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Nicole and I arrived back in Jiujiang the Thursday before last. Unfortunately we had to wait 5 hours between reaching our house and actually getting in, because I'm an idiot and had lost my keys somewhere in Xi'an and Winston, who had Nicole's keys, wasn't back from his own holiday travels yet. We had been standing on the street outside our locked gate, pulling my two rucksacks to pieces in search of the keys, for about 10 minutes before a little Chinese girl who'd been watching edged over to us and mimed offering help. She showed us that she was small enough to slip through the bars of the gate, and gestured that we should pass our rucksacks over to her - that way, if we had to wander the streets of Jiujiang for a few hours, at least we could do it with less baggage. We tried to say no to her offers because our bags were at least the size of her and probably eight times heavier, but she was so insistent that eventually we relented. (We also tried to thank her variously with sweets and money but she wouldn't accept anything.) I should also mention at this point that I'd lost my voice and could only croak a few words, which made the friendly small-talk I was attempting much harder. It also meant that when another teacher from our school, Jane, arrived to rescue us, there was a very real danger that I'd be shipped off to the hospital and stuck on an IV. Nicole did her best to explain that I'd recover by myself in the next few days, and that no, being put on an IV for a cold isn't normal in England. We killed the next few hours sitting in Jane's room (Nicole and I have an enormous house between us, Jane shares one room and a bathroom with another teacher. Feeling guilty...) at the school, reading and mucking about on the internet, then going for tea and to the pharmacist to buy me lots of medication. Winston eventually turned up at about 7pm, bearing a new set of keys for me, and we made it back into the house. Phew.
We spent the rest of the weekend slobbing about, venturing outside only to shop, eat or wander around the lake. I managed to Skype a few people - all of whom laughed at my poor croaky voice - and began planning my lessons for the next week. I'd decided it was about time I gave my classes English names, as I haven't a hope in hell of remembering their Chinese names and I'd rather not rely on just pointing for the rest of the year. To this end, I made two Lucky Dip-style boxes and began filling them with boys' and girls' names respectively. I started off with fairly standard names: Ben, John, Michael, Emily, Kate, Sophie... but as I was trying not to repeat myself, I soon veered off into more, erm, eccentric names. Mildred, Selma, Gretel, Carlton, Bart, Elmore... all of which I thought were hilarious, although Nicole was a little more concerned about what the students would think of them. I think, "oh god, that poor child!" was her exact response to most of my names but, in my defense, I teach over 850 kids a week and there physically aren't enough normal names to go round.
I nearly regretted the, er, more unusual names in my very first lesson that week. The plan was to have each student come to the front, choose a name, introduce themselves and write their name on the board, but the first student I chose, a boy sat right at the front of the class, was so shy he wouldn't even come to the front of the class. I took the box of names to him instead... and he chose that well-known English name, Claus. The whole class erupted in laughter, leaving me feeling a bit mean. My decision to include a wider range of names was, however, totally vindicated by one boy who, having spent nearly a minute sifting through the various options, finally chose the name "Horatio" for himself. He was happy, I nearly gave myself an internal injury trying not to laugh - everyone was a winner! The first few days handing out English names were generally really good fun. Between us, my students and I found most of the names funny (Bill had them falling off their chairs laughing, for some reason) and I managed to get some good photos of the students holding their new names, which I'm going to try an learn. There were also a couple of kids who made me laugh by insisting on choosing their own names. First up were Monkey, Devil, iPad and iPad3 (different classes), Messi (after the footballer) and Kiki, but my favourites came later. The Big Bang Theory is really popular here, so I have a few boys called Sheldon - my favourite of whom is the one who, with my assistance, tried to coerce the boy sat next to him into accepting the name Leonard (he was having none of it, very boring). I also have one boy who leapt up in his seat to declare: "I am VERY good man, so I am KING!" and another who rejected the name I gave him, Joel, and insists on being called Panda!, exclamation mark included. There is also a girl in one of my senior classes who has inexplicably, after much research with a supposedly English dictionary, decided she wants to be called Moor. One thing that was common to all of my lessons was the obsession with the names Rose and Jack: they would chant these names at odd intervals, shout with excitement if a similar-sounding name was chosen and go absolutely mental if one of these names was actually picked. Apparently Titanic was a big deal here! I named one girl Juliet and had the class chanting Romeo at the next few boys to come to the front, but Rose and Jack were definitely the most popular.
By Thursday, I was forced to admit defeat and start topping the name boxes up with names I'd already used, and the novelty of comedy English names was beginning to wear thin. This also coincided with a day full of my noisiest classes - usually my favourites because they make me laugh, but that day they turned out to be impossible to keep quiet whilst other students were getting their names. It was like playing that computer game where moles pop out of little holes at you and you have to knock them back down with a hammer; as soon as I'd managed to shut up one little cluster of students, another group would pick up. I quickly got sick of shouting "quiet!" at them, and using the Chinese "anjing!" would make them even louder as they gasped, cheered and applauded me, so resorted to making offending students stand up. This was a pain as well, as most of them didn't seem to understand the link between their talking and being made to stand up, and I wasn't happy about having to single kids out, even the most annoying ones. It wasn't all bad - everyone seemed really excited about getting English names, and some of the younger students are really cute, but I was still in a bad enough mood when I left that I sent a moaning text to another volunteer. At least, I meant to send it to another volunteer. I actually sent it to Julie. I'll leave you to guess at what the text said, but the response came all in capitals: DO YOU MEAN A NAUGHTY BOY HAS MADE YOU ANGRY? IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP? Whoops. (Bad mood-wise, I was completely cured by the Western meal and ice-cream Nicole and I treated ourselves to that night. ) Friday's lessons were much better, although I did have to whip out my best evils for the benefit of some boys chanting "pig! pig!" at a chubby little girl coming to collect her name. My death stare worked better than I ever could have imagined: all three of the boys were immediately silenced and didn't dare take their eyes off me for the rest of the lesson, which I'm counting as a success.
Other successes this last week have included Winston finally sorting out our visas, so we don't get deported in November, and our finally being paid, by the delivery in the cafeteria of Y6000. I've put up a few of my photos from this week's teaching, and from school since we've arrived, for you to nosey through, so that's me done for now.
Zai Jian!
xxx
PS: For those interested, my senior classes have since explained why some of the names got such big laughs. Dan, I already knew meant egg (amongst other things), but apparently Drew sounds like the word for pig and Ben means silly, or foolish in Chinese. The comedy value of Bill remains a mystery.
- comments
Jo Plainly the daughter of the woman who just lost her train ticket! Look like very happy students - and I like the natty track suits and the brooms hung up at the back of the class. Get well soon. XXX
Alice told you your death stare was terrifying nebs!
Jim So, you've been blasting the muggles with your Ava Kadava stare and now know why teachers don't smile until after Christmas. I really like the idea of you knocking children named after Big Bang Theory back into holes with a hammer, it could take over from Angry Birds.
Ella *avada kedavra, honestly dad!
Diane Kitchen Sounds hilarious Ella. Good job you didn't extend to surnames as well. You could have had great fun with real live examples such as Heavenly Sent ( do you remember her?) or Justin Case who Andy actually taught! I remember being told to remove references to Belen in setting GCSE Spanish exams because so many students had added a 'd' to the name and it had caused offence to markers. Lol. I admire your patience with such large groups - isn't ' it intimidating? I have also fallen prey to mixed text messages having once sent Miss Till a text which began Hola guara ( hi tart) instead do Hola guapa( hi gorgeous)! Oh well we are still friends so no hard feelings. I hope you don' mind me replying to your blog - it feels a bit like Facebook stalking. It' s a great read though. I am so envious. How on earth are you going to find little old Warwick Uni exciting after all your adventures in China. Funny how little things follow us about like being locked out . Is there no Pam equivalent out there who can keep a spare set of keys for you or you know the old box with the Orwellian code you can set up outside your front door. You could always get some guinea pigs and hide a set under their cage Ha Ha. That would please your mum. But then you would have the problem of what to call them? Bill and Ben? Nah people would die laughing at you And probably want to eat them which would NOT please your mum! What is the food like anyway? I can't believe you are eating westernised meals all of the time. Have you had dog yet? Can you imagine eating Hazel 's dogs? OMG by the way she has got 2 more cats! They are on Facebook and do look cute but really .....She probably wouldn't like me saying these things so I hope she is not writing on your blog too. Have you had any fish eyes? I don' t know why I think Chinese food is based on dogs and fish eyes .....tell me it's not true. Enough rambling look forward to your next post. PS writing this on school I pad. Looks like everyone might get one in January which is exciting but also quite scary since my IT skills are fairly basic and I have only just mastered ( in the loosest possible sense of the word you understand ) the art of PowerPoint! Diane
Nadia Mubashar Hi Nicole, This is Nadia, Website Director at GoOverseas.com. I’ve just been reading about your gap year experience so far in China, and it sounds like you’re having a great time (what a rewarding way to spent your time off!). At Go Overseas, we feature gap year experiences like yours to help our audience plan their trips. Let me know if you’re interested in sharing your experiences as well, and I will send more details, our audience would love to learn more about your gap year. Best, and happy traveling! Nadia
Ella haha I definitely don't remember Heavenly Sent! Apparently Warwick has loads of Chinese students - some people here even recognise the name - so I'll just have to tag around with them to relive the gap year memories... food is pretty good here, although we eat an ungodly amount of rice. Dad would have a fit because we don't actually have much meat - a lot of the meat is just like pig knuckles and stuff so we tend to pass on it! No fish eyes personally, although some other volunteers have tried them, and definitely no dog, although apparently it's a specialty in some of the places we're planning to visit. Ooh, and thanks for the powerpoints - haven't actually worked out how to use the projectors here yet, but I've still been swiping ideas from them for my lesson plans :)