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Hello Ingerland!
Well we've had a busy few days this week, we hired some scooters for our last few days here. They were a bit scrump mind. The front suspension on dads was shot and the brake lights on both of them were b*****ed, but they were bloody good fun whizzing around the crazy local traffic past cows and elephants! Didn't realise how much I missed riding a bike, you can't beat it!
We've left calangute and were now at palolem beach in south goa. We've got ourselves a beach hut at last. It was quite a journey getting here though. We had to get three different busses. We left quite early, about half seven, which was quite a shock to the system as I haven't got up before about ten since we've been in calangute. The first bus ride started ok with the usual clapped out of piece of junk that wouldn't be fit for the scrap yard in England, but things soon turned ugly! The bus drive had a look about him that you normally only see in people from broadmoor, he was a toothless Indian chap about forty-five. There were three Indian school girls sat up from next to him all about ten or twelve years old. I couldn't understand what he was saying but his toothless evil looking grin said it all and the girls responses of complete silence followed by looking at each other as if to say " this blokes off his head " confirmed that he was cut from the same cloth as our friend mr glitter! He continued to cackle to himself hunched of the steering wheel even though there was a complete lack of response. Without warning mr glitter decided that seeing as his witty chit chat wasn't working he should try to impress the young ladies with his incredible bus driving skills!!
At this point things became a bit a bit hazy for me as fear had overcome me like never before and the b**** had hold of me by the balls! If any of you have seen the film speed believe me it doesn't even come close. The twisty narrow and very crowded streets of goa don't even come close to the six lane freeways keano reeves had to negotiate. This didn't bother Gary though, he drove through villages with his horn on constantly at break neck speeds stopping only when some poor unsuspecting soul flagged him down. They barley had time to get on before he tore off again, one poor old woman nearly fell back out as he accelerated off. We came round one blind bend at a good fifty miles an hour and the road was only big enough for our bus, it was leaning over so far I thought my days were numbered, only to be confronted with an innocent little tuk tuk who had to on a little off road adventure. Eventually he stopped at the school to let the girls off, he was shouting something to them as they left and cackling to himself. Then adjusted his mirror so he could get a good look at them. I started to relax a bit thinking he would now slow down, but if anything he speeded up and hunched over his steering wheel more cackling away to himself and mumbling . At this point I just closed my eyes as I couldn't take it anymore, but luck was on my side as the engine started over heating. His co driver opened a hatch on the dashboard and started refilling the radiator on the go, this did slow him down though. Finally we pulled into the bus terminal and I started to relax a bit, that is until the Indian lady next to me started crossing her chest and the bus started to accelerate into a crowd of people. Beeping his horn and laughing away to himself with his yellow teeth bared for all to see he swung into the station with people running for their lives in all directions, turning the bus so sharply we nearly rolled over we finally pulled to a stop. I've never got off a bus so quickly in all my life!
Luckily the next two bus journeys were a walk in the park compared to the first, apart from getting mobbed by beggars at the bus stations and having to watch an old woman lift her sari up and piss all over the floor next to me.
So eventually we arrived at palolem beach and were soon greeted by hordes of touts offering us beach huts so we followed the first one and took us down to the beach. What a beach it was, about a mile long crescent shaped beach, White sand, crystal blue water, lined with palm trees and an island just off the one end. It looks like something out of a film. The beach huts are all pretty basic, ours was made out of plywood with just one bedroom and a toilet shower room. Every step in it feels like your about to fall through the floor. The toilet flush chucked more water on the floor than down the pan and the freezing cold shower only had about two holes that weren't blocked. On the plus side it was only about 20 foot to the beach and the bars. The first night in the hut was a bit of a nightmare as we realised just before turning in fir the night that we hadn't been given any bed sheets and obviously it had to be the coldest night since we'd Been in India! I haven't had such a miserable freezing cold night since the legendary tesco's value tent and tesco's value sleeping bag incident a few years back!
The next day we had a good look around and walked to Patnem beach where some off Sam's friends are staying but couldn't see them anywhere. We hired a double seated kyak and went for a paddle, on the way back in I said to dad we'll see if we can catch a wave. He didn't seem to keen as he's only just learnt to swim, but the waves weren't that big so I managed to convince him. As we paddled toward the beach i turned back to see the biggest wave I've seen since we've been in India headed for us. I could see a look of panic in dads eyes as he shouted to keep the kyak straight. We took off like a chuffin freight train on speed! I was sure we were comin off but some how we rode it in like a couple of pro's!
The beach touts seemed to plague palolem as much as they did calangute, selling everything from necklaces to sarongs. You even get these women with there children setting up tight ropes on the beach and the kids get up on them while mum plays the drums, it's very impressive. We bought some strawberries from a beach seller in the afternoon and remembered after we had just finished them how many people had warned us not to eat fruit that you don't peel. Sure enough that night I woke to hear dad throwing his guts up all night long. He spent all the next day on and off the toilet weeing out the wrong end! We weren't that keen on the hut so we moved to a hotel right next to the beach, for some reason it was half the price of the hut as well, its not what you would flash but certainly an improvement on hut.That night I woke with a gurgling sound coming from my stomach and new what was coming, I tried to go back to sleep and pretend it wasn't happening but it didn't seem to work. Ten minutes later I was on me knees gripping the edges of the piss covered toilet bowl throwing up for all I was worth, the first couple were really wrong, they were all most solid like having a big dump out your mouth! Which was followed by pissing out my Arse! Not a pleasant night really . I didn't feel great the next day really either, spent most of the day in bed feeling sorry for myself. I'm not too bad today just haven't really got my appetite back yet. We've booked in here till next Monday and then were probably going to move further south to mangalore. Hopefully going to try the trains out this time as were pretty near a station. Well that's it for now I'm off for a poo, or a wee I'm not sure really! Peace out
P.s. Happy birthday mamfer Gould! Xx
- comments
Didler YOU HAD THE WORST NIGHTS SLEEP OF YOUR LIFE ha ha I'm glad your liken all the random comments on the blog if I can't take the piss out of you at work I'm going to on this blog, you are like a walkin talking basic error, simply placed on this planet for me and Ben to laugh at, you are a grade A plonker all them currys ha ha your guts are gone peace out ssssssssshhhhhhhaaaavllllllaaaarrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Beans BUM GRAVYYYYYYYYYY!
ben i've been in touch with the guiness book of records and congratulations you are the official world record holder for the number of basic mistakes made by one man in a lifetrime!
Mamfa Gould Thanks uncle Lee! hope ur poo situation is on the change! Bus journey sounds horrendous! Hold on to your potatoes! xxx