DON'T NEED TO READ THIS. IS VERY BORING AND CRINGE and is more a note to myself but I didn't have any paper.

Right, I've had a revelation. It's a bit late, but I've got there eventually.

First and foremost - I must stop listening to Lana Del Rey - Videogames on repeat. It is a great song but makes me feel like genuine crap every time I listen to it and that's not fun when I'm at home let alone in a foreign country where I don't speak the language and don't really know anyone.

Secondly - stop being such a slob (great word). All I do here is eat, sleep and occasionally go out. It is not necessary to have 13 hours sleep a day. And as a result of this great routine, I am becoming fat, friendless and fugly (some of these qualities have always been present but I am determined to turn that around!). Instead I am going to become smart, sexy and ....stupendous?? In order to do this, I need to grow the freak up and stop acting like a 17 year old moron and make the most of this opportunity (living abroad). Even though i don't technically have to go to my classes and my exam results don't count for anything, I am going to go anyway. What else would I be doing instead? Sleeping/eating/complaining most likely. At the end of the day, if I don't make life-long chums, I want to leave here being able to speak Italian well which as a result will gain me friends as I will actually be able to have a proper conversation with the lovely people in my block rather than them trying to speak to me and I respond with one word answers, giggle like a fool and then pretend I have to do something and run away. That's another thing, I need to stop being sooo bloody shy! Everyone here is trying to make friends and doesn't mind helping if I say something wrong. Better I try, fail, get corrected and learn from it than never try and therefore don't improve.

Thirdly - start reading and running again. I miss running and just because no one else does it in the streets of the ghetto here, I need to stop caring what other people think. They'll think differently when I become FAF, haaa. Obvs can't go after 6pm though - be safe not stupid lesson...5?
And reading! I'm in Italy and have absolutely no idea what's going on here. That makes me both self-absorbed and ignorant and people here automatically assume the latter when they realize I'm English - gt 2 break social norms, so edgey. Haa. Alssso, even if I'm just rambling about s***, I will always have something to say so there can be no small chat or awkward silences so I will no longer fear being alone with strangers.

I've lost count now but the final revelation is to start being independent and start taking responsibility for myself. I realised today that I have been here for 2 weeks and I don't know my way to the supermarket, 5 minutes away by myself. I've relied on other people to get me to and from places from the moment I got to Milan. I went somewhere on my own for the first time today and got severely lost. I ended up on a duel carriageway. I like to think I'm independent as hell but that is definitely not true. I will rarely ask for someone's help (someone I know, not strangers I ask them for everything) but subconsciously become reliant on people so I need to stop and "be a leeeeader not a follower". also being more responsible. Don't really know how to go about that one yet but it is essential. Stop being a moron? Start being sensible - haa, clearly just a synonym for responsible. No, I especially recently have been selfish and done things I am not proud of and I need to learn to have more respect for other people and stop being inconsiderate. Ok, that's not only recently, I've always been like that. - main thing to change fo sho.

By the time I get back I'm going to be well sofist and have bare chat. Ha!