Profile
Blog
Photos
Videos
The hardest step was admitting it to myself, but im aware now is the time I have to open up to you, my readers, regarding the reasoning behind my evident lack of blogging activity in recent weeks. The painful truth is, I, Alex Neary, am a very ill man indeed. Its an illness that has seized every part of my bronzen phsique, and it is so heart-renchingly painful im worried it may have signalled the end of this sta site as we know it. Ladies and Gentleman - I have writers block. It has been sixteen days since my last blog and whereas before when my similies flowed more swiftly than a Manchester United attack, nowadays they stifle and stick with a clear lack of both wit and imagery. Whereas once my structure was clear, concise and meaningful, at this moment in time im finding it excrutiating to consider writing the next word, let alone sentence or paragraph. My publicists have been extremely understanding - they said it happens to the best of them, infact they even offered to bring out a "Best of Alex's Blogs" edition, which would of been a concuction of my best wittisms and anecdotes so far, however I declined the offer, feeling it would be cheating you, the readers. I feel my remedy is to write - however aimlessly, however far from the point, however obscure - all I can do, no, all we can do, is hope this awful illness subsides at the same staggering pace it once took me over.....................
Last time I left you I believe I was villifying the current state of the Austrailain train service - well, thankfully, the journey in question, that brought through me more hate and anger than I knew possible, ended swiftly enough. Despite all the critisism it arrived promptly at our destination of Melbourne station, which overlooks the stunning array of sporting stadiums the city has to offer. Infact, it soon became clear that Austrailia's second biggest city is also the sporting capital of the country, being the home to more arenas than an Olympic village. Joshua and myself had little doubt therefore that we would utilise the physical entertainment to the max, so after struggling (once again) to find our award-winning YHA Metro hostel, and making ourselves familar with with surroundings we embarked on our sporting adventure......first stop, an Aussie rules "footy"match.
For those that are not familar with it (yep, thats everyone outside the southern hemisphere then) Austrailian Rules Football, or "footy" as it is rather begrudgingly to myself better known, is a game mixed between the rules of football, rugby and American Football, with a few Austrailan idiocracies thrown in. Its fast paced, its frantic, it agressive and, well, its all a bit wierd. The venue of choice that we enjoyed our first "footy" experience, which fortunatly was also the first game of the AFL season, was the incrediably impressive Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG), a ground with the capabilites to hold a phenonomal one-hundred thousand people. Though only fifty-thousand packed into the stadium to watch Melbourne Demons vs St. Kilda Saints do battle (local rivals!!!), it still radiated an impressive atmostphere, with the front tiers awash with flags, banners and, errmm, pom-poms??? As the game kicked off, for the first time in my life, I had the abilty to empathise with a person, sorry, woman, who failed to comprehend the offside-rule, or yelped with joy at a corner kick merely because she saw someone in black raise a flag. Yes, Josh and I, were completely clueless. We considered asking a more well-informed looking fan but held back through fear at the distain at which our questions would be greeted and a hoard of fifty-thousand eyes that might turn, laugh and mock (well, that was my worst case scenario anyway), instead, we watched and hoped that through the next one-hundred and twenty minutes that were to follow we would manage to pick things up. Almost immediatly, it became remarkably apparent why this game is not played in England - it is barbaric, a glorified game of playground Bulldog with a ball, played by the most meaty looking of mulletdubbed meat-heads. If this game was taught in English schools there would be carnage and savagery, infact probable deaths. As I sat in the stands of the MCG, my jaw dropping further and further in disbelief I could only think to myself - "thank god we invented cricket!"..... Nonetheless, thats not to say we didnt enjoy it - some of the fights that broke out were truly riverting, whilst the "tackles" were executed with all the grace of Pete Docherty, the teams mottos clearly being "head high or dont bother". Whilst I wouldnt descibe the game as particlaly skillful, we were treated to some genuine moments of talent, and whilst I probably wont sit through another full game ever in my life, I feel I have definatly been converted to the faith that is footy............
What impressed me more about the AFL experience than anything else was the cost; entry was around twenty dollors (eight quid), and this remember is in a top flight game in a top of the range arena. This led to larger amount of people at the game, therefore a better atmostphere, including families, and a ratio of around 1:1 when it came to men and women. Premiership chairman take note!!! (I love the way I have genuinley written that in the belief that Monsiuers Dein, Gill, Abramovich, Gaydamek, Kenwright, Shepherd etc will a) read this blog b) be at all swayed be my innocent and ultimatly not profitable opinions........idiot Alex!!)
The Rod Laver Arena. Melbourne. Home to the Austrialian Tennis Open in January every year, home to the touring Tom Jones and Gwen Stefani in upcoming months and for the weekend of Josh and myself visit to the city, home to the FINA World Swimming Championships. Before embarking on my our epic world adventure it is easy to admit that watching two hours of swimming (especially for the rather more painful price of a hundred dollors) was not high on the agenda, infact, truth be told, it was not even on the agenda. However, three crucial factors swayed us as we handed over the big bucks that ensured our seat in the top teir of the stadium. Firstly, bouyed by our newly found passion for Aussie Rules Footy we wondered whether experiencing the joys of another sport live would conjure up a love for it. Secondly, it was a chance to go to the court where such tennis greats as Andre Aggasi, Monica Seles (token woman) and the incomparable Roger Federer had all won Grand Slam tennis titles on, which also would now have a self built Olympic sized pool on it, which I found very curious indeed. And, thirdly, if I being completely honest, we wanted to see very attractive women (it was mainly womens finals night) akin to the ones that we had been watching late previous night on the television doing their syncronised swimming. So for the second night in a row we made the long walk from our hostel to the Rod Laver.... which was just a literal stones throw from the MCG. It soon became apparent that the Austrailian do not do swimming by halves (perhaps a reason for their overwhelming success at it) as every race was built up to create epic importance with the help of flames, lasers and a very rowdy partisan crowd. Despite the support it was the Americans that dominated the preceedings the evening of our spectacle and I must admit the fifth time we had to stand for the American anthem my teeth were gritted tighter than my wallet usually is. Also, I don know why we kept celebrating with so much guffour athletes beating world records that they previously held, surely they should of just swam quicker first time - or am I just missing the point??? Either way, it was another exceptional evening of sporting fun, the undenyable highlight of which was the legendary victorious swim for a young Englishman in the 50m backstroke heats. Josh and I clapped and cheered when his hands with first to touch the pools edge.....such a shame he was named Jamie Cocktan......
Now then - the publicists have said I should be taking small steps and not giant leaps to get over my illness, so they have suggested a second volume which I will bring to you tommorrow - apparently its to safeguard my longevity or something?? Either way, for any Neighbours fans out there, this is a simply must read blog. I will reveal or the mysteries and gossip from recent years in Ramsey Street, including - why ever did happen to Joe Scully, which Neighbours cast members earn the most money and, most intrigingly, which actor or actress in the soap.........is gay????
Hows that for a cliff-hanger???
Always a Pleasure xxx
- comments