Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eye, it is the swing in your gait, the grip of your hand.

My enthusiasm to continue this trip has been outstanding. Realising that you need money more then you want it & being enthused about your own choices is the most valuable thing.

The trip back to Kelowna wasn't the best experience. I thought I was strong enough to deal with the breakup, to be friends with my ex & stay in the same bed & house with him & his friends. I was definitely not happy. I was fine for a day, until I felt so alone, the house had too much testosterone for me to be dealing with a heartache. Went out on the first night to Level's, a nightclub that's popular for cheap drinks with the boys. Had a great night but it was the aftermath that really made the choice to leave Kelowna easy. His friends were staying in the lounge room for a couple of weeks & decided to bring back a couple of girls to share a night of passion with. The loud slaps & charming noises of intercourse really put me in an un easy place. The day after, I was constantly thinking of all scenarios about how things would pan out with the ex. What sort of life will he be living, girls he's going to talk to & see, my brain would just not stop. I decided I needed to leave. For my own peace of mine I packed my things, stole the car & ran to a friends house a couple hours away for a few nights to sort out my plan

Me running away without saying goodbye stirred the pot with the boys & made me feel even worse for doing what I needed to do, but knew that my choice to leave was the best option for me & real friends would have supported my decision.

I spent a few nights in Beaverdell with my supervisor from Big White, a beautiful family by my side, the country air to freshen up, a dog to cuddle when I wanted, a birthday cake & comfort was just what I needed. Realising that I had way more in common with my supervisor/friend then first realised was a great thing & a friendship that will never leave my heart.

I organised my next few months, I was to leave for Toronto & continue the next few months on my own.

I returned to Kelowna the night before leaving for Toronto & packed my things in a more organised fashion & felt the weight lift & the enthusiasm boom. Having him by my side made things clear again, that it was all for the right reasons, that I would be strong & that he needed to grow up without me.

I arrived in Toronto with $500 left in my account, No job replies & a plan to stick in the city with another friend. The first day was so overwhelming & nerving I didn't want to be there & felt so alone. I walked from my hostel to the waterfront realising that it was a city on the move. Construction, cranes, hard hats every corner you look. I called my supervisor in panic, where was everyone, there was no place for direction & it didn't look like a comfortable city for me to be in. I think the whole move & big change was just hitting me, I needed to know I was going to be ok & wasn't alone.

The nights sleep & a comfortable talk with my mate settled me in & I was to figure out as I go that it was going to be a great few months.

I found the second day to be more comforting, found Dundas square, people, shops, bars, big & open space full of people, buskers & lights... This was where it's happening & was convinced to stay. I had applied for about another 30 jobs on the computer & printed about another 60 resumes to drop off to some shops in hope that my few months plan in Toronto wasn't going to end in a week.

After a week of frantically looking for work I made conversation with everyone about needing to return home because the funds were getting tight. I was to either start work the next day or book a plane ticket home. There was a beam of light from the bunk above me though, two German girls had commented on getting an easy interview at a Golf Course a couple hours away. I decided to bug them for the address & get me a spot too. Thankfully we all got the job. We were to start the next day. The excitement & happiness overpowered me, I didn't have to go home early, I could stand on my own feet again.

The next day, awake at 3:30am to catch 4 buses with my two new friends from Germany, start work at 6 as greens crew at Lambton Golf Course. The long travel to the course was the hardest thing, the work itself was great. The people, the sunshine, the hard work. I love this job. The early nights & early mornings were putting a burden on the social life of the hostel. If I were to drink, I felt it the next day. If I stayed awake too late I would fall asleep on the way to work. Either one didn't stop me though, I continued to have my fun. That crazy Aussie girl is at it again.

I travelled for a few hours with my friend from home to Niagara falls, a day tour to see the sight of falling water. Just a bit of water I mean it's amazing how much water can constantly fall but I thought it would be bigger, I thought it would blow my mind. Maybe I am just not easily impressed. We caught the Maid of Mist into the base of the Fall where we were slaughtered with water, mist & bad photos. We thought it would top the experience off but it was another let down. The scenes from different times of the year though would be a greater sight, to see icicles or snow around the base. Snow makes everything beautiful.

Last weekend was a hectic rush. For a day a group of us left the hustle & bustle of the city behind us & went to Toronto island. We just relaxed & patted the one horse with an itchy neck. There was not much happening & the wind was so cold but the company, the sun, the grass, was all worth it & the view of Toronto was a great scene. There was also a "beach" that looked out over Lake Ontario towards Niagara on the lake & St.Catherines in the long distance. It was a peaceful view too but the one crazy person going for a dip was obviously in the mood for a chilly ride home.

Sunday I went to Canadas Wonderland with my friend from home, another Adelaidian girl who I've also become close with & my German brother from another mother. Amazeballs, is the best way to describe it. The thrill, the excitement the rush of a 308 ft drop left everyone exhausted by the end of the day. Running from ride to ride getting through as many lines as possible before closing time at 8pm. Screaming while dropping, laughing at everything, brought the child out in everyone. Definitely one of my favourite days. Also snuck in 2 loafs of sandwiches so we didn't have to buy food, good idea, as a 600ml bottle of coke was only $4... What a rip.

Unexpected best friends:

The 3.30am starts & early nights were great for room 6. The mutual working hours & quiet time in the hostel were hard to find, but came easy. We had an understanding that we all wanted to party, but all had to force each other to go to bed at a decent hour. The friendships we created with each other were beautiful.

The "quiet" Germans love to party, are young but need the day to day life of work. The long days we spent together meant more to me then they will realise, after only a week I already felt so close with them. Stories & pictures were only the beginning of our friendship.

Now the Canadian can go just as hard, he's living the crazy life of staying in the hostel during the week & going home to Niagara over the weekend. Operating these cranes that you see so commonly in Toronto is a hard life when you stay out past midnight with a bunch of travellers.

I'm not sure what the connection is, but when you get really excited to see the same person in your room every Sunday night & disappointed when they leave on a Friday there's obviously a special bond & makes you feel like some form of home is here. He's that type of friend that enthuses you to talk about your day, your life or to drag you out when your so tired just to get some munchies. Considering how rough the past few years have been with friends, It's nice to have someone close to you that can make you feel special & important just by messaging you about something they're doing. The type of guy to offer a helping hand or hold your hand when it's right.

Another German boy that's so mature for his age, always has some fun fact to share, a youtube video that's not even funny & some random question to ask. It's a slight scare to a new comer, but so comforting & fun once you know his ways. The type of guy who stresses about things not working out, but force a hug form him & you can see his eyes beam a little brighter. The type of friend that is like family, my brother from another mother. You can rely on for a chat & will always have something to tell you.

There's so many more friends that I have made in the hostels hat I've passed through, especially thi hostel as ive been here the longest. Friends that I previously had & are now closer, ones that came from my own town or country & had never met before & the random ones I wouldn't have met t if I weren't in this position. Like a close nit family, spending every day with someone is the life I've come to enjoy, especially enjoying it with these amazing people. I'm happy & never realised I wasn't before.

The past week I had been struggling with money & needed some wired to me from family just to pay for accommodation & food. It was helpful but very upsetting & stressful to have to ask for help. I quit my job at the golf course to work 30 seconds from the hostel door. I now am upset I don't rake bunkers in the sun & use edge trimmers while hooning around a golf course on carts, but I make melted cheese sandwiches for the same pay & am happier to not be working silly hours.

This weekend is my first weekend working a more relaxed life, It is my detox weekend, where alcohol isn't going down my oesophagus & late nights are only caused by grilled cheese sandwiches. Hopefully money goes through to my bank soon & I can relax a little more. I feel the need to look for somewhere else to relocate my stuff & accommodate myself as the hostel is noticeably very expensive to stay for the week. It's just the enthusiasm is minimal to look as I hear everyone else is struggling with finding the right place. I also don't want to leave the social life of the hostel for a quiet room in a house out of town.

In the next few months I will have to leave my new life here & continue with the travels before I go home to Australia, but where I will go I'm unsure. I'm in the mind frame to live by the day, that's all I have been able to do & I'm enjoying not having a plan... I've changed, I've let loose, I've put myself in a happier & more comfortable spot in life & I'm not scared about what will happen.

Enthusiasm Is the yeast that makes your hopes rise to the stars.