tuesday 5th october
it was going to be a fairly straight forward drive through to vegas the next day, so the boys took it easy through death valley- the hottest place on earth and also 280 feet below sea-level.
it was through death valley that christine experienced her first ever set of disco lights, being pulled up by a couple of goofy cops.after laughing at the state of the bus complete with
penises on the exterior, the c*** tables let us on our way.
now it is time for the blog to recount the debauchery that is to be absolute pinnacle of this once in a lifetime journey-las vegas.so if you the reader are; under 18, over 35, pregnant, suffer from nausea,
epilepsy or similiar neurological disorders, find a chair, strap yourselves in and brace yourselves for the filthy chaotic yarns from americas sin city.rolling into vegas around midday, the lads
and christine rocked down the vegas strip getting alot of attention from bystanders with the external speaker cranking.the boys were absolutely fizzing as they found a hotel/casino called
the imperial palace in an epic location smack bang in the middle of the strip.once again the lads struck gold paying 35 dollars for a room for four people, and after a hectic round of
furious banus-scrubbing in the shower, the lads headed down to the local thrift store to deck themselves out with some jazzy suits for the next three days.everyone made some sensational
purchases of a number of differing outfits, and the rule was made that you werent allowed to take your suit off for the next 3 days of gambling drunkeness and sex.with everyone looking
sharper than ron burgundy meeting up in the foyer, the plan was to head to hooters for dinner.if theres a job worth doing, its worth doing well, so the boys hired a limousine for an hour
to take them round vegas with a box of 24 beer before dinner.with a few already under the belt, the boys were highly overexcited living the rock star dream, and it wasnt long before balf
had firetrucked himself in the backseat of the limo.spilling out into hooters, it was fair to say that the hooters girls werent exactly chuffed to see a group of rowdy lads from new zealand.
as it was gus "birthday", the rowdiness only escalated until gus was unwillingly dragged onto the stage with 8 hooters girls to spell "hooters" with his arse.with what looked like a moro
bar stuffed down the front of his pants, gus did a series of some of the most homosexual dance moves ever known to mankind, before the lads swiftly moved on into town to make a fortune.half the
group split up to locate some party enhancer from some reliable dark skinned individuals.all the lads met up back at the hotel room only to find that they had purchased a load of worthless icing sugar,
so with tempers flaring up, they headed downstairs to f*** over some black jack tables.the lads all spread themselves over a number of tables and promptly hooked into the complimentary
drinks, getting silly very quickly.winner winner chicken dinner it was- namely for nick and sword who seemed to be coming out on top, the rest of the boys turning the air blue with a rally of
curses, attracting unwanted attention from casino staff who were less than happy.it wasnt long before the boys were told to move on, so pissed as f*** the lads staggered themselves around
the mirage,mgm grand, bellagios, o;sheas and caesars palace.apparently new york is the city that never sleeps, but this was a yarn as 24 hour gambling was employed in a strip that was too
small for 12 maggot kiwis, all boys crashing back at the hotel as daylight encroached.andy and gus (choppers of course) found a couple of canadian girls to go back with, the "birthday boy"
throwing standards out the window in this particular case.what happens in vegas stays in vegas, except clamidia of course, so the next yarn will be kept anonymous.
one of the lads parted with a couple of hundred of benjamin franklins finest and invested in the first working girl of the trip, and also the first african american.bringing her back to the
hotel room only to find the beds occupied, he had to make do with the romantic setting of the bathroom, bending her over the handbasin whilst checking out his guns in the mirror.after getting
his fill, he swiftly headed back down to the blackjack tables to win his money back.meanwhile preston in gambling mode was suffering from renal failure, and not being able to make it to the
little boys room in time, teased out a wee sausage plonk in the garden in front of flamingos casino.
most of the boys didnt see a wink of sunlight on wednesday before waking up to get back on the hammer, making the most of a real bed.so after locating some of colombias finest, this time
the real deal,the lads proceeded to tuck into some hard liquor in the hotel rooms.wired up with blocked noses, it was straight downstairs to win more money on the blackjack tables.displaying
unprecedented levels of confidence, the boys began donating cash to the imperial palace at an alarming rate.after a number of trips to the convenient atm machines and upstairs to top up, it was
back onto the strip to the various nightclubs to locate some frothing axewound.the main group of lads found a nightclub that seemed to have a bit of shanny floating around in it, so they
went about trying to impress them by sniffing their hair, throwing ice at them and urinating on the floor.suprisingly, the girls werent interested so harper grabbed a full pint of eddys
musky wees, took a gulp, gargled it for 30 seconds before finishing the pint.andy had sniffed out a couple of irish girls that were keen, so grabbing his chopper friends balf and gus, headed back
to their hotel room at the mgm grand.dream result for this situation would of course been a possible 6 more tallys for the choppers, but to cut a s*** story short, nothing eventuated at all.
meanwhile back on the strip, sword and richard were in stirling form,teaming up to form a menacing maggot duo at caesars palace.slapping every girls arse that walked into the joint, it wasnt
long before security was called on them to make them leave.refusing to leave the two boys starting doing "dead ants", and had to be physically dragged out of the casino by their arms.it wasnt
going to finish there though, the two off them stopping traffic on the strip by doing more dead ants.hopping into a limo with some dodgy mexicans, rich and sword headed to a strip club where
there was absolutley no patrons or strippers whatsoever.tucking into some piss there, they had to leave as sword passed out at the bar and collapsed off his stool.back at the imperial,
spud decided it was time for bed as it was 6 in the morning, headed upstairs only to find that not a single person was home yet.throughout the next morning the boys all dribbled in at
ridiculous times, culminating in sword and richards arrival at 2 in the afternoon.
should really be called thursnight as once again not a single boy witnessed daylight.this was the end of the line for nick and his sweet fringe, heading back to wairarapa where neil diamond
is actually embraced.richard woke up absolutely hammered drunk around 7 oclock and started abusing the f*** out of everyone, swinging his lanky limbs at everyone.it was straight back on the hammer
for richard who never really sobered up, throwing one of prestons brand new boots off the balcony of the hotel room.preston spat the dummy big-time, jumped off the balcony nude in front of a
decent crowd, bombed in the pool and threw a deck chair in the pool before clambering back up to the balcony.the boys were pretty fuct from the last 2 days and it didnt look like it was going to
be a huge night.however your not in vegas everyday and with a bit of help from new friend smirnoff, the boys were silly drunk in no time.sick of losing f***loads of gorse down on the blackjack
tables, the lads thought theyd try their hand at slamming muff in nightclubs.things didnt start off well in jims dueling piano bar, for some reason preston kept dropping his drinks on the ground
and glass was going everywhere.this combined with the standard urination on the floor meant that security wasnt too far away, and therefore the boys exit from the club.after apologising
profusely for being australian, it was on to the next bar where the main group met up with a couple of the lads who had attracted a reasonable sized group of females on a kickball tournament.
for the plain and simple reason that some of the boys on the trip have mothers, the next yarn will also remain anonymous.one of the lads-well call him tucker-had managed to hook up with
a lusty tall, californian girl on the dancefloor.taking her back to the imperial palace, tucker started tucking in, cattle prodding the oyster dish as best as he could in the state he was in.
little did they know, one of the other boys-captain hook-wasnt actually asleep in the bed next to them, and was taking in the outrageous porno.captain hook asked tucker how he was going, and
the legendary bird said "why dont you come find out".captain hook wasnt the sort of bloke to be asked twice, and he was in like flynn.the first attempt at the spitty went pear-shaped as
tucker was having trouble with whiskey dick.just as well, as 6 of the boys rumbled their way into the room with a room service trolley stacked to the nines courtesy of harpers credit card.
however a brief eiffel tower was done in the wee hours of the morning, complete with high-fives, and captain hook letting rip with a "cooking with gas!" porno comment as he hit the vinegar strokes.
this was an extra special evening for edward as he finally hit the tally board for the snuffles, getting a small gorilla off his back.she was no oil painting, but thats irrelevant, and eddy
even managed to grab a souvenir in the form of hoody.andy managed to smack a notch up for the choppers also this night, attempting to claim his irish scalp in the back of christine in the carpark,
before being snapped by security.
up in the morning, all three rooms stank like f*** and were absoultely wrecked.the spitroast bird was still there, goofing off at the rampant immaturity.in front of her, captain hook was
running round the room nude with a cowboy hat, breaking the sound barrier with his farts.one of these farts followed through and captain hooks faeces went all over spuds bag and clothes.
everyone was f***ed from the piss and sleep deprivation from the last 3 days, a few of the boys on suicide watch.so with tempers flaring up, it was time to saddle up and head on to the grand
canyon.the lads stopped at the hoover dam on the way out which was impressive even with disgusting hangovers.being the rookies that we were it took longer to get to the grand canyon than expected
especially with christine having some serious overheating issues, so the lads didnt have the opportunity to witness the canyon until the next day.so it was a fairly quiet night scamming
another free stay at an rv park on the egde of the canyon.