According to the lapa thermometer it is 46C in the shade. The humidity is overwhelming. We are sweating from parts of our bodies that we didn't know we had. It is as though we are wearing miniature Victoria Falls (or a Zuma shower head). The only positive is that the mosquitos are drowning before they can bite us!

Fortunately, between the 6 of us there are years of experience of coping with the heat of the midsummer African bush, and we soon come up with a plan. We (or rather Emma) will cook a traditional Christmas lunch of roast turkey, roast potatoes, stuffing, three veg dishes and of course, gravy!

Leaving aside the heat, our Christmas stay at Charlie & Emma's beautiful rondavel on the Ingwelala private reserve (unfenced and adjoining Kruger National Park) was a memorable whirlwind of game drives, fantastic sightings (leopard and wild dogs), great company and food, more ice in drinks than the Titanic encountered, oh and a smidgen of alcoholic beverages. A tropical downpour courtesy of Mozambique meant we had the added excitement of watching the dry river bed in front of the house turn in to a flowing river in the space of 12 hours, a reminder of the power of African storms!

We had arrived at Ingwelala after a stopover in Nelspruit, where we descended on Andre and Erna, last seen in the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park in 2011. They had rented out their spare room in the hope of deterring our visit but made the mistake of leaving their caravan on the driveway.

This was our first stay in a South African built caravan, with a quaint pop up roof system that allows a cool breeze to waft through the cloth sides in exchange for Angela's bodily gasses! A perfect design for Africa, sadly totally impractical for Britain or Europe where the rain, driven by gale force winds, would fill up the caravan until the occupants were swept out the side door on a bow wave.

Andre, and two year old Ethan, took us to see some incredible local waterfalls and quaint towns (Kaapsehoop and Pilgrim's Rest (the latter a preserved gold mining town). Stepping out of the caravan one morning I nearly stepped on a snake. Actually it turned out to be a Giant Legless Skink, harmless and beautiful, unlike the Mozambique Spitting Cobra that Andre nearly picked up in his garage when reaching for an electric cable.

Though this was a foot long 'baby' cobra, it had the ability to spit venom in to your eyes from 8 feet and the bite is cytotoxic, meaning that the venom attacks body tissue and causes severe pain and necrosis (tissue and cell death) and possible death if not treated rapidly. Luckily we knew none of this at the time as we watched Andre (wearing a pair of shorts and woodworking goggles to comply with stringent African health and safety standards!) hook the cobra on a broom handle and drop it in a plastic storage box. Angela and I offered moral support and relevant technical advice from inside the Landrover!

You'll note there is a picture of the Skink accompanying this blog; you'll understand why we didn't fancy taking the lid off the storage box to get a good photo of the cobra!

Besides snake charming and Christmas over indulgence Angela and I took a memorable trip through the Blyde River canyon (world's third largest) to Kruger National Park. Whilst the rains had ensured that the game was dispersed, Kruger looked stunningly beautiful and lush. Despite the lack of prey, the predators (lion, leopard and cheetah) were around in good numbers and we shared a memorable hour with 6 spotted hyena cubs at a den site in a road culvert near Shingwedzi rest camp.

This trip has been a bit disjointed so far as we've needed to do a considerable amount of remedial work on the car and off road trailer. Whilst heading back to Joburg recently via Nelspruit we've had the fridge repaired and the trailer tent zips replaced (it's always nice to be able to do the zips up at night when a pride of lions are wandering around outside).

They say bad things come in threes and we certainly experienced that, a pipe burst in our loft at home so we have water damage to the ceiling and walls and a ruined hall carpet. Many thanks to our neighbours, Ray and Audrey and to Terry, Jan, Lesley and Bill for sorting out the mess.

We are currently in Joburg having work done on the trailer that had to be postponed for South Africa's Christmas summer holiday shut down.

Our 90 day visas expire shortly so we have decided to exit South Africa at the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park, stay in the park for a month or so then go in to Botswana. Sadly South African has tightened down on coming back in from neighbouring countries, so called border hopping. We will get a 7 day visa rather than another 90 days if we try to come back to South Africa, a bit tricky given that our return flights to the UK are not until 14th April! It is a shame considering how much money we put in to the South African economy in terms of equipment, repairs, fuel, food (Editor's Note, Ralph you forgot the alcohol).

By the way, you may be wondering why this blog is entitled "Buy a lacquered donkey". Our friend's Stuart and Trudi have been trying to improve our knowledge and pronunciation of Afrikaans. The phrase helps us pronounce "Baie lekker dankie" (very nice thank you). Our Afrikaans is improving but we now own three donkeys and 18 cans of car paint!

Looking forward to meeting Bob and Lee, Ken and Nancy, Stuart and Trudi and Isaac and Liesel in KTP over the next month or so.

Long overdue thanks to Danny (V8 expert), Stuart and Trudi, Erna and Andre, Lizel and Janus, Charlie (don't mention the football) and Emma, Pete (don't mention the football) and Beate.

Final thank you to Jacob Zuma, South African president, HIV/Aids expert and marriage guidance counsellor, for spending $23million of taxpayers money on a new pool complex and cattle kraal at your private home, may you get what you deserve!