La cuenta, por favor……

It's been a while, I'm sat here at 8am with a cold, and I'm thinking if I don't start updating my blog soon I will fail to do so at all. So here I am :)

Wednesday we flew from Miami to Cancun and made our way to Isla Mujeres quite late. Not much happened that night apart from a Free drink on arrival, being offered a date to a Salsa bar & getting slightly tipsy within 10minutes.

The next 3 days are a bit of a blur & I might, just might, get some things muddled up. Thursday we wake & head to the beach called Norte beach, this is quite nice & we chill outside a place called Tarzans & soak up the rays. Now the guy who runs Tarzans is about 60 years old & looks like a Mayan Wagner. I'm thinking in his heyday he had women queuing up to stroke his long flowing hair & maybe even play with his puff of chest hair. However he's holding up well & when he offers to take us on a tour of the Island we agree & think what better way could we spend an afternoon then with Mayagner, his 60 year old mate, driving around a 40 year old Range Rover that looks like its about to fall apart! It's an adventurous drive & at every hill (or slightly mound in the road) we think the Range Rovers going to roll over & die, its tires in the air. We make it & take in the sights of Isla Mujeres but kindly refuse a drink with mayagner & his 60 year old friend…I think a 30 year age gap miiiight just be pushing it a bit for me.

Friday we faff about for so long we sack off the idea of hiring bikes, then sack off the idea of hiring a moped, then sack off the idea of doing anything remotely interesting. We head to another part of the beach & go to a run down restaurant overlooking the sea. Farah orders a grouper fish & myself some battered shrimp. Now if I've ever felt like I'm going to get food poisoning it was with this meal. The shrimp tasted plain odd, then after eating a couple I look down to find a fried, dead, flie under my rice. I vom slightly in my mouth & get some grief off Farah because I'm scared to complain for fear of what might happen to my re-cooked dish. Eventually after some prodding from Farah I complain, get a new meal of grouper (lovely) & a round of applause from Farah for being so grown up :)

Nothing else really happens apart from Farah's obsession with getting a crepe and her spending 2 nights considering pulling an Israel guy but pulling out over fears of the size of his manhood (she likes them big ~ and is going to kill me for writing this}.

Saturday is our last day on the Island (for now) so we decide to head out for a snorkeling trip. I get slightly concerned when the guy hands me a life jacket to snorkel in (apparently this is some kind of snorkeling law out here) & expects me to put this on like some sort of waist bib. Now I've worked with life jackets a lot & I have never in my life seen one being put on like this. I go along with it anyway as I think he's already sick of Farah's demands for a proper one, then a bigger one, then a smaller one…then then then….oh she's been chucked overboard.

I'm not gonna lie, I've seen better snorkeling & as we were 2mins from getting pneumonia, we go back on the boat a bit early to try & heat ourselves up. We stayed on the boat at the next snorkeling spot & basically sacked off the rest of the trip in favour of getting a tan. Well we are girls ;)

What amuses me about this when I look back is the moment Farah announced she was on the verge of wetting herself, couldn't make herself pee in the sea (stage fright or something) & then proceeded to ask the boat captain, man, person, if he had an empty bottle she could pee in. Now we're on a tiny boat, big enough for about 8 of us…its paints falling off & all over me (causing me some OCD freak out as it reminds me of tipex or glitter you just can't get rid of ~ I actually started hyperventilating then thinking about it arghhh} & Farah decides the only sensible, sane thing to do in this situation is to put her bum over the edge of the boat and have a Wizz. Yes, yes, you heard me right….Farah actually, in the middle of the sea, while boats are going past, puts her arse over the side of this little boat & pulls her bottoms aside & pees. Not only into the sea, but all over the side of this poor mans boat… by this point I'm going from absolute horror, shame, then to complete hysterics. I have no idea if the owner of the boat saw as I had my head buried in my hands, but if that was my boat & someone pee'd all down the side of it I think I'd have to have words. Don't you?

Before I carry on, at this point I have to say how impressed I am with myself (polishes lapel with knuckles), I have actually eaten fish on this trip! Get me, dagnamit! Now those close to me know I don't 'do' fish, but here I have had Grouper twice, tried Tilapia & this Saturday afternoon even ate, & enjoyed, BBQ'd Mackerel! It's a chuffing miracle! Now all I need to do is stop the burgers & booze & I might actually not become a complete heffer in the next 6 months :)

Saturday evening we head off for Tulum to get some culture (a few ruins). Ahead of time we book this amazing looking place on the beach (it says the only one ON the beach ~ what lies, LIES!!!) & get incredibly excited to have our own room and our own bathroom ensuite. We arrive to a beautiful reception & start jigging with excitement. As the man takes us to our room we realise we are in fact staying in a wooden hut with gaps everywhere (for the pervs out there), no light & with literally just a bed and small table in. We look at each other confused & concerned as this was also a free upgrade & we're thinking now if this is the upgrade what the hell were we booked into before! We move to another cabin with a light bulb & head to the restraurant to sort some stuff online & get some food….maybe a hint of things to come but the wifi is crap, the food is chewy & when we get back to our cabin we see many many holes in our mosquito net. Now, Im not a complainer but Farah loves it so off we go again & have a moan to the guy behind the counter, he eventually gives in (I think he knew it was the only way he's get rid of Farah) & we end up in a Cabin literally on the edge of a cliff looking over the beach. Now this is nice but again, anyone can see into our hut through the huge gaps, there are still holes we find in the net, & by now its feeling about -1degrees.

We literally cover our bodies head to toe for fear of mosquitos. Farah looks like someone with a Burka on, only her eyes shining in the darkness. I have pretty much all my clothes on & we're covered in blankets. It's a dire situation to be dirty, freezing & laying together with our sheets over our heads, just mounds in the bed, shivering…. when we dreamed of a bath, cleanliness & four walls actually covered in cement.

In the morning I awake to find a mosquito has kindly bitten the only part of me not covered in material, my cheek. The swine! But things are looking brighter in the daylight & actually (actually) this place is pretty nice (apart from the food, crap wifi & freezing night time conditions). After an equally crap breakfast we make our way to the ruins which overlook the beach. We have a wander about, which is hindered slightly by the intense heat, & I take some pictures & read a little about the history surrounding the ruins (Don't ask me anything though, mind like a sieve me). You can see the pictures on FB so I wont bore you with the details as this posts going on long enough, but the beach was AMAZING!!! Clear water, white sand…..bliss bliss bliss!

Now its time to head to Playa Del Carmen so I'm going to keep this brief & do some bullet points.

·Poor mans Mint Mocha Frappa ~ binned in 2 seconds

·Playa Rio Hostel ~ Class

·Suctioning our mozzie bites & getting strange looks like we're junkies or something

·Chichen Itza ~ nice ruins

·Valladolid ~ got told off for being 15mins late back to the tour bus, think the guide actually hates us

·Cenote ~ jumped in off the high edge only after a 12 year old girl done it. I can't be beaten by a kid!

·Finally getting brown feet. YAY me! (this is an essential part of holiday good times for me, yes im weird)

·Ladies get free drinks along the bar strip & at Hostel ~ bonus.

·When buying a shot, after completing said shot, the shot girl shook my head and then grabbed and shook my boobs. So I had another (of course).

·Some 22 year old Spanish kid offering me & Farah a threesome then proceeding to undo his flies to show us his manhood. Rather then point & laugh we kindly walked away before embarrassing the poor lad.

And that kids, brings me to today. More has happened, me & Farah have laughed a hell of a lot (apart from when she lost her wallet… bad times) but I can't remember every detail so you'll just have to pretend I've told you & pretend you found this post amazingly funny. Yes:)

Farah has just left the building for good so I'm sat here alone contemplating the next 6 months of my journey & wondering what it will bring. For the first time in my life I'm away from home & actually missing it, my friends & my mum after even such a short time……I don't miss the snow though….or the cold…..or the tubes…..or the snow, or the cold, or the snow :)x