It is fair to say that in our Africa travels we have crossed a few borders.

The one from Livingstone, Zambia to Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe has to be the most visually impressive. I hasten to add that I am not talking about the actual border posts of either country, those are the usual collection of ramshackle buildings, often unmarked and designed to frustrate the hell out of any normal traveller.

This border has a distinct scenic advantage over others; it has the Victoria Falls or Mosi-oa-Tunya (Smoke that Thunders) as they call it in Zambia, as the border. As you leave Zambia you cross the Zambezi River just below the Falls using the Victoria Falls Bridge, a single span steel structure opened in 1905. For the anoraks amongst you the assistant consulting engineer, Ralph Freeman, went on to build the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Sadly you can't stop your car on the bridge. This is to stop you making a citizen's arrest on the complete and utter nutters who have this strange compunction to chuck themselves off the bridge with their ankles tied to a largish elastic band. Fortunately the bungee jumpers were out of sight below the bridge deck otherwise the urge to slow down and shout "try it without the rope" would be overwhelming.

We approached the Zimbabwe border buildings with some trepidation. Despite re-assurances from fellow travellers that Zimbabwe had settled down, visiting the dictatorship of Greater Mugabe with a British passport is akin to a circus performer sticking his head in the jaws of a lion with hiccups! In the end the most stressing part of the process turned out to be the cost! US$55 each for a visa, US$30 for car insurance we already had, US$30 carbon tax and US$10 road tax, a bargain for what turned out to be an 8 day visit!

Skipping the Falls (another US$60) we managed to find fuel and a US dollar ATM (Zimbabwe adopted the US dollar 18 months ago when even Mugabe had to accept that 2 Trillion Zim dollars for a box of matches was getting ridiculous)!

Despite becoming one of the poorest countries in the world, Zimbabwe's roads remain good so we visited Hwange National Park for old times sake. Here in the 1990s on our first trip to Africa, Mrs Mugabe left 350 of us stranded when she commandeered our plane for reasons of national security (shopping for shoes in Paris). This time we had Hwange virtually to ourselves, a shame for the park, the animals and particularly the staff, who rely on visitor generosity for food, clothing, shoes and reading material.

Our US$50 a day camping charge and US$45 park fees predictably disappeared in to the DRF (Dictator Retirement Fund). Our camp attendant at Mondavu Dam, Godfrey, was excellent despite the obvious difficulties of working without support, funding and equipment. Sadly the only reading material I had to give him was Clive Cussler's Sahara, probably the worst novel ever written. If you are reading this Godfrey please accept my apologies, again!

The good news for Hwange is that various charities have put money in to the campsites and, more importantly, the equipping of anti poaching teams and the maintenance of waterholes. The latter is critical in an area where the dry season lasts from April to November. On this subject our timing (late November) was perfect, hundreds of elephant appeared out of the bush every sunset at Masuma Dam, mothers making room for tiny calves to drink despite their own obvious thirst.

Regrettably the combination of high camping costs and difficulties getting petrol forced us to cut short our Zim trip and return to Botswana where we descended on Dian & Elzana again, this time to be re-united with our trailer and it's new set of leaf springs. Leaving the trailer in Botswana prior to our Zambia, Malawi and Zimbabwe trip proved to be one of our better decisions, not only did we save on fuel consumption but also we still have a trailer! Some of the roads, particularly in Kafue, would have been close to impossible!

Some 14,500 kilometres and 4 months after leaving South Africa we arrived back in the country to that charming rustic dorp known as Johannesburg, where we descended on the Hamiltons, who for some reason welcomed us back! Plans to visit the Cape for Christmas were cancelled when we started passing money over to the Landrover mechanics benevolent fund. Despite the costs, including 4 new tyres, the car performed superbly on this trip, it never let us down and coped well with some horrendous on and off road conditions!

Stuart and Trudi made their home our home for Christmas despite power cuts, phone line outages, storms, floods and burst water pipes (Angela's bowels may have contributed to some of these events but who am I to point the finger?) Fortunately the food and alcohol supply lines remained open throughout, though I still have nightmares about the way Stuart massages chickens (mercifully dead) with olive oil prior to roasting! I wouldn't like to accuse Stuart of enjoying the experience, but we did have roast chicken 32 nights in a row!

After 5 weeks I suspected that even my legendary wit and charm was failing to impress our hosts. Subtle clues, like the "Sold" sign in the yard, our car and trailer hitched up every morning with the engine running, the main gate security guard refusing to let us back in, and the GPS set to "anywhere but Joburg" suggested it might be time to give the Hamilton's their house back.

The final hint that it was time to go was when the huge willow tree by the front gate toppled over the morning we had promised to leave. Judging by the saw marks in the trunk Stuart had been planning to topple the tree after our departure to prevent our return, but a huge thunderstorm caused a premature collapse! Before we had chance to put the suitcase back in the bedroom and open another single malt whisky, Stuart had towed the tree from the drive and converted it in to a seasoned log pile!

Taking the hint we said our tearful goodbyes and left, our Metro Police motorcycle escorts (a nice touch Stuart) clearing the traffic and ensuring we reached the City limits in record time!

The Christmas to New Year period in South Africa is a tricky time to get a campsite as it is the main summer holiday, so luckily we had a fall back position, we invited ourselves to Isaac & Liesel's farm for New Year!

Big thank yous are long overdue to Dian & Elzana, Stuart & Trudi, Isaac & Liesel…..many thanks!