SWISS DOORS AND CANADIENNE w****S!!!!!!

Ok...first day of class...complete!!

But first I wanna go over a few rules I was presented with upon my departure by a dear BFF of mine, Robert Higgins.

The rules, as dictated to me, are as follows...

1) drinking with at least one person who does not speak english

2) waking up in someone elses hotel room

3) make at least one person understand that canada does not condone the actions of that show boating wench in las vegas, you know the one

4) put my face on a peice of cardboard and take me on a tour

5) dedicate at least one blog entry to the adventures of my card board cut out face

6) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO PAY FOR SEX EVER.... they should trying to pay u.

The important rule for today is numero 3, involving a certain Canadian showboating, Las Vegas polluting w****, otherwise known as Celine Dion, or to my Japanese housemate, Serreeeen Dioneru. The b**** is ERRRRRRRRYWHERE: On postcards, on adverts, on posters, on concert halls, on buses, on my Japanese roommate's ipod, on my ipod, on the Canadian Embassy which says "We're where Celine's from, eh? You should come visit, dontcha know!" Ok...I made the last one up, but still! It'd be a great pull for Swiss people to come to Canada! So from that, I have made it my sworn duty to make sure no one ever equates Celine Dion to Canada in my presence!

Now onto my first day of school!

Here was my thought process as I got of the bus and walked to the school: Nervous, nervous, nervous, aw f*** too late to go back now, s*** she called my name, what does that sign say? NO ENGLISH?? WTF? That's ok, I'm sure all the other student's felt the same way I would on the first day too, try a bit of French to show off your level, but then retreat back to the safety of your mother tongue! I figured this was a safe bet, until I learnt that EVERY SINGLE OTHER STUDENT SPEAKS SWISS GERMAN BUT ME!! How am I supposed to cheat the system if I can't speak English with these people?? Fine...I guess I'll just stick to French...sigh.

We had a placement test to do today, nothing compared to the Quebecois jargon that we had to decipher in Mme. Le Ber's class deep in the bowels of Kingston Hall! This was polite French, fancy French, French people would comment on you accent...The French that I want to learn! We did a tour of Lausanne, allowing us to get a good feel for what would hopefully become "home" for the next two or four weeks.

And now a small story (or "conte" as I learnt in French today!!) about Swiss doors and the tragic reality of being a polite Canadian. I rounded up the courage to ask (en francais) where the bathroom was. Unbeknownst to me, I had walked past the giant door with the man on it (duhhhhh) and got the know common "stupid American" look. Fine, I can get past that error. So I pull on the door. Now I yank on the door. Now I give the door shaken baby syndrome. Now I'm about to kick the door. Then my Canadian Polite Meter kicks in! Maybe someone's in the bathroom! Good idea, so I wait, and I wait, and I wait, waiting for the guy who's taking the piss of his life to come out and give me a thumbs up, or a high five or a "thanks for waiting, I just ate a thing of hot sauce" or a "that's Rojo!" kinda smile...nothing. So I wait some more, and then some guy who's obviously knows the inner workings of his people's doors, PUSHES the bloody thing to reveal a plethora of available urinals and stalls...Well f***, was all I could muster. Lesson learnt for today: SWISS DOORS GO THE OTHER WAY!!!

Let's see...I've covered doors, Celine Dion...I could tell you about how FREAKIN' BEAUTIFUL Lausanne is! It's like...Europe! In a city!! It's old, it's Swiss, it's foreign, it's steep, it's got a castle, a lake, I can hear the "neeeeee nawwwwwwww neeeeee nawwwwwww" of the European sirens, it looks on to France, I really like it here...now all I need are some friends!

OK supa dupa reader, I'm off to prepare for my war with QCARD tomorrow, time to suit up, get my box o' Kleenex ready and start with the frustration! Queen's people you can relate, to all of you others out there...QCARD would be like trying to play Grand Theft Auto 4 on dial up. You'll get there, but it's an excruciating process...like REALLY excruciating! REALLY REALLY...ok, point proven...Anyways...

Love to y'all, keep it clean, and see you soon!

Robinson

I also just learnt that Off Exploring censors my words, so here's to you, you a****** f***ING s*** EATING f*** f*** f*** f*** f***ING POO PEOPLE!! Ya, that's right, I went there!