21st October 2010

So yeah.... i mentioned the cockroach before. Weellll.... Tuesday Morning at about 1am I got up to use the bathroom. Half asleep I pushed upon the door and went to sit down on the loo. Luckily....before I sat I noticed the biggest grossest bug I have ever seen in my life crawling around the toilet seat- it was a frickin cockroach. I panicked, screamed, took a picture (had to make sure you guys get in on the action!) then ran away to get Rich. I had never seen a cockroach before. I had known that I was likely to in China but my first encounter was quite heart stopping. If I had been alone I am not sure what I would have done! Rich was a little freaked but managed to crush the b******... but then there was panic. We had heard rumours that when a cockroach is killed it lays tons of eggs so poor Rich spent ages wiping the the bathroom floor with wet wipes whilst I ran around yelling 'ewwwwwwww'. As you can imagine I did not sleep well that night! Cockroach update- we have been cockroach free for 2 days, long may the peace continue!

Tuesday morning we met Eric, our other boss. He is Chinese but speaks perfect english. He helped us to register at the police station as if you visit China and don't stay in a hotel you have to let the police know where you are living. Eric was super nice and a very useful translator. He did however drag us around Guiyang trying to find the cheapest place to get some passport pictures done for us. He was trying to be nice but we were tired and the first price of 45 RMB (£4.50) seemed reasonable to us. Eric finally settled on a place that did them for 25RMB (£2.50). Rich and I were in for a bit of a shock though as we settled down to watch our pictures print. Rather than just print them as they usually do, the lady in the photo shop made the most of her photoshopping software.... yup- we were airbrushed- how ruuuude! Once our ego's had been destroyed Eric took us out to dinner at a Japanese restaurant where we cooked our own meat at the table. Rich being Rich requested french fries and poor Eric walked all the way to Dico's to get some. Rich felt slightly bad about that lol. Very weird in China that it is absolutely ok to take food from one restaurant and eat it in another- literally no rules here! Even the policemen in the little tents at the corners of the streets are usually asleep when we walk past! Considering back in the west many people think that the chinese people are repressed and have no freedom of speech- the actual opposite is true. Cars freely go through red lights and ignore zebra crossings, you can pee wherever you like and dodgy DVD's can be found in every other shop. It's pretty awesome but a little strange as as westerner's we are programmed to do a lot of things by the book and it's somewhat odd being told that it is perfectly ok to not pay your taxes as long as you get some else to open your bank account for you.... whhaaaaaaat! I am always a little on edge here at the moment as health and safety is pretty much non existence here. I guess as their population is so huge they don't particular worry about a dozen people falling into a hole they have dug in the pavement. I still can't get used to the spitting either. It is something that you can't imagine unless you come here. You will be walking along the street and the (usually) man will take a deep breath, clear all the gunge out of his chest, suck it into his mouth and spit it out. They do it so forcefully you hear the spit hitting the ground- it is beyond disgusting! Just glad no-one has done it while I have been eating yet.

Anyway, back on track- after our disastrous attempt to find walmart the previous day we asked Eric how we could find it. On a piece of paper he wrote in Chinese "please take me to walmart" so that we could just give it to a taxi driver. We did just that and found that walmart was pretty far away but by the pretty river. The walmart is underground, huuuuuge and has no air-conditioning. It is constantly busy and there are members of staff everywhere screeching into megaphones trying to get you to buy some kind of animal intestine. Rich and I mainly wanted to buy some furnishings for our apartment and got a little worried as we only had 400RMB (£40) on us and we were buying cushions, towels, bath mats, etc. However we were pleasantly surprised when the total came to 180RMB (£18). Still can't believe how cheap everything is here! A little annoyed though that I ran out of credit on my phone because apparently if you buy a sim card in one area of China (I got mine in Beijing) and you use it in another part of China you are charged for international roaming- cheeky monkeys! But never mind.... a big packet of Mickey Mouse felt tip pens for 53p more than makes up for the phone incident lol.

So, you guys are probably wondering when me and Rich are going to do some work. Well, I have my first official class tomorrow teaching four year olds and then 2 classes on Saturday teaching 6-7 year old beginners. Before the teaching starts we have had to jump over a few obstacles first. The first obstacle was the medical. In order to get a working visa in China you have to pass a medical check....a full medical check. Eric took us to the hospital and we were a little dismayed to see that it was just as filthy as the rest of Guiyang. The foreigners medical check consists of a number of different tests and each of them were equally as entertaining. The first test was a blood test to check for HIV. I haaaate needles but the women was actually quite good except that we noticed that they recycle needles. They were all steralised but again, something we don't see back in the UK. I was then shuttled off to the next room in which an old man sat. He motioned for me to sit and wait whilst he finished his newspaper- all very professional. The old man took my blood pressure, poked my stomach for a few minutes and pointed some laser gun at my head then it was off to the next room. In that room was the ultrasound machine. Two female "doctors" and a little boy were in there. One lady told me to lay down and the other left. I thought that she would obviously take the little boy with her but nope.... my kidney's and I had an audience! lol. In the next room was the ECG machine for which I had to flash my boobs.... luckily to a female doctor. Had no idea what was happening but it all felt a little weird being clamped on a bed. After the ECG I thought I had finished but I was out of luck as the meanest lady doctor ever took me in to get my chest X-rayed. The x-ray was all fine but the bint dropped my bag on the floor and nearly smashed my phone to smitherines and all I got was a dirty look and a few tuts- b****face! Lastly I had an eye test which I reckon I failed miserably, was weighed (lost 4kg in 3 days booooyah... the china diet is awesome!) and then was asked to pee in a cup. My heart sank- I had been told not to drink for 12 hours and because of the heat outside all the liquid in my body had been used up. I had none to spare! Not being able to pee when you are told you have to is one of the most frustrating things in the world. After about 15 minutes I gave up and confided in Rich, who then confided in Eric who then told the whole frickin hospital. I had all the doctors watching and giggling as they made me down cups of water and skip along the corridor. I eventually managed to give them the most pathetic cup of pee they have probably ever seen in their lives and I am pretty sure I will be getting a call to say that my urine sample was insufficient- the things we do for a visa hey?!

The next obstacle was getting through some class observations without running home screaming. The first class we watched were 6-7 years old but pretty advanced. We were shocked as they were actually pretty disrespectful and some may has well have not shown up. The guy teaching was only covering some-one else's lesson though so the class may have been unsettled at having a different teacher (plus two weirdo's sitting at he back!). Next we observed a guy called Neil attempting to teach some 4 year olds and they were absolutely mental! We walked in to 14 4 year olds running around the classroom screaming. Neil attempted to get them singing 'Old Macdonald" but for the most part failed as the little darling's attentions spans were approximately 5 seconds. We mainly observed Neil getting beaten up, one boy running face first into the full length window and another little boy practicing his karate the whole lesson. The class did scare me but they were beyond cute. They get to choose their own english names and some of our faves were 'Disney' and 'Lorry'- bless! I apparently get to help my kids tomorrow pick their english names- poor little blighters. One thing that has to be considered with the kids is that they are worked soooo hard. They go to school between 8 and 9, have a 2 hour lunch break between 12 and 2 (but the poorer kids seem to have to work for their parents during this time) then go back to school until 5. They then go home to change and head to language school (us!). So, by the time they get to us we should probably accept that they will not be willing to do too much work. The 4 year olds especially should probably be in bed at 8pm- not running around a classroom. So, all the prep is now over. I am sitting in bed trying to not stress about my lesson tomorrow. I mainly want to get out alive but as my kids have never been to the school before I would really like to get to know them and see how much they progress over the year.

Not much more to write about right now- except that we are clearly famous and don't know about it! The staring from the locals has not yet died down. We are less concerned by it now and we have discovered that if I wear sunglasses people stare less, so we should be fine. Never imagined what it would be like for a whole street to stop and stare at you but it's bloody freaky- no other way to describe it. Quick update on the food situation- still not a fan but am finding things that will keep me alive. There is a little bakery that should keep me going but may make my teeth fall out as even their sandwiches are laced with sugar. Milk is gross here too- felt like I was a little deprived of calcium so bought some milk but apparently condensed milk is the milk of choice in these parts -huuufff. Had some yummy food in a chinese restaurant with fellow teachers Dave and Jack but the problem for me and Rich if we were to go on our own is that we don't read chinese, speak chinese or understand spoken chinese so we are limited to places that have picture menu's which are 9 times out of 10 the dodgy, reminds you of a dirty kebab shop type places. I am sure as time will go on we will pick up the language and actually be able to order some kick-ass chinese food.

On that note maybe I should spend less time blogging and more time learning mandarin...... hhhmmmmm lol.

Byyyeeee

xkx