So I finished reading Harry Potter yesterday. All was well..

Hmmm... Reading Harry Potter, not sure when i started it. But the books have been in my bag for a long time, reading it whenever I got a chance. Being in China, makes me feel extremely lonely. I am away from my family, my friends, my home town. Everything is different here, speaking different languages, eating different kinds of food, living different cultures... Different, so close, yet so far. Hmm, how should i put it... Books is one thing keep me at bay. Yes, I have met some good new people here, but working here all alone is difficult. Without books, I do not know how I could ever survive.

I am blessed.

Yesterday was rough. Waking up early to see my parents, after a long day beforehand, then go all the way to her hometown and got the calls telling me my boss is checking the voice recordings - which is insane. I cannot stop thinking what the hell he wants. What he wants from me. I feel lost, I am confused. I forgot why the firstplace I am here... Oh yes, to train. But one is quitting, no way for her to stay. One is doing too much, trying her best to do everything in the same time, yet she is limited. One is asking for the pay rise, but refuse to work up to my standard or simply improving his work qualities, and cannot stop browsing online for fun, during the working hours - I mean - he expects me to give me more, which he is doing crap?! WTF? One is working so hard, yes, he is getting so skillful, and yet so arrogant, ignoring his mistakes and refuse to correct them. One is working at night and his place is too noisy for him to sleep during the day.

Without Harry, I do not know what else I could do. Should i give up?! I wish to be back to HK, so badly. Yet, HK seems like a strange place to me since I moved here. Where is my strength? Where is my courage? Yes, I am talented, but I am lousy. I am a lousy leader who is lost and confused. What could I do? What should I do... I am so sleepy.

I am so drained.

This morning, I was reminded to be grateful. Being grateful brings Harry a lot of blessings. I am grateful for having Ah-Bao here with me, at work, and in private. Yes we are closed, but we are not lovers, not yet. It doesnt matter now, we will be if we are meant to be. I am grateful that my parents came to visit. I am grateful for having the accesss to this very blog which is allowed in PRC. I am grateful for my boss trusting me and stuffing money in my hand to make sure i am staying. I am grateful that I am not really alone here at work. I am grateful for having a place to live in where I could call it home. I am grateful for the time which allowing me to clean my place and watch Ugly Truth last night. I am grateful for having so many books here which keep me sane. I am grateful for the message popping up in my head this morning.

Grateful for myself sticking with Harry all the way through. Reminding me no matter how blind I am, I am not alone. No matter how dark it make me feel, some light is out there, some help is out there.