So today was the signature Seabourn Beach day.

The majority of the catering team and passengers are transferred from the ship to a beach where the passengers spend all day, sunbathing, eating, drinking and using the complimentary water sports facilities. Around midday much commotion as the one of the Seabourn rigid inflatables cruises parallel to the beach sounding a loud horn to announce the arrival of caviar and champagne to be served to the passengers in the surf.

It is perhaps worth describing the scene, the beach was very flat and to get to swimming depth you needed to wade out between approximately 400 metres. This meant that the Seabourn delivery of Caviar and Champagne could only be served some way out from the beach. The waiters place the Champagne and Caviar on a wide surfboard and serve the passengers whilst standing waist deep in water. Picture some 200 passengers wading as one towards the Caviar and Champagne, remember some of these passengers were not too steady on their feet (alcohol and infirmity is a deadly combination). A member of the crew was heard to remark that the movement of the passengers resembled that of Zombies from the film the Walking Dead J

The food served Seabourn style on the beach was up to its usual standard and accompanied by more alcohol. This is relevant as we think it was probable the alcohol that gave Sue the courage to mount the Seabourn Banana boat for the genteel tour round the bay, circling the Seabourn Pride before returning to the beach. Sue made it very clear she did not want to get her hair wet. This trip on the banana boat had to be similar to a previous Seabourn Banana experience where apart from some splashes on the legs no further damage was done.

The intrepid banana boat riders were John D, Jan, Sue and I.

I was placed in the front of the banana boat, the reasoning being that my greater bulk would shield Sue from the worst of the splashes. Of course what Sue was unaware of was the fact that the lead rider could signal to the towing boat to go slower or faster J

The gentle outward journey lulled all into a false sense of security, some deft hand signals supported by the discrete greasing of palms mean that the inbound journey suddenly became the banana boat ride to end all rides. Flashing across the wake of the towing boat banana tipped flinging us all into the sea. Shock, turned to laughter and almost immediately recriminations, who was to blame ?

Meanwhile the Seabourn lifeboat circled as we made the first of our attempts to remount the banana. Our first challenge was to right the upturned banana, John and I eventually managed to do this. Ignoring the cries of the towing crew for passengers to re board from both sides of the banana three of the team succeeded after much pushing and shoving to get back on board. Mrs Wood complained I had sexually assaulted her as she climbed back on board, I can however confirm to readers it was merely the palm of my hand providing much needed lift to assist Mrs Wood in her remounting efforts. Only one left to climb on to the banana, I grabbed two of the handles on the banana and proceeded to pull myself up. Nearly there and the banana decided that it could not possibly remain in an upright position whilst 17 stones of a well fed cruiser attempted to remount. Pivoting along its length the banana promptly deposited all of its riders back in the sea. Mrs Wood was not pleased and of course this time blame was easily apportioned, however, I still contend it was a freak wave that caused this second capsize.

Meanwhile the towing crew had enough and one of them dived in to help us remount, he stayed on one side of the banana to act as a counterweight and at the same time also leant a helping hand to pull all on board. Without wishing to repeat the story suffice to say we all ended up back in the water again, by now Mrs Wood was beginning to lose the will to live and as for her hair……….

Finally all on board we took a more sedate ride back to the beach, however the story doesn't end here. An unheard of second freak wave hit the front of the banana pitching me into the sea much to the delight of Mrs Wood who remained firmly anchored to the banana boat seat. After much debate it was agreed that further attempts to remount the banana created the real risk of a major bad hair day so it was agreed I would be towed in holding onto one of the banana boat handles. I guess you could call it powered body surfing. By now the towing team were a bit fed up and anxious to return to the beach as they had deadlines to meet and needed to pack up. Disaster, in their haste to get back to the beach they had allowed the prop to become fouled by the tow line. Once more one of the towing team had to get into the water, he was not pleased, there was definitely some non Seabourn language spoken!

Eventually we were on our way and I was power body surfing towards the beach, unfortunately because the hand hold was high up and I could only hold on with one hand, this meant I was body surfing on my side. This had the effect of powering high speed jets of water into my ear facing the water. The problem was solved by rapidly changing hands to give each ear a share of the high speed jets of water. Although painful and not the most elegant display of power body surfing ever given the upside is that earwax shouldn't be a problem for a while.

Despite this incident we had a great time on the beach - a good day although you should ask Mrs Wood for a second opinion.

Enjoy the ice,

Dave and the crew……… Sue, Jan, Bridget, John and John