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I am going to rush through the next couple of days as I am falling behind and I have a hangover the size of which I have not experienced for a while, but back to that in a while. We went into town to hand in the completed forms to the passport office and to finally register me! The large diplomatic woman behind the desk seemed adamant that I required medical insurance. Yuliya said it was unnecessary as I was married to a local! She phoned someone who obviously verified what Yuliya had said and slammed the phone down, before completing the form with a very loud stamp and a couple of signatures she looked very irritated that Yuliya was correct. I was now allowed to stay.
Back to farm after visiting Yuliyas grandmother Lola ( I like to call her Don King due to the fact that she has hair to rival the great boxing promoter). Let me tell you about the farm. The farm is sat on about an acre of land most of which is used to grow the various crops. There are strawberries (sadly now finished), cucumbers, tomatoes, potatoes, cabbages, onion, pumpkins ( used for feeding livestock as it is seen as an easy to maintain weed), marrows, gherkins and wine grapes- there probably many more including various herbs but they are seasonal and they may have already gone or are awaiting fruit! There are a number of animals on the farm- there are 2 pigs which will be slaughtered later in the year, then the meat is cured for the following year! Oh and can I just say it is something to be tasted- Yuliyas mothers attempted to bring some to the UK last christmas but was discovered at customs and they took it away! She was heartbroken and so were we! There are 5 goats on the farm (1 male and 1 a kid) which supply the milk for most of the family! Jamie has certainly acquired the taste and loves it! 10 chickens, with the 1 ruling cock, which of course produce fresh eggs. There are 3 hives of bees producing honey for the coming year. Then there are the domestic pets: an Alsatian dog ( which I think Victor uses with his security work) and a cat with her 3 kittens! To keep all of this fed, watered and maintained is back-breaking work which Victor and Tanya do in between their full time jobs! Honestly they are up at the crack of dawn and then come in late at night! They have no help off Marina and her family ( who own half the farm) but are happy to take their share of the spoils- this is a rather touchy subject and one of many challenging family dynamics that revolve around this family. I thought my family were the only one with problems but I guess most families have separation and animosity included. Anyway back to the farm. The buildings are a mixture of storage (dry and cold), workshops, animals pens, and of course the living accommodation. This has improved since I first came here. It was 10 years ago now and the farm at that time was Yuliyas grandmothers, where Victor and Tanya came to help out as it was getting too much for grandmother to manage. There was no running water- the only way to get water was to plunge a bucket into the well and haul it up 20 feet! This of course presented as a challenge when requiring a bath, which involved the heating of several buckets of water and the use of a tin bath! Last summer things improved and Victor built an outdoor shower utilising an old aircraft fuel tank! Filled by the newly acquired tap and naturally heated throughout the day as the top was painted black to absorb the heat of the sun! Honestly it is so refreshing and a perfectly acceptable temperature! But I have to admit it is abit disconcerting as it has been built next to the road, although not busy, there is still a chance that the neighbours might catch a glimpse of my arse! This is quite unnecessary now as the farm now has its own bathroom with sink, bath and toilet! Now this is in itself is not remarkable but up until this toilet was installed the only facility to rid yourselves of your number 2 was to go into a 'Beverly hillbillies' type outhouse toilet! Which if you don't know it is a seat above a pit! Now most people will turn their nose up at this, and to be honest if the wind is blowing in the wrong direction it is almost unbearable. But I love it and I still use it now! In the day time the sun shines into the hut and your have the most wonderful view of the farm and surrounding land. But the best time to use the toilet is at night with the blanket of stars above. My dad will verify this, it's very surreal! Put a bit of Pink Floyd onto your iPad and sit back and relax and get ready to experience the best poo of your life.
Wednesday saw the arrival of Yuliyas brother Sergey. He is 2 years older than Yuliya and has a good career in the military! He is a colonel at a Belarusian missile base close to the Polish border! He is currently studying in Minsk for a year and has this month off! He is staying for a couple of weeks! I like Sergey although he used to be quite closed off and moody. His job obviously is quite demanding and the pressure that the army put him under can be very high! This year at university seems to have mellowed him and he embraces me and the kids with a lot of love and compassion! He brought Jamie a toy gun and Maia a dolly, I must say Jamie eyed the Doll with envy and Maia soon was running around with Jamie's gun! Victor will not be happy.
With the arrival of Sergey brought a new issue for me... Another bloody man to outdo me, especially at the fishing. On Tuesday before Sergeys arrival, Victor and myself went to a small canal 5 miles away from the farm to do some float fishing! At last fishing I not only done before but was also competent at. As the wind howled through the forest behind me as an approaching thunderstorm let its fury be known, I set out with my fishing. After about an hour of feeding bread to the fish with little result (zero in fact) Victor called me over and showed me where I should be putting my float, it was a lesson I appreciated in a father-son type way. It then began..... 7 fish in total I was delighted. As we packed away after another hour I pulled out the keep net. I looked inside to look at my winning spoils I counted 15... Victor had only sodding well got 8.
The first afternoon with Sergey we went out to another canal on the other side of the brick factory where Tania works. Again float fishing was on the cards! With beer bottle next to me and the sounds of my IPad unsettling all of the other fishermen I set out religiously watching my float determined to get a result from every bite. Victor on the right of me only managed to get 2 fish, and Sergey and me got 8 each! At bloody last! I don't want it to be about the amount of fish but I just want to prove in some way that I am not as retarded as I sometimes feel.
Which brings me on to the scandal that was the internet! For some reason in Belarus it is not easy to get anything for free! Yuliyas mother has wifi and pays handsomely for it but it only allows you to access it if your machine has a bridge passworded programme on it! This was not acceptable to me and I set out to restore everyone's faith in me and allow access for everyone! I set out searching the type of wifi box and some blog sites and found very little apart from a way to access the modems internal settings via a hard connection! This was great it was in English and I could play to my heart content clicking on this, that and the other! And then it happened I have no idea what I did but the next click killed the internet! I needed to find a solution as this is where the television and all communication comes from in this house! I pressed back on my laptop to see what the forums would tell me but I had killed the internet! I'm not sure if wanted to laugh in desperation or cry with frustration but I had to hold my hands up and admit that I had done it! Tanya's reaction was not one that I expected, it was like someone had stood on and killed her favourite kitten! I felt like s*** and there was nothing I could do! Eventually one of Yuliyas cousins came and clicked a couple of buttons and saved the day for me and the internet was brought back from the brink of its demise!
If that wasn't bad enough I thought I would make amends on Wednesday night! Noticing that we had run out of beer I grabbed Marina and she drove me to the local shops. Here I bought Coke and Fanta for Victor, beer and vodka for Sergey and me, cigarettes for Sergey, dried fish for Yuliya and her mother and some sweets for the kids. We arrived back triumphant that I would finally bring a smile to everyone's faces- no one was talking to me, Yuliyas mother was crying in the shed, Sergey and Victor looked displeased. Yuliya said I was in trouble. By going out and getting all this stuff meant that her family had let "me" down, by not having the supplies already in the house. I was their guest and I would be paying for nothing! By buying all this stuff I had insulted the entire family! I set about trying to get rid of the evidence by drinking it! I only made it through 5 litres of beer before I felt quite nauseas and had to go to bed! They eventually forgot about it and it is a mistake I will not make again in a hurry! Just add it to the list of failings!!
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