THE BUS JOURNEY: Darwin to Alice Springs

After arriving back for a quick re-pack in Darwin it is time to embark on our next Greyhound journey but this time it is the big one. 23 hours solid on a coach, deep joy.

Have you ever played spot the freak? It turns out to be so hilarious that it is hard to know where to begin, we don't want to sound too offensive and rude about our fellow passengers - but hey you know us, what the hell, they were a right set of nutters! So much so that we were playing 'who is the biggest freak' competition all the way down the road. There was one clear winner out of very, very strong competition.

First up are the couple of mental cases who are actually wearing hospital arm tags - turns out they get picked up at Katherine - to be returned to the asylum no doubt; next up is the guy who has just left the army and insists on staring/smiling/talking at everyone the whole time we are on the bus whilst wearing his best army parade-day cap and carrying a briefcase - as you do with your shorts and t-shirt; last but definitely not least are are the obligatory drunken old aboriginals who all smell of booze/wee, gorgeous - but they are all made to sit at the back away from everyone else. Must also mention Cooky the driver, who is a little eccentric but did a marvellous job - more on this later... We were so thankful for the top Aussie guy (complete with full beard, 'tooheys new' wifebeater/singlet,shorts and boots) who chatted to us along the way keeping us sane, but this guy went fishing out of helicopters for fun and had experienced 13 cyclones - so he's not really your run of the mill type either - he helps save the day though when things got a little out of control on the bus later.

So, as it happens one of the old aboriginal wee smelling drunks gets totally off his face, we think he'd been sniffing petrol at that back of the bus - not the kind of thing you'd expect from an old gadger. Anyway, somewhwere between Katherine and Tennants Creek when we are travelling at 100kmp/h plus he decides to try and escape from his demons though the window. It didn't work. The coach pulls over and Cooky the driver is looking a tad Pi**ed off - 'whos done this'? he screams looking at the smashed window. He then looks at the smashed aboriginal with all his mates pointing at him and deduces that he doesn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out 'who done it'? 'Right you, off the bus' orders the driver (we are at this point at the point where the term 'middle of nowhere' was created). Little does the driver know that the guy has a cunning plan to get out of this mess and thus he proceeds to play dead in the middle of the aisle, good plan as it turns out as Cookie the driver doesn't know what to do. Help is at hand though as in steps the bearded helicopter flying fisherman, to drag our winner of 'the freak on the bus contest' off the bus and leave him in a heap at the side of the road. Amazing, but all in a days Greyhound bus journey through the middle of Oz. Oh and the drunken guy left to die at the side of the road....? Amazingly he beats us to the next stop, he passes us with his mates in a Ute, only in Oz eh? Cool.