Profile
Blog
Photos
Videos
Day 7-8: Taupo - River valley
Day 8: River Valley - Wellington
It's just a little lodge in the absolute middle of nowhere which just exists for the rafting. Really charming. The rafting is a grade 5. To put it simply; it's dangerous. Being told in typical relaxed kiwi fashion that 6 people had died on the route was pretty frightening. Signing your life away, the long uphill journey, my raft mates….all made for tense emotions. Unfortunately, the lake was really pretty tame. No one fell in and it wasn't as exhilarating as I had anticipated. Still enjoyable though!
Day 9 Wellington - Nelson Just the ferry really.
Day 10 Nelson - Westport
Beginning of the south island so the group completely changed. Apart from Jim, Phillie, Jack and a few others, was a completely new and full bus. Stopping off at the famous jetty where ALL the kiwi experience pictures are taken, we jumped in the most freezing lake of all time. It should win an award or something. The Westport hostel was like a little house with a TV and kitchen for each room - sweet as.
Day 10 Nelson - Lake Mahinapua
POO PARTY!!! Your driver tells you a theme for the party and you stop off in a little town and buy some clothes for the theme. Ours was to dress up as something that starts with the same first letter as your name. Undecided , carol pulled out a single piece maid's outfit from a toy shop - sorted then. We then busted it on a ten minute walk down to the Salvation Army. We got there as it was closing. Pleading with them to let us have a look for two minutes, the lady refused. 'It's for charity for gods sake', still no. Asking me to leave a second time I told her that I don't know how she goes to sleep at night and that if a poor little orphan kid were to die because of the 2 dollars 50 I was to spend on stockings, that I hope she could find away to live with herself. She obviously could. I was kicked out of Salvation Army. That's something to tell the grandkids.
Les. Les is the gentlemen that runs the Poo Pub. Being 84 he is New Zealand's oldest and most famous publican. Stepping on the bus with a grey beard longer than New Zealand's music scene and a sharp temper, we were prepared for a humorous night. Being an 84 West coast, dairy milk farming mentalist, it's not les' fault that he's a racist misogynist bigamist narcissist perve. It's not his fault that he refers to one of the boys as ' the chink '. Its not his fault that he lectures us ignorant city dwellers that it is the Jew's who are to blame for the economic recession ( common les at least be original). Its his upbringing. Its societies. Anyway after a steak cooked dinner from the big man himself, we all went back to get dressed. High heels are really hard to walk in. I mean if I was Prime Minister my crime policy would be to make all criminals where high heels for the night. I still have no sympathy for girls though as there is a very simple solution to the problem. Don't where them. People's costumes were hilarious: a pensioner, Swine Flue, borat, A Condom, various drags and Boris Becker just to name a few. It was a messy messy messy night. I don't remember anything from a certain point and from what people have told me….thank god I don't! I still hold the principle: if you don't remember it, it didn't happen. Well anything that helps you sleep at night. One story that Jim and Phillie like to relay (to everyone who they meet) is that apparently I stumbled in and bumped my foot. In doing so I spent the next five minutes wailing hysterically with my head in between my feet. Ye right. That doesn't sound like me……
Day 11: Lake Mahinapau - Franz Joseph
Somehow I made the bus. On the way we stopped off at this the 'bushman barn': a place where some hilarious man celebrates hunting and New Zealand's second biggest pastime of killing possums. Due to its explicit nature lots of people write in furious. So he puts them and his ingenious replies on the wall. Great man.
Day 12: Franz Joseph …..MY BIRTHDAY
Birthdays are pretty cool. Spending your birthday on top of the largest moving glacier is even cooler. The day was incredible, climbing the ice, going through caverns, teasing our guide, all classic. One particular funny moment was when one of the group got stuck in the glacier cavern. Doing the only thing I know how, I begun singing to him to lifts his spirits. Mariah was wrong; you can't do anything when you believe…..you need a big rope, a chisel and a few Maori rugby players to help along the way.
Before we went out Jim, Phillie and Jack had got me a birthday cake which was really sweet. It's really hard making such close friends and then having to say goodbye.Oh well I guess that's life. In the evening, chief birthday planning authority: Southgate Yiddo Craig (who happens lives on the road next to the grandparents) was determined, in his own ways, 'to make the lad chunder'. 19 shots was the target, capitulating with a dirty pint containing gin, vodka, rum, malibu, whisky, tequila, tobasco, sambuca, and others which they wouldn't tell me (pepper I think), all topped up with beer and cider. Craig underestimated Shmichael, my ingenious nickname, and though my memory did partially disappear, no chundering did occur.
Not a bad birthday really.
Day 13 Franz Joseph - Wanaka
Day 14 Wanaka - Queenstown
Now Rich had been my driver for almost 2 weeks. He had gotten to know me, dare say even love me. Did this stop him from leaving me behind and making me walk with all my stuff for 30minutes to puzzle world. No. Feeling betrayed I swore to never love again. It was here at about 9am that the news about Jako seeped through. It was actually really sad. Even though his peak was somewhat before my time and he spent most of my conscious years either in court or on plastic surgeons chair, I still felt a part of my childhood, a part of society had died with him. I hence wasn't really too impressed when Rich begun to go on a personal vendetta against our sadness. Rich's tenure in my heart died that day also.
On the way to Queenstown we stopped off at the bungy bridge, the first site when this ridiculous fascination begun. I set myself up for a nervous night: booking the 3rd highest bungy in the world - the Nevis - for the next morning.
Day 15 Queenstown
Bungy!!!!!! It was the most unbelievable, exhilarating, just wowwwww thing I have ever ever done! Absolutely incredible. In typical fashion, I forgot to empty my jacket pockets and so I was followed by an array of tissues and my locker key. On a buzz I did the arc swing as well which was also pretty awesome. I now feel the urge to buy a million elastic bands, make a bungy and then just jump off of everything. Hatch End Free church beware!
Day 16 - 21 Queenstown
Apart from being astonishing beautiful, Queenstown is New Zealand's party capital. Unfortunately, 'hitting the wall' I couldn't really take full advantage of its night life. There's only so much drinking you can do I guess. In the day I spent a vast sum of money to go see what is apparently in the 3rd most beautiful place in the world - Milford Sounds. Yes it was beautiful, but New Zealand is beautiful. It was no more stunning than the corner opposite my hostel or the view out of the bus.A massive waste of money - well in my opinion anyway - believe me at your peril! Another disappointment was the famous Fergburger. Yes it was a good, big burger but it was too posh for me. Give me a greasy onion filled paddy from the 'Grassy-arse' East Stand seller at the lane and I'm a much happier man. And I know my burgers.
Saying goodbye to this bus was particularly difficult. After Asia, being with amazing people of a similar age and mindset was an incredible experience. I really think the Kiwi Experience is the best thing I've ever done. Anyone thinking about travelling should do it. It has been the best month of my life and even though I have a terrible cold, a damaged liver, Chlamydia and exhaustion, I would recommend it to anyone. Maybe not Scott.
Day 21 Queenstown - Christchurch.
Day 21 Christchurch to Kaikora
Was just left with Jim out of the original gang, as Phillie, who has a neurotic phobia of ferries (women ! ) flew the next day to Wellington. In a town of very little to do I resorted to the most Goyim of Goyim activities. A pub quiz. Me and Jim came an admirable 3rd (playing against teams of an average of 5/6, not just 2) and got a 20 dollar bar tab. After this and my new obsession with pies, the thought of changing my name, shaving my head and taking a job on a building site, has definitely crossed my mind.
Day 22: Kaikora - Wellington
Day 23 Wellington
Wellington, New Zealand's capital is named Mini Melbourne and has apparently got the largest café to area ratio in the world, even beating New York. I've been to both. That's utter bolllocks. I think the New Zealand authorities should probably realize that an old lady drinking a cup of tea in her living room does not count as a café.Visited the Te Papa museum, a fantastic museum where I nerdeshley spent over 6 hours indulging in the geography and history of the region. You know what they say; once a Q.E boy……
Walking down the street I bumped into some of the lads from the bus and Harriet and Caitland came to join us at the hostel later also. We had about 12 of us from the bus. This + every (I mean every) drink for 4 dollars at the base bar = a good night. Beforehand I busted out the guitar and we all had a sing song. A hugely cringey moment full of ruach. A highly emotional and enjoyable night. I had to finally say goodbye to Jim and Phillipa after almost a month. That had thoroughly taken care of me. I had been a cross between their son and a handicapped child: they used to take all the stuff off my bed when I was drunk before I came in and they came to find me when 'the driver who shall not be named' behind. They were like my family and I'm gonna miss them immensely.
If any of you were sick after that comment, that s fine. I'm wiping it off the keyboard as we speak. Apologies….
Day 23 Wellington - Taupo
Day 24 Taupo - Roadora
Since I've been to these places before, I'm just winding down, getting my energy back for the epic that is Africa. I'm currently in Roadora and I went racing today on a small track in a funny little car. I went stupidly fast but forgot Clarkson's golden rule. "Slower but accurate (big pause)……will win you the race". Anyway after 5 months of not driving it really hit the spot and got the adrenaline pumping. Dad you may want to reconsider getting me reinsured…..
- comments