I leave for London in two short days. It's actually really more like one. And getting ready for this crazy adventure, that so many before me have trekked, is proving to be more difficult than I would have expected.
I have one giant suitcase. It's nearly 50lbs. It's also a rolly suitcase. I'm well aware (as I have read in many travel books) that rolly suitcases are not the most recommended when one travels to Europe-- seeing as how there aren't as many elevators or escalators and there is plenty of cobblestone. I'm also aware (from said travel books-- and some common sense) that giant suitcases are also not recommended. It's apparently far better to bring two lighter bags. I trust that this is probably true. But the thought of me carrying two bags plus a backpack and a small carry on through the streets of London as I fumble to keep track of everything I need terrifies me. Thus, the giant rolly suitcase. This way I'll hopefully only fumble up and down stairs.
The ideal situation would, of course, be to have much less stuff. But the dollar in its current state, and my perhaps slightly obessive worry of being unprepared, has caused me to pack one giant rolly suitcase-- with more to come. And still, even with my bulging bag (a testament to my overthinking and planning that every situation imaginable will indeed occur to me on this four month trip-- in order to make all items packed completely necessary), I worry that I'm unprepared.
There's something odd about big choices that makes me feel really small. Of course, when I first make the choice, I feel really grown-up and in control. But as the consequence (good or bad) approaches from that choice, I feel exactly like I'm starting high school again. Awkward acne and all. This happened when I decided to go to UPS, and it's happened again as I get ready to go off to London. But if it works out as well as that first big descision to go to UPS, I really have nothing to fear.
Still, I think I may need some convincing.
As you know from my last blog, I scrimped and saved and worked my brain to mush at the worst job on the planet. Okay, okay, I realize (in hindsite) that it was a pretty cushy job as far as crappy work goes, but it just wasn't for me. I'm hoping that this work has me financially prepared. Just enough. Hopefully.
I know I'm going to miss school. I mean, I already miss UPS to death. I envy all my friends who started classes today. But I don't think they'll really see my side of that argument. Understandably. Yet, I know I'm going to miss a lot. Things are going to change. Some of my friends and profs and classes and campus will change. And some won't. And I'm wondering what it will be like to come back. But I know going to UPS, though I will miss it, is what's giving me this once-in-a-lifetime chance. I'm grateful for that.
Then, there's my family. I'm going to miss them more than I would ever admit to their faces (because it would make my mommy get all teary). But it's all thanks to my parents that I get to have any of this. I'm so lucky and so grateful that they are mine! My dad is the smartest guy I know, and my mom is the most compassionate woman. I'll miss them so, so much! I love them!! They taught me a lot. I know that without all they taught me, I wouldn't even take the chance to strike out on my own for awhile. Thanks for them for helping me, and teaching me how, to take the big steps. Oh yeah, and for paying the tuition :)
With all that I've learned, and all that's led me to this point, I'm glad I've got that giant rolly suitcase. Maybe I'm even more prepared than I thought.
I'm excited to make new friends and acquaitances. I'm thrilled to take this next step. I'm ready to realize and live every moment! And I can't wait to see what it is I bring back in the, hopefully-by-then bulgy and over-weight, giant rolly suicase.