouble.watch this space.with only 6 boys waking up
on the bus the morning was always going to be a mission, but some helpful text messaging from harper meant that a pick up in the bus from the girls house was able to be done.santa fe was the
last stop for gregory as he had a previous commitment to meet his mrs in LA.this meant the boys now felt a bit safer for the remainder of the trip, seeing as the biggest animal waas gone.
an attempt for everyone to get revenge on greg for all the pranks hed pulled on us (hold him down and shave his hair off)was foiled when greg spat the dummy.a pretty quiet days driving ahead
of the lads as they tried to make it to boulder colorado in the heart of the rockies.christine struggled a wee bit as the boys pushed higher getting to 10,000 feet at one stage.the lads were
ridiculously over excited upon arrival in boulder, a university city overun with frat houses and some of the sexiest b****es witnessed on the trip so far.it was obvious that to go to uni in
boulder you had to be a sexy b****, and apparently the best way to pull these birds is to whistle and scream s*** out the bus windows.so with the bus steaming with testosterone, the boys dribbled
out to their hostel which was on a street stacked with sorority and frat houses and promptly began to dispatch some ales.drinking on boulders equivalent of castle street was a refreshing
change and it wasnt long before the lads had attracted the attention of a house full of potential moisties and were invited over.the c*** blocking began in earnest as 12 boys vied for the attention
of four girls in their lounge.leaving a couple of lads behind to waste their time, the rest of the team headed on into pearl street to scope out some box to smash.finding a kiwi fella and his
aunty jennifer in a bar was dream result as the boys were treated to a series of jager shots and suchlike.things were loosening up nicely around the town as the team spread themselves around
spinning boulder into a state of distress.eddy and balf managed to convince a nice german sheila to not go home and move on to the next bar with them.little didd they know that the greasy
little b****** called justin ormsby had brought his knife into town and was about to cut the lads lunch.turning a two man job into a solo mission,gus the rapist managed to drag the frau
back to the bus, put her head repeatedly through the wall, the second bird to be punished on the bus, number 6 for gus, but more importantly another tally for the choppers.nick spud sword
and harper ended up back at a sorority house with some ladies and the usual help-yourself attitude was employed as the boys tucked into the girls kitchen.nick and sword began dressups, hopping
into a couple of one peice swimming outfits and getting some embarassing photos of themselves in the process.persistence was most definitly the key as harper confirmed his movement well
and truly out of the desert, nabbing number three for the trip.whilst harper was employing his borderline rapist activities, sword was taking one for the team upstairs taking care of the remaining housemates by tucking them into bed..........meanwhile andy had spent his whole night at the girls house next door, essentially wasting his time on a garden gnome that wouldnt put out for him.
eddy had an absolute ripper of a night with the ladies, helping his drought situation by addressing females as "w****s" and "sluts".
saturday 25th
bit of a slow start for the lads in the morning, but the need to acheive something for the day meant the boys headed down to the river to do a tubing mission.with water levels down and the
possibilty of tearing some rectums on rocks, the boys bailed upstream and found a "swimming hole".the water was colder than a witches tit, and with diddles disapearing internally, the lads
headed back to a park for a quick game of touch.next stop was a salvation army store which was possibly the best thrift store the boys had experienced.some wicked s*** was purchased at ridiculously
low prices, including a groovy vegas suit for fisher and a trench coat yellow corduroy pants combo for eddy.after driving around boulder hurling abuse at frat boy f*****s, the doors
screaming from christines external speaker, it was overdue to tuck into a few beverages.starting off at the hostel things escalated exponentially as the boys slunk next door to wind up the
hold out w****s.making the correct assumption that the girls werent going to put their vaginas on the market, preston swiped a bottle of champagne that one of the girls had received for her
birthday, shook the f*** out of it, and sprayed it all over the lads, the girls, and their immaculate lounge.after being booted out of there, mob mentality was in full swing as the boys
shimmied across the road searching for a frat house to destroy.the first stay at a frat party lasted all of about 10 minutes as the boss of the house took balf aside and told him he had to
leave.upon asking why, the guy said to balf- "dude, i just saw you you get tackled through our table tennis table, theres a glass of burning turpentine in the kitchen, a bottle of detergent
in the microwave and a chopping board melting in my george foreman grill.leave".soooo...the troupe of 12 moved on but not before andy and spud had heaved a massive potplant from their house and lugged it
across the road to the girls house.balf trying to be a hero lifted the potplant on the porch and smashed the whole thing down the girls front steps.popularity not being balfs forte in boulder
already, the destruction moved its way into town as the lads searched for snatch.with p**** addling their brains, and sobriety most definitly not an option, eddy and balf slung harpoons over
their shoulders and set about finding something a little more in their league that would put out.after searching the bar for a solid twenty minutes for something fat, balf and eddy struck gold
and along with fisher richard and harper were invited back to a party with a selection of females.deeming balfs hair to be sexually unattractive, a particularly sensual lady struck a deal
to cut his mullet off in exchange for a pash.what better excuse to kiss a hot lady thought balf as his locks disapeared.misinterpreting the situation with the original large lady, balf found himself
wild as f***, losing the plot and attempting to put his fists through a range rovers windows.after hurling abuse and bottles at frat houses balf thought it best to retire to the old scratcher.
meanwhile the worlds tallest man had managed to find a female at the party that was very much willing to be penetrated.after explaining to richard what an eiffel tower was, the lusty blondey
took richard home for some of the kinkiest horizontal folk dancing rich had experienced.the big fella had some cracker stories in the morning, it was exciting to know that there was actually girls
out there up for it.
sunday 26th
the boys elected to stay in boulder for another night which enabled them to drive to denver half an hour away and watch the denver broncos play indianapolis colts(american football).stacking
christine up with a mountain of beers and bbq food, the lads headed in to suss out a tailgate party and some tickets for the game.not being able to park anywhere in the main carpark where
every1 was pissing up, they found a quiet carpark a bit further away, and set up the barby and tryed to dispatch a few bevvys.walking towards the stadium beleiving the game to be starting at
4, preston was abused after discovering that the game had actually started at 2.with tickets to half an american football game starting out at a ridiculously low price of 255 dollars, the boys
decided against going in.however preston and sword managed to wangle some free tickets, play the foreign card and slunk in to watch the game while the other horsecocks looked like tools wandering
around the outside of the stadium.whilst waiting for sword and preston to come out of the game, nick rich balf and wilson witnessed something spectacular and very rare.a rather inebriated
woman came over and sat with the boys on some grass and proceeded to stroke wilsons feet.it became clear that this classy woman wasnt wearing any underwear as she rolled over backwards and a sneaky
mutton flap slipped out the side of her denim hot pants.heading back into boulder for an evenings raucousness and the possibility of demolishing some camel toe, things started a little slowly
as some of the lads found the last 3 weeks drunkeness catching up on them.sword however was in fine form, making beers disapear in rapid succession and keeping the whole street
entertained.the plan for the night was to head about 400 metres up the street to watch a sublime tribute band.gus discovered that playing catch up with a bottle of vodka is possibly not a very
good idea.the most co-ordinated man on the trip decided he wanted to do a stage dive, but he overshot the boys that were meant to catch him and he ended up doing a backflip.after being hustled outside,
gus became the centre of attention, absolutely hammered drunk,began to show the local females his penis and generally being a sexpest.after the band had congratulated gus for his randy
campbell-like stage dive, he attempted to stick his head up some poor birds shirt, then the lads quicksmarted it up the road to annoy the f*** out of someone else.finding the nearest frat house
rush phi kappa-meant that trouble was inevitable.the feral mob of kiwis let fly with a barrage of unnecessary insults, followed by a series of rocks.spud and andy managed to sneak a bit closer
to the frat house and the stealthy northland maori snuck in a window to steal a series of trophies to pass out the window to spud.with more abuse hurled and more rocks gus was keen to take on the
whole frat house that had gathered outside to see what the f*** was going on.if the frat boys werent such pussies they could have chased us round the corner and met wilson who had taken off
his shirt and was welding a 3 foot length of steel.back at the hostel a few of the boys were required to stay on board christine due to the forseeable payback.a few carloads of fags keep driving
past all night but wilson guarding the back door was enough to keep any sane man away.the rest of the boys were creating havoc back at the neighbouring girls house again, running amuck and
helping themselves to the fridge.sword managed to persist with one of the lasses, who seemed willing to take his member, but the poor fella had a rare case of brewers droop and had to make
do with a dine and dash hairy fish pie meal.andy meanwhile spent his 3rd night in a row with his vertically challenged bird that redefined the meaning of cocktease.meanwhile one of the
taller lads in the group managed to line up a bag of natures finest which was going to come in bloody handy for the next few days visiting yellowstone national park.
monday 27th
well the lads were pretty fuct after three mammoth days f***ing boulder up completely, but finally hit the road for a huge drive to yellowstone national park, with no idea of the bad karma
that was about to bite them in the arse.still high up in the rockies the boys and christine cruised out of colorado into the great state of wyoming, with brains completely fried from the
electric puha.they headed through some of the most remote and hillbillyish country they had been through so far, but was nonetheless stunning scenery.in an area that was probably the furthest
the boys had been from a town yet, christine was getting pretty thirsty and she only just made it to hiland, population-10, where the biggest f*** up of the trip occurred.some f***en clever
cumstain from the petrol company had filled up the deisel bowser with petrol and the boys filled up christine with the botched gas.while christine is a f***ing horse of a machine, she didnt
take kindly to this f*** up and her electrics got fried meaning she couldnt drive faster than 15 miles an hour.once again the boys had alot to thank richard the deisel mechanic for, his expertees
invaluable.so the boys had to stay the night outside the petrol /store/bar and wait for mechanical help in the morning.the whole scenery and locals combined made the whole situation seem like
a horror movie similiar to wolf creek or the hills have eyes.with a couple of the lads refusing to eat food from the bar due to the possibility of being drugged and having their rectum virginity
tarnished, they headed back to the bus for some greenery and a laptop movie.
- comments
john key u guys r the best...
Barry Sickos. Bout time someone paid greg back in full, haha raz will be spewing
Chip Great yarns, update this s***, I still wana f***en kill you sword, preston likes boys