As I mentioned ages ago, I joined a gym. In classic China style, the gym has not only become a place for exercise, but also a consistent source of entertainment and surprises. Here are a few highlights:

1) The first time I went to the gym was to a class called "Body Pump". The description on the timetable made it sound kind of like Zumba. I had visions of a high-intensity aerobic dance workout along to a playlist of recent hits. I couldn't have been more wrong. I turned up and not only was I the only Westerner (no biggie, was expecting this) but I was also the only person under 50. Not a good start. All the ladies were wearing ridiculous clothes and all carrying a plastic stick. I picked up a stick and waited apprehensively for the class to start. When the music began and it was Backstreet Boys "As long as you love me", I knew I had to escape. I started edging my way out of the room, but just as I started to move, the army of old ladies started flinging their plastic sticks around! I managed to duck and dive, making it out with losing an eye, thank god.

I went for a run on the treadmill instead.

2) Even treadmill behaviour is interesting here, mainly because EVERYONE HERE RUNS SO SLOWLY. Like, really slowly. I'm not that fit at the moment, certainly not as fit as I was in my pre-university, British Military Fitness days. Therefore, I've been doing rather pathetic runs of 5-10km at about 10/11km an hour in order to slowly regain my fitness. In the UK, I'd be embarrassed by this, but in China I feel like a frikkin Olympian because no one else actually runs. Seriously. They come to the gym to speed walk, and watch the TV. Occasionally, a fit-looking young lad will attempt to show off by sprinting for a while, but within two minutes they always give up and return to their 5km/hr stroll. Better yet, the other day the young woman on the treadmill next to me spent around 10 minutes of her 20-minute slow walk taking selfies with her camera phone. WHILE ON A TREADMILL. Just why? Why?!

3) Spinning. The first time I went to the spinning class, I arrived a bit late and there was only one bike left, right at the back. Turns out it had been left for a reason - the resistance seemed to be working on one side of the bike but not the other. I put up with it for a while, but then it started getting really uncomfortable - plus I was beginning to imagine myself all lopsided, with one massively hench thigh and one weak one haha. I decided to give up and snuck out. Not easily defeated, I went back the next day to try the class again. This time my bike worked fine, and I was pleased to find the class was relatively normal, with no odd surprises. The soundtrack was a mess though. Heavy metal one minute, Ke$ha the next, lots of terrible Chinese pop music, and then this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByNd-8lnMc4 hahaha. Seriously, watch it, and meanwhile imagine a group of Chinese people earnestly and ferociously spinning to this song without having ANY IDEA how weird the lyrics are. It was so hard not to burst out laughing, especially when the spinning instructor kept randomly shouting 'FEEL GOOOOOD!' in English at inappropriate moments. I haven't been back to spinning in a while because they use the same playlist every time, and although the Tarzan and Jane song was hilarious at first, the novelty really does wear off after a while.

4) Fit Dbs. No, that's not a typo, that's just what the class is called. I went along purely to find out what is was. Turns out it's just a class that focuses on body toning through exercises like squats etc. Nothing inherently weird about this class, although there was a woman wearing a denim skirt and heels who came in, got a matt and just lay at the back of classroom, dozing and occasionally talking on the phone…bizarre. Better yet, mid-way through the class, a really fat, old, topless Chinese man smoking a fag just walked in one side of the classroom and out the other side for no particular reason, burping loudly mid way through. I almost wet myself laughing but no one else seemed to think this was funny.

5) Zumba! Again, this really wasn't Zumba. It was just lots of middle aged women walking on the spot to terrible music. Again, I snuck out after 5 minutes, this time relieved there were no sticks involved.

After a hilarious few weeks of trying out these bizarre classes, I've now settled into a routine of running a few times a week and going to Pilates classes once or twice a week. But who knows, maybe when I'm bored of that I'll go through another adventurous phase. I still have 'BodyAttack', 'Shape', Pole dancing and Chinese Classical dancing to try out after all…!