started off pretty slowly for the boys as the old brains were a bit foggy and the owner of the petrol station was pounding some form of canine somewhere.the boys tempers were abated slightly
when offered a free breakfast courtesy of the braindead cumguzzlers at the petrol company.restlessness was setting in as richard gave christine a comprehensive going over and the boys sat in the
bar all morning playing cards and mauling packs of darts.a verdict was reached as the only sensible and cost effective option was to drive christine at 20 miles an hour back the way we had
come to a town called casper.this was going to take some time as casper was 54 miles away.limping into casper before the mechanics was closing, they kindly allowed the boys to stay in the yard
for the night, with the prospect of fixing christine early the next morning.so after mauling some of the kernels finest thigh and breast peices, the boys had another quiet night aboard
christine with some movie watching and vegetating.
the boys were up at the crack of dawn ready to get the bus on the road and get to yellowstone, after effectively losing 2 days of their trip.a filthy wee mexican mechanic had her up and running in no
time and after purchasing two new front tyres as well, the boys were off like bridesmaids knickers.an ultra sneaky doobsky to celebrate christines return to the road meant that the nearest
kfc buffet could not be passed up.andy walked into kfc with his backpack and went to town on the chicken, ensuring the lads had 30 peices of chicken for their dinner that night.the rest of the day was spent in a fog, as wilsons nimble fingers were put to work.for those of the lads who were able to keep their eyelids open for the
afternoon, there was some awe-inspiring scenery on the way into yellowstone.the lads pulled into the campground late, with the warning from the owner not to leave out any chicken bones
and the like outside the bus as there had been a grizzly in the vicinity.this didnt deter andy from sleeping outside for the night, even with the wolves howling like f***.
as there doesnt seem to much happening on these few days of getting baked, i will take the opportunity write in the blog the the internal operations of christine the bus.as you the reader
may or may not have seen from the photos, christine is a sensual typical american school bus capable of carrying 63 children or 12 big swinging d*** from new zealand.richard balf and andy arrived
in new york before the other lads, so set about ripping out half the seats to allow room for mattresses.this means that the boys all sleep on the bus, some outside, some on the roof, whenever
they are not staying in a hostel or a campground.the bus is an absolute cesspit, the kind of place that females should stay away from-and they do.the stench that wafts out of the door as you
walk on christine is an assault on the senses- a complex mixture of nicotine,stale beer,body odour,semen,weed,feet and urine.to minimise stopping time, and therefore the obvious dog f***ing,
the lads all piss into bottles which are then littered all round the bus floor.as you could imagine, reaching for a bottle of water on the bus can be a risky business.the interior of the bus
is covered in grafiti from the various characters that we have met along the way, and from the creative talents of the boys themselves.the centre peice feature of the buses ceiling is a
3 metre long phallic symbol complete with testicles.christine is kitted out with a comprehensive sound system, complete with rear speakers, thanks kindly to rich and gus.the bus also
features an external speaker which can be enabled at the flick of a switch raising more than a few eyebrows along the way.the bus is also kitted out with state-of-the-art power points to
charge cameras ipods and the like, and also a gps which has been invaluable for getting around and finding kfc buffets efficiently.more often than not, there is only 3 or 4 people at any one
time sitting normally at the front of the bus-evryone else is trying to nab a few hours sleep on the matresses in the back.christine is, by the way, not exactly street legal but well keep
that on the down low.she has two sets of temporary 30 day registration plates that have to be changed over half way, and 400 dollar insurance was purchased all the way from mexico and faxed
through to us.in the states you are not allowed to have an open container of alcohol in a vehicle so drinking sessions start off carefully until everyone is drunk and the care factor goes
right out the window.sitting in the back on the mattresses is illegal also, so with the call of "cop!!", there is a mad scramble to hide under sleeping bags or sit in a normal seat.
drinking sessions on the bus help to pass the time on the road as many miles have to be covered to see as much things as possible.these are always are great laugh, filled with large doses
of hilarity, nudity and immaturity.whoever is driving on these occasions always regrets it as they are shown little respect, copping cans to the back of the head and personal chants that
would rattle even the calmest personality.
well after minimal sleep due to crying wolfs and big willy literally pooing himself from thinking there were grizzlys circiling the bus all night while he was sleeping on top of the old girl
he was rolling round like a epileptic in a cold bath.. it was time to shoot through to one of the highlights of yellowstone national park - the old faithfull.. - geyser.. pretty much the same as
the ones in the stinky hole of rotarua, yellow stgone natiojnal park is home to half the world geysers.. the old faithfull shoots to 200 feet in the air about every 90minutes, we witnessed
the 9.17am shoot which shot out of the ground like a little virgins member... we then moved on to do a loop of the park in hope of finding some of the wildlife that yellowstone has to offer..
a grizzly bear was what we were wanting.. it wasnt long before we were greeted by a big styflling black bear just meters from the road.. been there done that.. we wanted grizzlys..
plenty oif byson were roaming the roads some being as big as adam ninds head.. we pulled into a small village for some much needed lunch and on the menu was tuna sanwichs
with tomatoe and lettuce with mayo... unexpected sword let out a enormous birp which just stunned all the nearby people.. although it did catch the attention of a elder group of americans..
what an ice breaker.. before we knew it they were giving us all there left overs from lunch.. chilli con carn, chips and dip with holey guocamoley, lemon cake, cherry pie and all sword could offer back
to them was some watermelon whiuch they decloined. ha. we then headed to the north of the park where we entered montana and a chance to have swim in the river which turned to s*** as couldnt get a park
and we had a big afternoon ahead.. oh by the way this is me here.. we circled the park like a little kid on a merry go round which provided us with some oof the best serenity
that we have seen (apart from that strip club back in myrtlye beach). we made it to the west entrance and with having the most days off the beers evr(3days) the lads were as dry as an arabs gym shoe
soo as we were driving through town one of the boys spotted a kiwi shop with nz flags waving like a lost kid in the desert so we pulled back in there for a yarn and a chance to get some
fish n chips or pies.. sword and balf being the thirstyist guys of the day went over the road and returned with 90 cans of beer and a sack of ice.. game on.. the sun was goping down as we cruized the highway drinking
cold cans of beer good music and things were back to a normal afternoon session in the back of the bus.. with san francisco 16hours away the challenge was thrown out there we would drive through the night
to san fran.. big willy and eddie drew the short straws for the drive and what a drive they did.. after a 10pm stop to restock beers which i might just throw in here, a 30pack of this
delicous beer we got was 5.9% and only $16.99 get thaqt down your phat neck... binge drinking??????? 3 of thiose and we were back on the road headed for san fran... to do one of these night
drives, trust me you need to be under some sort of help sleeper.. about a dozen cans in each the boys started dropping like flys and reckon they had the best night of sleep ever..
Friday october -
after a mammoth effort from the drivers all through the night the boys passed through some cool scenery past lake tahoe and rocked in to san francisco around lunchtime.the challenge was set
to find a place to base ourselves for the next two nights and take in the rampant homosexuality.the only option for accomodation was a backpackers a little way out town but it was cheap and
suited 12 feral lads.driving there was an experience in itself as christine cruised through a neighbourhood full of the weirdest collection of humans to date.being the adventurous travellers that
we are, a slug feed on the corner at petes bbq was demolished before an afternoon snooze.with the lads waking up at various stages in the early evening, it was time to once again smash back
some wets.sword was tucking into beers at a furious pace and it was clear he was going to be a handful as he abused the indian taxi driver on the way into town whilst talking to his mum on
his jandal/phone.all the boys met up in a bar in north beach where a live band was playing, and sword was more than happy to dance for the crowd.with the funds being stretched by this stage of
the trip, some of the boys were employing a bit of kiwi resourcefulness and taking hip flasks of vodka inside to drink with their lemonades at the bar.with the high proportion of limp-wristed
donut punchers about, the boys had to be careful with their drinks, as they chased a bit of skirt round the joint.it seemed as though rich had found his dream woman at the bar, a monster of a woman
stepping in at a casual 6 feet 5.the match made in heaven wasnt to be however as rich showed limted enthusiasm, and it was left to andy and balf to dispatch the behemoth.after she (questionable)
had piggy backed both balfours and andy all at the same time (no s***!), it was balf who was dragged away by dinner-plate hands to be man-handled in her parents lush san fran apartment.
meanwhile back at the bar sword had turned into a blubbering mess, and whilst conversing with the bouncer about the prospect of being allowed back in, faceplanted the curb.rich and gus ended
up doing the double date thing which had shown to be previously successful, going home with a couple of nice young females to drink champagne and make intelligent conversation.it was evident
after a fair bit of spade work from the boys that these two broads werent keen at all, and no amount of gentle persuasion from gus was going to change their minds.
there was a general consensus in the morning that san francisco was pretty gay and full of f***en weirdos, and while it may have been the particular area we were camped in, the lads decided to
forfeit the second night in san fran and head south down the coast to santa cruz.before that though there was a bit of stuff to see, namely the golden gate bridge and alcatraz island which is
situated in the middle of san fran harbour.after some disgusting pounding of some alsatians that never seem to f*** off, the fellas headed down to the waterfront at pier 39.we were too late
and too disorganised to get on a proper tour of the alcatraz island but made do with a sneaky hour long boat tour under golden gate bridge and around alcatraz.after that some of the boys made
their hooters debut, excited about being served food by females with big funbags.it was essential that christine had to drive over the golden gate bridge, but not before drawing alot of attention
from the local tail gunners and rug munchers from the external speaker.driving over the bridge was a bit of a let down as there was the most intense fog, and visibility was down to roughly
10 centimetres.with the boys still looking over their shoulders, christine powered out of san francisco and headed down the california coast highway to santa cruz, an hour and a halfs drive.
settling in at the worlds tiniest rv park for the night, gus had the fantastic idea of purchasing some hard liquor for the night to break the monotiny of budweisers.at 28 dollars for a 1.75 bottle
of tennessees finest and a misely 18 dollars for the same bottle of smirnoff, things were only going to go drastically pear-shaped.a rare drinking session inside the parked bus nearly turned into
a bloodbath as the jack daniels did the trick.slinking into town in a series of taxis, naievity was the call of the day as no-one had down any research on the town of santa cruz.it took 2 minutes
to find out what kind of place we were in as andy hopped out of the taxi and hissed in a girls ear.some filthy sub-human looking clown took offence and threatened to take 5 of the lads on.yarn.
to get into the club in santa cruz you had to be put through a metal detector to check for weapons, as people had been killed in there before.obviously this was the perfect night to get on the
spirits and stir up a few locals.thank f*** greg was no longer with us.andy pretended to be gay and hit on two sets of gay couples-he was doing a scarily good job of it as well until he was
accused of being a c*** tease and threatened to be beaten up by two gay guys.this was the dodgiest town we had been in so far, the whole place was run by gangs, including MS13, and we were told by a few people
not to even talk to mexican girls.sword was absolutely hammered and made a scene for the second night running and tryed to take on a bouncer, before being taken home by balf.the night ended
with a few of the boys witnessing the aftermath of a gang fight on the main street-a large area cordoned off covered in blood after a filthy gringo had been stabbed in the neck.
with sense of humours still intact, the boys rolled out the scratcher a wee bit late the next morning and got the f*** out of there.the plan was to head back inland california to yosemite
national park, which promised to have some sensational scenery, and rest up for a night before hitting las vegas.heading back into the hills was a bit of mission for christine, she had to go slowly
as she kept overheating.however the boys showed patience as they rolled into yosemite on dusk slightly beind schedule.the veiw from the windows was spectacular-sheer cliff faces with gigantic
waterfalls dropping into forest and winding rivers.it was dark before the lads could acheive much tourist wise, so it was a sneaky early night with dr. greenthumb parked illegally in a carpark..
the boys woke up the next morning deep in a valley completely surrounded by gigantic cliffs and trees.after a quick slug feed/round of dogers at the lodge for breakfast, the lads jumped in their
personal tour bus christine to check out one of the waterfalls nearby, bridalveil falls.the falls were quite impressive and a round of group photos were taken, before the lads elected to
head on out of the park as the weather wasnt overly s***hot and were already behind schedule.the plan was to head out of yosemite through the south entrance, head down through death valley
and into nevada, arriving in las vegas at night.it was a bit of a shame that more time couldnt be spent in yosemite,one of americas most popular national parks, but some great photo
opportunities were snapped up on the way out, including a coyote sighting.there was a lot of ground to cover if we wanted to make it to vegas so naturally the lads were hooking into
their bag of vitamin g hammer and tongs.later on in the day it was becoming clear that we probably werent going to make it to las vegas at a reasonable enough hour to make money, so the decision
was made to give christine a rest on the edge of death valley national park on the side of the road.by this stage some of the boys hadnt showered for 4-5 days and sopme only having 1 shower in 10 days and the air inside christine
was thick enough to cut with a knife.however the boys had to snuggle up tight with their fly-blown nether regions and settle in for a chilly night in the desert air listening to the grizzly
bear on the roof(wilson).