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Journey of an Unknown Soul
My Second Pilgrimage to Poland
"In the designs of Providence, there are no mere coincidences." - Pope John Paul II the Great
"Human life should be governed by truth, freedom, justice and love." - PJP II
________________________
Thoughts:
- My relationships with others don't define me
We departed for Poland on Thursday evening. I was excited to be visiting this place again, but really had no expectations for what God "should" do in/around me, while there. We rode the bus all night and arrived at 6AM. During the night I journaled frequently, writing poems inspired by a movie about Pope John Paul II called WITNESS TO HOPE. I found myself praying with desperate urgency about matters of the heart and placed myself at the feet of our Lady.
The next day I awoke to find myself in Krakow, Poland. We met Cardinal _______, Pope John Paul II's dear friend. We met him at the Archbishop's residence in Krakow, which is where PJPII used to reside. We had not planned on meeting the Cardinal and it was a miracle that it worked out. When we arrived, about 70 of us were singing/praying a Rosary kneeling around a life size crucifix. He said that he knew we were in the spirit of PJPII because many times, he and others had gathered around that cross and praying together. Upon seeing Cardinal, I was seized with an inexpressible love for him that I knew was not my own and I wanted to give him the purest glance of love. I gazed at him with such admiration from the depths of my heart that I knew it was thru the Holy Spirit, by the intercession of JPII. Once Cardinal looked into my heart, he gazed into my eyes 4 times more. When the group gathered to take a picture, I prayed that if the Lord desired for me to show this man love - to provide an opportunity. I made my way to Cardinal and embraced him with such a childlike embrace. He looked at me and we smiled. I kneeled at his feet during the picture and he placed his hand on my head. It was such a blessing. When he was leaving we began to sing a song that would become our weekend song,
"I love you Lord, and I lift my voice to worship you. O my soul, delights - take joy my King, in what you hear, let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear..."
After separating from the Sweet Cardinal, we headed out to the Market square. I shopped around an open market for a bit, buying things for family members - but I desired to spend some time in prayer. I headed over to a Church given to Our Lady. I had been to this Church in my previous visit to Krakow, but had only been allowed a couple of minutes in there. There were so many people in there continually praying, I was amazed. How the Polish people have such beautiful faith! And I found myself before a huge cross with the crucified Christ on it. And below him was a painting of our Sorrowful Mother. Together, I meditated and drew close to Jesus.
Before I left for the pilgrimage, I felt our Lord say this weekend, "I will show you my Mercy." And before His Cross and by His grace, I entered into some of the most powerful contemplative prayer that I have ever had. This mystical experience drew me closer to my suffering Christ and helped me long to suffer with Him. How He burns with love for us.
"If they will not believe in my mercy because of words, will they not believe in my mercy because of my wounds?" - Jesus, to St. Faustina
JEZU UFAM TOBIE
Jesus, I trust in you.
Then we moved to the DIVINE MERCY Shrine/Basilica/Chapel. I was very excited to go here because my conversion to Jesus was confirmed three years ago at a Divine Mercy conference in San Francisco, and ever since then I have been partial too it. It began to rain heavily as Sister Theresa took us to the Chapel. We prayed before the image and I felt prompted to depart. I left to go pray and as I was leaving I started reading some informational postings in the lobby about St. Faustina and Divine Mercy. Maria Pergia approached me and began to share with me, the beginnings of her Poland experience. The Lord gave me a word for her and she began to weep beautifully. The Lord would do so much in Maria's heart this weekend.
I was walking around and planning to go to the main Basilica but noticed a semi-outdoor Chapel. I walked over to it, and between me and three dozen yellow roses, an incredible image of the Divine Mercy Jesus, the Tabernacle, an icon of Mary and many pictures of miracles because of Divine Mercy - was a glass wall. This struck me and I began to speak to Jesus from the depths of my soul, "Jesus, I come before You again and I long to put all of my trust in Your mercy. But I often feel like there is this glass wall between us...just like now. I desire to let the walls fall down so that I may trust in you..." Jesus and I shared an intimate conversation there, and He answered many of the questions I have been asking for a time now. He held me in His arms and reassured me that all would be okay. I was possessed by Him, my love, my Jesus.
Later in the afternoon we celebrated Mass and after Mass I found myself praying in the Chapel below the Basilica. I was kneeling and suddenly it felt as though someone was holding my hand. I was so deep in thought and prayer I could not open my eyes...but I knew that physically, there was no one there. The Holy Spirit seized me and I knew that St. Faustina was holding my hand.
Great book: "Divine Mercy in my soul, The Diary of St. Faustina"
"Hope always wins." - Pope John Paul II
The next day we would travel to Auschwitz. This would be the rudest awakening of my life, the greatest call to Sanctity and the most desperate cry for love that the modern world has ever placed before me...I was horrified, moved and made alive to the reality of the COUNTLESS, innumerable loss of the Holocaust. Truly this Hell on earth was a passion for millions of souls...and in the midst of merely beginning to hear of the sorrow of the Holocaust, I was moved by the Saints of these times. Many people sacrificed all for their faith, not only that, some were a light and a hope in the midst of darkness. Shinning forth...one sister we saw a picture of was imprisoned and even in her picture, she never stopped smiling. She was known to always be smiling...in the middle of a concentration camp. She always took care of the sick and the dieing...in a concentration camp. She was Christ to others, in the way of the Beatitudes. Sister Cecilia Maria, pray for us.
Praying outside St. Maximilian Kolbe's starvation cell was incredible. I had heard about him a few years ago; his incredible devotion and consecration to Mary, his missionary work in China, India and Japan - and was drawn to him because of these things. But I had never truly entered into a relationship with this Saint. While doing missions in Japan, he was called back to Europe. This had greatly disturbed him because he truly felt called to die a martyr, and it took much prayer for him to accept God's will in this area of his life. Upon his returning he had several publications out, and in 1941 was arrested and taken to Auschwitz along with thousands of other Catholics, during the next 4 years. To be a Catholic priest or nun in the Holocaust, was a half step up from being a Jew or a Gypsy. To be a Religious entailed the same sort of "special treatment". However, Maximilian Kolbe was known throughout Auschwitz. All of the prisoners knew who he was, and it was said that he brought hope in darkness... "He was a light in our hell...," a fellow prisoner said. One afternoon a prisoner escaped, so the SS was rounding up 10 men to kill on spot for this other man's escape. They grabbed one man, "No! I have a family, please no!" He begged. A slender middle aged man moved forward and began to intervene. The fact that this man wasn't shot on sight was a miracle in itself; the specific SS solider dealing with the situation was known to be especially cruel. Not only did he not shoot him, but he asked him what he wanted and began to have conversation with him. "Take me, I will go."
"Who would you like to replace?" The SS soldier replied. This was incredible, this sort of question must have come from infinite graces.
"The man with the family..." St. Maximilian Kolbe replied and it was done.
They took him to cell block eleven where he would spend the remainder of his life. During his time in the dark underground starvation and death cells, he was heard constantly singing songs of praise and praying. He continually heard confessions and it was known that he was preparing all those around them for their death. Upon his arrival the guard's were especially cruel, but within days they refused to go near him, they said, "Those eyes! Never have we seen one go like this before." Kolbe loved them. He truly loved them. He looked at them with the burning admiration of Christ, and this they could not handle.
In these cells they attempted to poison him, but the poisons would not work. When they would throw food in the cells, the people would attack it like wild animals. Kolbe would remain in the corner praying. He need not eat, just pray. Finally they injected him with a termination solution that ended his life. While his death brought pain and sorrow to many of the prisoners who had seen him as a hope, it only strengthened the heavens in prayers for the sanctification and love of all the people involved in time and eternity.
"Never have we seen one die like this..." - An SS soldier about St. Maximilian Kolbe
"Love is at the center of all created things." - St. Maximilian Kolbe
It was incredible to begin to understand that John Paul II nearly brought down the iron curtain...His incredible prayer, work for the dignity of the human person and will for love changed the world. Few realize his incredible work for the Jewish peoples, his under ground seminary work, being on the Nazi Blacklist, founding role in the "Solidarity" movement of Poland and continual striving for the Dignity of Human Life, in all forms.
Pope John Paul II was a man that was extremely affected by the Holocaust. Most of his dearest friends were Jews and as he watched them shot in the streets, disappear and so often mistreated by "Christians". Theses experiences would form him in such a way that his pontificate would be molded around loving one another, in fullness and truth.
Not only this, John Paul II was an ordinary man - of extraordinary thought, work, and love. He drew his strength from praying to the Holy Spirit, which his father encouraged him to pray to everyday. One time as a little boy, Karol's father noticed that he was a distracted altar boy. After Mass he approached him, "Karol, you are a bad altar boy. You know why? Because you don't pray to the Holy Spirit. You must pray to the Holy Spirit everyday."
John Paul's mother died when he was still a young boy, this would change his life forever. Not long after this, Karol's father took him to a pilgrimage sight and said, "Karol, your mother has passed. This is your new mother." This was the first time Karol would say, "Totus Tuus" (Totally yours), the instrumental core of his spirituality (to Jesus, thru the hands of Our Mother).
Not long after this Karol's only brother would die, leaving only him and his father. After the death of his mother, his father, an already religious man - would become even more prayerful. Karol would wake up in the night to find his father on his knees, next to his bed praying. These moments would shape Karol's life, forever.
John Paul II's life is an incredible story, that often seems more that of a hero than of a real man. His continual perseverance in trial, movements by the Spirit and conversion have called me on in radical ways to evaluate my own life, and the plans that God has for me. I have begun to beg that I may not put His plans in some sort of semi-conventional box and decide 'what I am meant to do', but instead follow the Spirit in all things...allowing the King of Glory to lead me. And thru His guidance and mercy, may the light of His love shine forth in me, changing all those I come in contact with. If by my life others may know the True Love of Jesus...our Lord.
Even more Providential, on the one year anniversary of Pope John Paul II's death, we had Mass before Our Lady of Cheztowova. She is my second favorite image of Mary, and I found myself swooned by her beauty. It was a great blessing, that only a few feet away from this image of our Lady, my music group led worship during the Mass. God has provided us with so many in-exchangable experiences this semester.
"Nothing is small to God - once you give him something, it is made infinite." - Blessed Mother Teresa
Later, in some spare time, I desired to pray. I ran back to the Church, to find at least a thousand Poles praising in all areas. I saw an altar with an image of St. Maximilian Kolbe, and knelt before it asking him to intercede for me to spend my prayer time as Jesus would wish. Moments later, I found my way to the Sacred Heart chapel. There was a larger then life statue of Jesus with his burning heart of love. His face was a face that I familiar with, and I have even felt myself make that face in prayer before. This was the was an incredible experience to recognize being Christ like, without someone external having to tell me. I began to pray, and as I talked to the Sacred Heart, this did not satisfy. Realizing through the Spirit that I was sharing with the King of Glory, my heart began to be raised to the heavens as Jesus and I had an intimate sharing. Instead of a conversation of me talking to him or with him, there was a union of our hearts. And leaving this chapel, I found myself burning with love for my brothers and sisters around me.
"Charity is a virtue uniting us with God." - St. Augustine
"Silence because there are no words strong enough..." - PJP II
All of these came to close as we drove home...the scenery was beautiful, especially the dust in the Czek-Republic. I couldn't help but write poetry giving all glory to God, as He again amazed me with His generosity and goodness...
Sunset in the Chek-Republic
Sunlight and empty rains
Burn bright on setting bows
Rolling hills as music plays
And a burning heart of love
Unquestionable timeless beauty
Placid ponds of crystal waters
Village homes as the night begins to shed her brow
A lamp's bloom and families gather
Trees move like willows to and fro
Endless plains of land
My heart cries in this desperate hope
That they will be a holy people of the breaking bread...
"Love, your bond has such strength that it is able to bind even God and unite Him to our souls." - St. Laurence
St. Edith Stein, pray for us.
St. Maximilian Kolbe, pray for us.
St. Jozef Sebsatian Pelczar, pray for us.
St. Faustina, pray for us.
Pope John Paul the Great, pray for us.
Jesus, I pray in thanksgiving for the Piety and love of the Polish people. I pray for continual sanctification among them, growth in love and freedom. May many Saints rise among them and may all of us join in the glory of the Resurrection, through love. Jesus, I trust in you. Jesus, I trust in you. Jesus, I trust in you. Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us and guide us...We need you.
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