Howdy. The flight over from Singapore to Darwin was pretty poo. The plane was uber cramped and the film was the s***ty new version of 'The Pink Panther'. Before I could get on my flight to Alice Springs, I had to go through immigration: no problems and then quarantine: The Australians are very keen on preserving their many diverse ecosystems and so they make dame sure that you are not going to bring anything in that will mess them up. I was pretty sure that I didn't have anything that wouldn't piss them off so I quite happily joined the cue. I then saw a picture of muddy hiking boots and a notice about hefty fines if you don't declare them. Well I had done a pretty good job of cleaning my boots before I came but decided it was better to be safe than sorry. After my boots were given the ok by a rather young quarantine official, I was all set to move on....BUT NO....some (pardon my language) b****** senior official thought it would be a laugh to have my entire bag searched. So I then had to empty my big rucksack out whilst the young guy went though all my stuff. When he has finished, he did a search of my hand luggage and then did a swab test of the inside. I was all set to move on again but the frickin' machine that read the swabs said it had traces of ketamine in my bag!!! Bloody horse tranquilizers! On my insistence, they ran another test and found out it was a mistake. Finally I was on my way. Alice Airport was a shack with a runway and after paying $30 dollars for a taxi, I finally arrived at my hostel. After briefly talking to two of the people in my room I crashed so I could catch up on some much needed sleep and try and forget about the journey. When I woke, things started to pick up! By now, I was sharing a room with one guy Alex and three girls Geery (Dutch), Kat and Stacey. We headed out into Alice in search of booze. Deciding to forgo the stereotypical 'goon' we opted for the cheaper option of a few bottles of port! After grabbing some food back at the hostel, we headed off to Alice's backpacker HQ, Melanka's Party Bar. Get ready for tales of Tom making an arse of himself! After a few rounds I was forced by Alex to go up on stage along side 5 other partygoers. After pulling off some funky John Travolta moves to the Pulp Fiction theme, the games began. The first came was called 'how hard can you blow me' and involved us 6 complete amateurs attempting to play a didgeridoo. The first guy was ok and then it was my go. Years of Trombone playing came to my rescue and I managed to do well enough to progress to round two. Now Mum + other people, things get a bit 'interesting' at this point so you may want to skip the next paragraph heheh. The DJ then instructed us to go and grab a member of the opposite sex from the audience. I ran over to my table and managed to force Kat to come up on stage. The next task was for each couple to get into the best sexual position they could think off! Awesome - Kat was hot! Lol I didn't even have time to think and I was already being instructed by Kat as to what position to get into. As no doubt Mum is reading this, I will spare the details but it was good enough for me to progress into the final 4 as the last reaming guy! I was always going to be at a disadvantage in this round as I had to grab a pair of trousers of a male member of the audience. The trouser-less guys then joined us up on stage and we were then instructed to put our partners pants back on, with out there help. Well my guy was not cooperating at all so unfortunately this was my exit from the contest. It was a shame as The next rounds involved doing the same (but with a girl's bra) and having a lap dance! Oh well. After the games were over mass table dancing to the YMCA followed. By the end of the night, my room mates and I were all pretty partied out and I apologized to them as I was going to get up at 5am the next to day to do my tour to 'The Rock'! TOM x