Bare Faced Cheek(s) in Botswana

"We must look at each other's groins tonight"

Rarely do I receive such direct (or come to think of it, any) sexual requests from Angela so it was with eager anticipation that I agreed to have my groin inspected.

Sadly it transpired that this was less to do with preparations for a night of rumpy pumpy and far more to do with the tick that I had (fortunately) intercepted earlier that day as it headed for my groin area. It turned out to be the only tick on either of us but rarely have I had so much fun hunting insects!

A profusion of ticks was just one of the consequences of a very good rainy season in Botswana's Central Kalahari Game Reserve. Another was the tricky conditions getting to the park gate at Matswere and onwards to Deception Valley, a total of 80 kilometres of slipping and sliding through water and mud holes in what might have been described as a track by a blind optimist 10 years previously.

Towing the off road trailer in these conditions adds to the element of excitement, not least because your entry and exit angles are more complicated but also because you do not want to meet any oncoming traffic. It was inevitable then that we would meet an oncoming vehicle in the last and most difficult kilometre of the track.

We were both about to enter the same hole, albeit at opposite ends when it struck me that the Toyota Landcruiser seemed familiar. It turned out to be Karel & Hildy, whom we had met in the Kgalagadi a month previously. In such a big place it is an amazingly small world! It transpired that they had managed to see the whole of Namibia in the time it had taken Angela and I to re-stock our vehicle with wine and cross the border in to Botswana. Despite the torrential rain it was a good re-union, and we wished them well on their trip up Africa and back to the UK (which at the speed they were going would probably take 48 hours!)

Two further days of rain failed to dampen the spirits of our friends and trip organisers, Isaac & Liesel. Liesel kept herself distracted from the weather by chatting about the best way to dispose of ……Isaac. An "accident" with lions to ensure the disposal of the body seemed the preferred approach after discussions with Angela, and if the speed to which both women warmed to the theme was slightly unsettling for me, you can imagine how Isaac felt!

Fortunately for Isaac we failed to see any lions for days and the subject was forgotten temporarily, as we tried to revive some African Barn Swallows who like us, were struggling with the wind and constant rain. Sadly, despite warming the swallows in socks, clothing and even next to the car heater ducts we could not prevent some of them from dying of exposure.

The rain relented as we travelled west through this huge park to the remote Passarge Valley where our nearest neighbouring campers were 17 kilometres to the north. Having spotted 4 lions on an afternoon game drive Isaac was uncharacteristically nervous and keeping a close eye on Liesel, especially that night as the roaring suggested the lions were coming our way!

Booked 12 months previously to ensure we got it, Isaac had chosen our next campsite, Tau (lion) Pan because it was remote, quiet and beautiful, an ideal location for him to "celebrate" his 50th birthday. Sadly since the booking the Botswana government, in line with its minimum numbers, maximum earnings tourism policy, had allowed Kwando Safaris to build a luxury lodge on a ridge overlooking Tau Pan.

We didn't mind sharing the area with a couple of game drive vehicles from the lodge but the noise of the camp generator was irritating, the lodge buildings undermined the feeling of wilderness and the twice daily drone of light aircraft fetching and depositing the next batch of guests was intrusive. As I have mentioned a few times in past blogs, we are very glad we are doing this trip now, most of these wild places will soon end up the exclusive domain of megabucks private tour operators!

The campsite, soon to become a sundowner spot for the lodge safari vehicles according to the manager that visited to check our permit, sits on the edge of the pan under the shade of some mature camelthorn trees. It is a perfect place for quiet contemplation and relaxation so it is ironic that the four of us ended up sharing the camp with 8 other people and 7 vehicles (much to the obvious annoyance of the lodge manager!)

The population explosion occurred when Mark, an ex Met Police murder squad detective arrived with his son Cain. Their Landcruiser was towing a Kea rental van, a Nissan that had developed an aversion to the wet conditions, occupied by a German/Dutch couple Norbert and Annalese.

By the second evening a Kea recovery car and replacement vehicle had arrived from Maun (contacted via the lodge two way radio), and we were also joined by a South African couple, Jerry and Cecile, who had tried in vain earlier to sort out the Nissan auto electrics. As we all sat around a huge campfire the bush talk, aided by a few drinks, got louder and louder, and I almost (but not quite) felt sorry for the guests up in the lodge paying US$1500 a night each for their "exclusive" wilderness experience in unspoilt Africa.

If the noise of our camp was an unexpected irritation for the lodge guests another event, the day previously, would certainly not have been high on their list of expected encounters. Two of the above friends, and propriety requires me not to the name them, were driving west from Tau Pan in a remote area on a late afternoon game drive when the heat, dust and romance of the African bush (or whatever) created an overwhelming urge to "conjungate" their relationship.

Confident that they had the place to themselves they jumped out of their car, cast off their clothes, lay down on the track (what about ticks was my first thought when listening to the story later) and started enjoying themselves. Their enjoyment was short lived however as they heard the familiar low rev chugging of an open top game viewing vehicle approaching.

The lady grabbed her clothes and dived in to the car, the gentleman, for reasons that remain a mystery, jumped in to the car naked! The game drive vehicle pulled up alongside and the safari guide, trying his best to disguise a smile the width of Africa, handed our friend a rolled up pair of shorts and pants, with the comment "Do these belong to you Sir?" Our friend, with admirable cool considering that a camera lens dust cloth was the only thing covering his modesty, retrieved his clothes with a polite thank you!

Fortunately for our friends there was only one guest on that afternoon game drive, and her beetroot red face suggested she had clearly seen more than she'd expected. We would love to know what she wrote in the "Sightings" book back at the lodge!

From Tau we headed southwest to Pipers Pan where Angela and I had our best animal encounter of the trip. We were on a sunrise game drive when we spotted a cheetah and two large cubs in the middle of the pan. The mother was very shy and disappeared in to the bush but incredibly the two cubs stayed their ground and spent 45 minutes inspecting our vehicle at very close quarters, a magical experience.

Sadly our time in the Central Kalahari was over too soon. The journey from Pipers Pan to the park exit gate at !Xade and then out to the town of Kwang re-assembled our internal organs thanks to a combination of deep sand, rock hard pans with deep holes, bad corrugations and tall grass.

The latter was proving a pain in the proverbials, I was spending an hour every evening underneath the car extracting huge clumps of grass and seeds from the exhaust mountings and drive shaft. This was hot and dirty work, but far preferable to having the car catch fire!

Already worried about horrendous noises coming from the engine and the loss of ½ a litre of water from the radiator each day, it was inevitable and predictable that the car would end up over heating. The seed net that was failing miserably to prevent seeds or even stems of grass from collecting in the radiator was doing a good job of restricting the airflow in to the engine so we removed it (the net I mean, though it was tempting to remove the engine!). We drove the last 200 kilometres to Kwang with everything crossed and arrived just before sunset having left Pipers an hour before dawn.

Booking a night in a chalet in Kwang was great foresight by Isaac; it gave us a chance to get 10 days of Central Kalahari dust and grime out of our nooks and crannies! Until you go without running water for a week or more you have no idea how valuable and precious a commodity it is! The service station at Kwang was also an opportunity to re-fill the 10 x 20 litre petrol cans we were carrying on the car roof rack and trailer, and the air hose was perfect for removing grass from the radiator and other parts of the engine.

Refreshed and clean we headed south on a sand track road to Mabuasehube, the Botswana side of the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park, a new destination for us.

To be continued…………