I have been having a w*** time recently, involving my being an illegal
immigrant in two countries, nearly being deported from one and having
to bribe police. I left Malawi on a lake ferry getting stamped out on
the malawian side, intending to get a visa on arrival on the
mozambiqan side, which the immigration officer assured me I could do.
On arrival it became apparant that I couldn't and that I would have to
carry on to the next stop, a malawian island, from where I could then
get a fishing boat over to mozambique. On arrival on the island the
immigration officer there made a song and dance about me being stamped
out, claiming that I was illegally in malawi and that he could send me
back to the mainland to get a new visa. He asked for a bribe ('I can
help you but are you going to help me?' 'What do you mean? In what way
can I help you?' 'Don't politise this Mr Show' 'I'm not paying you a
bribe.' 'Oh') so he confiscated my passport and told me to see
him the next day. I went to a hostel and the owners told me he was an
a******* but he was the bottom of the pile and his seniors were much
nicer and wouldn't care, and not to worry. I wanted to stay on the
island a couple of days so didn't go back to him the next day, which
the hostel owners told me would be alright, so the day after that I
went to him after 12, knowing that I wouldn't be able to get a boat to
mozaambique that late, therefore making me have to stay another day.
This worked and so I returned to him the day after that to leave the
island and he was glad to get rid of me, since his messing me about
for not paying the bribe hadnt worked. By this point I had very little
money since I had to pay for an extra few days I hadnt intended, and
the owners of the hostel I stayed at had kindly said (in advance of my
stay) that I could pay them a few weeks later when I got down to
southern mozambique to a friend of theirs. I had also forgotton to
replenish my emergancy fund of dollars, which is normally between
50-100 dollars, leaving me with 6 dollars, a few hundred malawi kwacha
(1.50pound) and a few hundred mozambique meticais (10pound). Knowing
that I wouldnt be able to pay my mozambique visa I went to moz, hoping
that the immigration would understand my plight, which wasnt my fault,
and would allow me to pay within x amount of time. This was not so. He
told me that I had to go back to malawi which I didnt want to do
(which in hindsight would have been easier) so I negogiated with him
that I would leave my passport with him, go to the nearest atm, a few
hundred km away, and return the next day with money. This border post
(cobue) is in the arseend of moz and there is no public transport out
of the town, so I had to get up v early to get a lift with the police
who were going to the next town (metangula) with transport. After 4
hours in the back to a pickup on bad dirt roads (only 70km) we reached
a village where we stopped and I waited. For two hours. Then I asked
if we were actually going to move on where I was told yes, in about
five hours because they had some random yearly cermony to do. This
meant that I had to pay a local to take me on the back of his push
bike to metangula, where I then got a four hour long ride in the back
of a pick up to a town with an atm, where i got some money and spent
the night. The next day I went to get a minibus to metangula when I
was stopped by the police and asked for my passport, which it is
illegal for foreigners not carry in moz. I explained the situation
through the help of a translator ( a random guy of the street, not
anything offical) and he took me back to the police station (a s***ty
room with a desk, chairs and half the roof missing) where he tried to
make me wait in an even s***tier dark room with a load of locals,
which I refused to do, and so he searched my bag, agreed that I didnt
actually have my passport and then asked for a bribe. I had to pay it
as otherwise not carrying a passport is an arrestable offence so I
negoiated to 150 meticais but didnt have change so had to give him
200, which is only 10pound. Police in mozambique arent very nice so it
wasnt a very nice experience, they werent very nice to the locals they
had arrested. No beatings or anything but just not very ncie. I then
got a minibus to metangula, taking three hours longer than it should
to get there which meant I had missed the boat going back to cobue (it
is easier to sail along the lake than to drive it) so I had to pay a
local to drive his truck there but got there too late so had to stay
the night, bought the visa (was expecting the immigration officer to
try for a bribe but he didnt) and then left to go back to metangula.
The bloke who was giving me a lift then picked up his mates truck
which had broken down a couple of weeks ago (it had been left there
with his mate camping to protect it as they could afford the petrol to
get it) however they had neglected to take a decent tow rope so it
kept coming off and the working truck kept braking down, so the 70km
journey took 7 hours, 10km/hour. Fearing I wouldnt get a lift back to
the next town from metnagula I was lucky and managed to get a pick up
and was even allowed to ride in the front. I arrived late that
evening, trapsed about looking for a cheap hotel and then the next day
got a pick up to this town which was supposed to be 6 hours but took 9
on a really bad dirt road. I now have to get a 8 hour minibus on dirt
tracks or a ten hour train tomorrow, then a four hour minibus to ilha
de mozambique, a nice island on the coast.

So the last five days or so I have been travelling from early in he
morning till late at night and everything has been a struggle. The
locals are all friendly but anything with authority is an a*******,
the transport only leaves from early in the morning so you can only
travel a couple of hundred km a day, everything is expensive ($15 for
a s***ty hotel room with shared s***ty bathroom that doesnt have
running water, cockroaches and I swear the sheets havent been cleaned
from the last inhabitants, though no stains), the roads are really
bad, and I carry my passport everywhere, fearing the corrupt police
force. Im not really liking mozambique but am hoping once I get to the
coast it will be nicer, and the south is supposed to be nice as the
capital is in the south and so it has had money invested in it. I
might fly from the north to the south as it takes about a week of
intense travelling and is often cheaper as transport and food and
accomodation is so expensive here.

So I'm not a happy bunny at the moment. But well done mum on making
friends and I hope you sort everything out with the villa, the photos
look nice. I will email again soon in a couple of days when I get to
ilha, hopefully it wont be too much of a mission. I have a dinner date
with two travellers who I just met in this internet cafe so will love
you and leave you.