Off the rails in Thailand

Anywhere would have been a breath of fresh air after India but Thailand was perfect, being as touristy as it is and certainly a great place to provide the western comforts we have been neglected for the two months in India.

Thailand for backpackers is a great place to party and being able to buy a beer wherever you like was without doubt a change from India. Being on a budget, I had to drink the local Thai beer, Chang, which is really dangerous due to its strength and the hangover's were hell.

I won't bore you describing Thailand as we all know what its like so I'll just tell what I've been up to. First the 'ping pong show', I discovered isn't a game of table tennis! I will keep it as clean as I can. It involves Thai girls putting ping pong balls inside their private area and ejecting them with incredibleaccuracy into a bowl, I'm sure you have all heard or seen this phenomenon. However, it was the other activities women are capable of doing down there that surprised me even more: smoking a cigarette ('really' and puffing out the smoke), pulling ten razor blades out at speed, blowing darts to pop balloons, oh and my favorite consuming a bottle of clear liquid and mysteriously refilling the bottle with coke. It should be noted that most of the crowd were young western girls; I think they must see it as more of a tutorial than a form of entertainment.

People joke and talk about the existence of lady boys in Thailand and again I was surprised to find that the place is teaming with transvestites. One night we were in Krabi (west coast of the southern peninsular) having a few drinks in a club with fellow travelers.The place seemed dead for the most part of the night then it filled with girls, well at least we thought they were. The reality was we couldn't tell the difference, it was scary they were full on some followed us back to our hostel and we really had an effort shoeing them away. I herd some sick stories involving a Thai boxer lady boy mugging tourists…its a crazy world! I reckon that 80% of the 'girls' in the clubs were lady boys.

The Thai massages are great!We paid three pounds for a one hour massage it wasn't as physically powerful as I had heard but I enjoyed it more than the Indian one.

The full moon party was an experience. We arrived in Ko Phangan a few days before it started and went toHaad Rin beach for a couple of nights to warm up.Its true what everyone says about the buckets of cocktails… they certainly keep you up all night and are so cheap. It was amusing when all the alcohol sellers on the beach scrambled to pack everything away when the police came bearing in mind that everyone is stood around wasted holding the buckets in their hands (the 2 days prior to the full moon party were religious holidays and thus suppose to be dry). On the night of the party we painted ourselves in illuminous colours which was fun and certainly attracted attention. The fire throwers, huge speakers and crowds of about eight thousand people made one hell of a party.We could see the full moon right above the horizon exactly in the centre of the beach. If you get lost amongst the crowds or wonder from your group (which we all did at one time) you can spend ages searching for everyone.

I unfortunately also saw some locals searching through girls handbags whilst they stood nearby in a drunken stupor.We were lucky but also sensible in that we didn't take anything valuable out with us. They even designate safe sleeping areas on the beach where people could have a kip safe in the knowledge that they wouldn't be robbed or worse. The party went on well into the following day and I've still got that paint all over my clothes.

We went to the island of Ko Phi Phi next and was gutted to discover that my new camera LCD screen had cracked, I was so pissed off as it meant that I had to take pictures blind (the camera still worked but there was no sight). In Phi Phi we visited Maya Bay where the film 'The Beach' was filmed.It was a lot smaller than I imagined and packed with tourists.

After Phi Phi we caught the ferry to the island of Ko Tao.I completed my open water diving course over three days and was so much fun.On the reef we saw trigger fish, sting rays and my favorite, those funny colourful sea cucumbers. On the day of our final dive I think I was must have been too excited because I allowed my oxygen to drop to low and had to use the instructor's regulator to ascend quickly. The funny thing is we bought the DVD of the course and I was filmed pointing at my pressure gauge in distress! I'm really considering doing my advanced diving course which entitles you to dive to a depth of 30 meters and you also take on a night dive as part of the course.

After the islands we caught a coach to Phuket.It was fun but full of 'go go' bars which I found it a bit seedy and most of the tourists consisted of old European men holidaying with 'Thai brides' they had rented for the week. There was an area of the beach that was full of groups of old fat German's and I mean old 50-80 years old sitting with Thai girls.The sickest part was that one of them was sat with an young boy. We didn't stay here long. I did however get a first hand account of what happened the day of the tsunami as many people had died in Phuket.

One of my favorite parts of Thailand was Chiang Mia in the north.We stayed in one of the coolest hostels so far 'Julies guest house', where we met so many other backpackers most on the same route as us. We went trekking, elephant riding, bamboo rafting and white water rafting. Whilst trekking we stayed in the jungle with a local tribe and I remember looking up at the star's one night and seeing the most star's I have ever seen, it was like looking at the cosmos through the Hubble telescope. We also saw jumping spiders in the holes in the mounds of earth. A guy from North Korea gave us one of our classic moments when he shouted 'MR DOG' after he felt a dog under the table… he didn't speak much English and so didn't talk much.

We went to see tigers in the 'Tiger Kingdom' which was different to the tiger temple near Bangkok. You can have your picture taken with cubs or adult tigers but its really sad as they are all drugged on some sort of tranquilizer and just moping around trying to sleep. When I asked a staff member if they were drugged he just looked down and shook his head. We did see one in a cage that was clearly not drugged as he was leaping around showing his teeth and roaring at us.. he would have eaten us given half the chance.

I read a book called 'The Damage Done' which I highly recommend as its about an Australian who spent 12 years in Thai prisons for drug trafficking.As a result of reading it I am overly cautious and check my backpack thoroughly every time I cross a border.

see photo's, Thailand