TEMPLES,TRAINS AND OPERATION DON'T GET PINEAPPLED

OK so I've managed to lose my itinerary sheet from the tour and we did so much since I last wrote that this is going to be a real challenge to my memory! I keep on making disclaimers about my typing because of bad computers but amazingly they keep getting worse (this one has a couple of seconds delay after everything I type or delete and it's taking forever) I'll have to fix everything up when I get to the UK. It also doesn't have a CD drive so I'll have to find another one to upload the photos which go with all these stories.

The Decrepid tour rolled out of Hoi An with a lot more luggage and a lot less Dong than it rolled in with. A few of the group had to buy extra bags to carry all the stuff they bought. I felt kinda virtuous with the few things I had bought. Our next stop was Hue - which had been the Capital of Vietnam under the rule of various kings. We visited the old Citadel which was amazing - it was modelled on China's forbidden city. Apart from the history and incredibly ornate architecture the entertainment was provided by a group of guys who were taking photos of eachother in the most ridiculous poses, each taking in in turns to wear the comunal hat.

In the evening we had a 'royal banquet' where we were dressed up in silly outfits (I was a concubine) and ate apparently traditional foods (though the veggies got a plate of chips at one stage so I'm not too sure about that!) It was a bit tacky but a bit of fun. The next day was really good - we went on a motorbike tour in the countryside arround Hue. We drove through villages where kids came out and shouted hello and held their hands out for high fives as we went past. Along the way we stopped at places where they made conical hats and insence (or as one of the ladies on the tour said as she videoed it - "here's someone making incest") and had a huge vegitarian feast at a monastry. All in all it was awesome.

Then it was time for our day on the reunification express - 11 hours on a train from Hue to Nihn Bihn was a bit much but the scenery was breathtaking. I'll hold off telling my good train story though because it needs the photo I took to do it justice. After a good night's sleep we set of for the National Park which was very pretty though we didn't have any power or water and the Animal Sanctuary had been closed due to a suspected outbreak of bird flu (so there went my last chance for another monkey tussle) At the National Park we trekked for a couple of hours - which was a bit of a workout - Quan kept lying to everyone and saying we'd reached the top, then we'd roundthe corner to find more steps. Belinda had a bit of a stumble and scraped her elbow - then went around proudly showing everyone her ''nam wound" The good thing about the lack of power or anything else to do was that for the first time we all sat around together and played cards and drank beer - even the oldies and the grumpy couple.

One of the highlights of the whole trip was Halong Bay where we headed next. It's in the running to become one of the 7 wonders of the world and its absolutely amazing. We stayed on a boat flaoting around jutting rocks and visited the most humungous cave full of stalegmites and stalegtites) - again it's hard to describe without the photos (of which I think I took 15 million) We had intentions of making the most of it and having a big night but ended up fast asleep in our cabins by 9.30.

From the peace of Halong bay we headed to the insanity of Hanoi - not quite as full on as Saigon, but not too far off. I really like it here though - it's got a great buzz and how can you dislike a place where they name a bar "Half Man Half Noodle" It's very easy to get lost here though and the only way I manage to navigate myself around is by the brightly coloured shiny ball gowns that seem to be displayed on most street corners (turn right at the fluro pink number then left at the lime green one) One big hazard here is the danget of getting pineappled. If you're not careful one of the enterprising street sellers will come up behind you, put their pole pineapple carrying thing on your shoulder, their hat on your head and try tomake you take a photo and then charge you for it. On one walk Tonia had three pineapple attempts made on her - we had to watch eachothers backs ("watch out - incoming pineapple")

One of the strangest experiences here has been the Ho Chi Min Mausoleum. We went in, lined up for about half an hour and as we approached the building there were soldiers shushing anyone who made a noise and even gesturing people to unfold their arms. We were then solemnly hurded in 2 lines past his embalmed body. Now I hadn't really payed attention about what we were doing that day so the sight of a very alive looking corpse freaked the hell out of me. It's really creepy - he's all lit up and just looks asleep. The worst thing is that we wre told he actually wished to be cremated and his ashes scattered acrossed the unified country that he loved but the government decided to embalm him an put him on display so instead he's like this morbid tourist attraction with thousands of people queuing to look at him each day.

The rest of our time here we wandered the streets of the old quarter and found a good place to eat and a regualr haunt for drinks, Maos Red Lounge (complete with more bearded American hippies - they get everywhere!)

I took a day trip with some of the others to a little village called Mai Chau which was lovely. We clambered through rice fields, played with some local kids and met people from the "White Thai" minority who sang and danced - and we got to play a dancing game of 'don't get your ankles squished in bamboo poles" which was hilarious. I think Pauline took video of i but hopefully it'll stay of You Tube.

The others all headed off on Saturday and I moved into the old quarter. That in itself was an adventure - the hotel offered me a free transfer across the city. I was happily waiting in the foyer of the other hotel with my big pack, and 2 hand luggage bags which I was planning on sorting out and repacking when I got here. When my lift turned up. A guy in a full hotel porters uniform on a motorbike! It was one of those 'are you seruious?' moments. But he handed me a helmet - put my pack on the front, me on the back with my other bags and off we zippe. I don't know why I was suprised - it seems nothing here can't be transported by moped. Among the things we've seen are; 2 live pigs tied up upside down, a sofa, a guy on the back holding a massive pane of glass between himself and the driver (that one made me crnge) and the comedy sketch waiting to happen of a load of eggs piled up a foot above the guy driving's head.

I thought I might be lonely after everyone left, but last night when I was grabbing some dinner I got chatting to a really nice girl from London who had just arrived (and had been pineappled withing 5 minutes of venturing out of her hotel!) and we headed to mao's lounge again and are going to hang out for the next couple of days. I can't believe this is all so nearly over but I can't wait to catch up with people in London and see the family.