hello, I'm sorry iv been pretty rubbish on the email front, the Internet is so slow and i find it quite frustrating! i have just spent 45mins getting on to this site and now i don't have long to write so will stop talking rubbish! I have so much to say, and its so hard to condense it down, this last week has been a roller coast of emotions, but on the whole I'm pretty stable at present! i cant say that I'm getting used to it... I'm not sure that would be right, ...

Hello.... so i thought i would write a quick entry to update you on my emotional status!!! Well good news.... I'm feeling a lot happier! It started of with a fantastic dream of johnny depp and i........ then being given a slab of chocolate by an American lady who felt sorry for me! But the real turning point was receiving some extremely wise advice, giving me the insight to except the unacceptable, the repercussions of that is HOPE which is given this mad world ...

If I were to draw a picture of my brain I would draw a spiders web! My brain feels all tangled and confused, with my thoughts being flies, they can't escape and the more they try the more tangled up they get! They are pretty much doomed and slowly suffocating but they're really just waiting for that spider to show up! It's hard to explain what I mean, I guess because I don't understand what I'm trying to say! I have never been forced to question so much about l...

I just read over my blogs and I hope it wasn't too heavy, I'm sorry if it was. I guess writing is my debrief so didn't quite realise how heavy it got. Okay so to be more cheery, I have to tell you all that despite it all I am very happy. I feel I have found a piece of my soul in Africa and I'm quite at home here. Today was much better at the hospital aswell. I felt worried that the baby I delivered yesterday may have died over night, so I went to the ward to fi...

It was pretty hard to get up this morning, partly because I was totally exhaused, emotionally drained to say the least, and also because I wasn't sure if I could bear another day like yesterday, I'm not sure I'm a strong enough character, and I think I will destroy myself before the small possibility of making any change. I did, however, muster the strength to navigate my way across the country to the hospital. Surely the day can't be worse than yesterday!?!?!...