Woke up at 6 am to mercury feeding me painkillers, then straight back to sleep. Breakfast at midday is a challenge to eat with swollen jaw muscles, its impossible to close my mouth.

After leaving the Internet cafe at 7:30 last night I went for a walk to explore an unfamiliar area. Making my way home I'm waiting to cross a road when two young guys start being friendly and talking to me. They offer me a lift on the back of their bike and stupidly I accept.

Their driving is even worse than the usual wreckless Egyptians and after many near misses my arm catches a car wing mirror, but no one cares - this is normal for Egypt and it's happened to me before; I've honestly never seen a car without a scratch here. We drive straight past my stop, when I tell them they pretend it's just a miss understanding and carry on taking a different route but then strangely take a turning onto a high bridge with fast moving traffic and no pavement (picture). But I assume that it's the easiest way back to where I'm going.

The driver stops to answer his phone and we all get off the bike on the side of the road with cars passing at high speed. He asks for my number so I start to give it to him and he snatches my phone from me while the other guy climbs onto the driving seat. Now they're both on the bike trying to escape with my phone. I'm holding the grab rail at the back trying to tip the bike over as I'm skiing down the road in my flip flops. The driver can't controll the the bike and swerves dangerously close to an overtaking car before stopping in fear for his life. The thief jumps off swearing and pushing me, I push him a safe distance from the bike and tell him to return my phone using mostly swearwords. After much pushing and swearing in the dark the thief reaches in his pocket and brings his hand out clenched as if holding a small knife and threatens to stab me. I back off and he manages to get a few metres closer to the bike before some headlights pass and I manage to glimpse his hand with no knife. I run round him and push him to the fence at the edge of the bridge. Our eyes meet and i feel like I want to kill this man. As he punches me on the cheek I get him in the stomach. Then before I'm even able to move my head to look back at him, this tall well built thief gets me on the chin and knocks me flying, my feet leave the ground. He starts to sprint as I'm falling but I manage to take out his legs with mine and he hits the ground hard. Our eyes meet again as we both hit the floor and he looks outraged. We both jump to our feet and I chase him to the bike, he has a couple of metres advantage which I manage to get back just as he jumps onto the already moving bike.

Alfonso keeps interrupting me complaining about his toothbrush as I'm trying to write this.

Anyway. I start skiing again but this time I can't get enough balance to tip the bike as the driver keeps popping the clutch and I nearly fall each time. Finally I have to let go and fall to the ground at about 15-20mph. I catch the b******s eye once more as I'm sliding down the main road, he looks scared. I roll out of the way of the traffic and get to my feet. Many cars had passed us as we fought, while I was holding and trying to tip the bike and as I slid down the road but not one of them stopped.

Im so glad I'm wearing a belt otherwise my bum would have a new shape and I would be standing half naked on a main road. I find the bag I had to drop when we fought and start to make my way home covered in grazes and bruises with a chipped tooth, a painful jaw and no phone. All the way home people tell me to smile.

When I get into the room with blood running down my legs Alfonso is there praying again. He gives me a strange look as he bows to his bedside table and then ignores me as I sterilise my wounds.