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We were picked up and explained that this bus would be the tribe. Since we were a tribe we had to pick a chief. Being shoved up it looked as if i had been picked for these responsibilities. Effort! After being renamed chief Mikella and being taught traditional Maori greetings, the bus stopped and the ceremony begun. As chief i had to stand at the front with the chief of the other bus, while the welcoming tribe greeted us in a traditional way. The only command i was given was to keep a straight face. Now you've all seen the huka, thats pretty intense. Try being face to face with 6 Maori warriors gesticulating madly right in your in your face, poking out their tongue and popping out their eyes, clad only with a loincloth, face paint and sheer masculinity. As my lip begun to nervously wobble and the thought of 'corpising' reigned ever closer, the guide whispered in my ear 'if you can't keep a straight face i'll have to ask you to stand down...". So, looking absently into the distant, i decided to think what i would do as Spurs manager. Playing modric on the left in a four man midfield would leave us susceptible to counter attacks down that side, i thought as the chief bellowed a war shout; if you play Palacios and jenas they both have the pace to cover that position which would allow modric license to roam forward without having to worry too much about defensive duty - the woman begun singing; anyway if keane plays, him and modric will just have to work to together to ensure that one of them is keeping the defensive structure in place after an attack has ended - the sound of the horn bellowed and it was finally over.....phew. We were led into the village which was incredible, looked like something out of Pochahontaus (before you pull me up on racial ignorance, i do know that native americans and Maori are not the same people) and then watched a mind-blowing performance of ancient Maori song, dance, music and storytelling . It was truly unbelievable - especially the main tenor who had t*** bigger than Jordan, especially after her recent reduction. By this point we were all absolutely starving; the thought of the all you can eat buffet, which Rich promised us would be the best meal we'd have the whole time traveling, seemed very attractive. It was. Simple as that. After dinner i was called up and thanked for being chief. I was given a fantastic necklace (which i still have on) and a big round of applause. Was a very moving moment. After this i had to dance the hukka which was rather intimidating, especially since i didn't know it. Anyway after a hilarious car journey home where we sung each nations traditional anthem (the spice girls for england - naturally) and went round the roundabout 5 times singing 'she'll be coming round the mountain 5 times' we arrived back at the hostel and went to a Pajama party where we all got pretty wasted and i ended up in a shopping trolley going round the roundabout repeating the events of early that night. quality night!
Day 4 - Roadaroa - Whitanamau
Zorbing! Basically your put in a … ball with water in it and you roll down a hill. The Swoop! You do it with 2 other people and your strapped up into what looks like an oversized sleeping back and hoisted up 40 meters backwards where you 'swoop' headfirst only 1metre over the ground at ridiculous speeds - was ridiculously cheap and ridiculously exhilarating. Black Water Rapids! this was a serious day! Picking the 5 hour abyss, we arrived and were put into wet suits and given some basic abseil training. going first, i abseiled down an enormous 'tardis' like hole which started off as a gap in which a human can only squeeze through and then expanded into an enormous cave - oh and ye it was PITCH black. After this unforgettable experience, we plodded through the caves up to a zip wire, again in the dark. Then we were instructed to grab a rubber ring and leap off the 4 meter side into the freezing cold watery abys. After a ridiculous backflip example and few other before me it was my turn. After a little hesitation i threw myself off. hitting the water, the cold sent me into a little state of shock where i found it hard to breathe. I had to get out the ring, undo some of the suit for more air and jog up and down in the water - it didn't really help the cold - but i guess it kept me alive, so it must have done something. We then tubed down the water in the dark only lit up by glowworms, making the cave look like the nights sky - was sensational. We stopped and then in typical Kiwi fashion the guide stopped us and told us a ridicoulsy long stroy about glowworms or something when were all as close to hypothermia as Jacko was to a comeback tour. luckily we both didn't make it. Too soon. We tubed for a little bit longer and then left them behind and carried on down the cave, in pretty deep and treacherous watery conditions. Oh and did i mention is was still freezing. I mean f***ing freezing. Like to the point where every step hurts and each minute is a minute closer to turning into the iceman. Luckily we stopped for some hot orange squash and chocolate. It seriously hi the spot. Sensing i was pretty close to hyperthermia, the guide poored some down my back. If you think a long piss after holding it in for a long motorway journey is a good release, you haven't felt anything yet. A little bit further down the line we were told we had reached a crossroad: you could either continue and climb the 'waterfalls of doom' or turn left down the 'tunnel of shame'. If lame old Frodo can do it, i certainly can. So I climbed these two ridiculous water falls with no harness or andy real safety precautions. Climbing through a tiny hole we were finally out. Five hours after abseiling in the bright of day we had finally returned, in the dark of night. It was such a rewarding experience, the feeling of the boiling hot shower warming my frozen skin, even better. A really amazing and inspiring experience, something I'm so glad i did!
Back at the hostel late i just went to the pub to get the keys from Rich for the bus but ended up staying there till pretty late. Pretty Eventful day eh ! ! !
Day 5- Whitanimo - Taupo
Saw rabbit shearing which was very surreal - the rabbits look more like sheep, very funny to look at. We arrived in Taupo after looking at a pretty cool waterfall and we decided to check out the town and look for a charity or 'opp' store to buy some warm clothes. They were all closed, so after finally buying a new sim card and being linked to the outside world once more, went to buy a few things from he supermarket. I ended up buying loads (allow having to go back again for a month) and bought an eco friendly bag - not because their eco friendly, but because their easier to shlap back. So in the one hand my normal shopping bag - doubled up after an unfortunate incident in Sydney - and on the other shoulder, the eco bag. On the way back i started to hear strange noises. thinking it was about time i formally had a mental disability, i just ignored them as insanity. hearing a tearing sound, i placed the bags sown, but then deciding 'oi what can i do about it', i carried on walking. two paces later and with a massive tear, the strap split from he bag and it bolted to the ground smashing Dolmanio sauce all over me, smashing all the eggs. Holding back tears i calmly convinced myself that this could easily be rectified and with a rocky like 'common mike you can do it moment' tied the handle back around the bag and cradling the shopping continued towards the hostel. Walking back proud of my ingenuity - rip. the bag just split in the middle and the entire shopping fell out - another Dolmanio smashed. Throwing down the other bag of shopping i kicked the wall next to me crying out 'For f*** sake!!!!' scaring the crap out of some helpless old lady. kicking the bag in violence screeching it was the last time i ever bought a f***ing eco friendly bag or helped a world who never seemed to help me i just squatted down to the ground on the ground, hands cupped in my head looking as if i just missed a penalty in the world cup final. After at least five minutes of this, a woman walked past and jumping up i asked her to watch my shopping as i ran into a distant petrol station to get some bags. Only having puny little piss bags i bought some full-on black sacks and run back to the shopping. So imagine this. Me shuffling down the streets of Taupo in the pitch black, absolutely freezing cold, covered in pasta sauce looking like i'd just been shot, cradling an enormous black sack of shopping whilst violently and vocally cursing the world and everything in it. Its safe to say i didn't;t rely feel like going out that night.
Day 6
Skydive!! Falling out of a plane from 15,000 feet may seem like a silly idea. Its not. WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! After the ridiculous adrenaline rush of defying every logic your brain can muster the rest of the day spent with Jim and Phillipa in the natural hot pools of the Taupo river soudned like a plan. Feeling like going out this time, the bus decided to have a bin-bag party. naturally, i chose something that spanned my two great loves - nudity and of course Homosexuality (if your worrying Zaida, then do. haha no its fine, the chance of little Michael's running about some day is still alive - if it hasn't already happened that is.....). So me and Jim went as Mr Gay Uk - me with MR G on my chest and him with AY UK on his. All i shall say that the night was messy, very messy and ended with 4 lads just in their pants eating McDonalds in the freezing cold. Good times!
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