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Messner On Tour
Merry Christmas one and all!
Me old Bombay,
Me old Bombay
Why are you singing a crudely fabricated version of d*** Van Dyke's exquisitely Cockney accented 'Me old bamboo' from the 1968 Disney film 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'? I hear you cry. It couldn't be because you want to introduce this Bombay based thread with the loosest connection since Rod Hull's (of Emu fame) TV went on the blink, causing him to go atop his roof on that fateful stormy night? I hear you muse. Surely the boy Whittaker wouldn't stoop that low?! I hear you implore.
The sad answer is yes it is true - and in one of the most long winded introductions ever recorded I am indeed in Bombay.
Since my last note everything has been lovely and normal at this end starting with a camel safari in the desert. After sat on the mangey beast for about 4 minutes I soon regretted booking 2 whole days, but after a while the Lawrence of Arabia cap began to fit and the bond
with Raj (my camel) was cemented when he turned round and belched in my face with the velocity of Hurricane Peter.
After walking around like John Wayne / The owl who lost his horse (those camels are wide) for a few days - the shoehorn dropped me in Udaipur of James Bond Octop**** fame. There was a brief stop on the way somewhere in the countryside where I had my breakfast of toast and jam stolen by rather unfriendly monkeys. They were all riding a unicycle and juggling though so we will let the little tinkers off this time. The last bit may have been a malaria tablet induced dream. So Udaipur - it is a lovely place of palaces and ...... other stuff, all set around a lake. Nice but the glass eye started to rove so onwards!
Then on to Bombay or Mumbai (wasn't he the baddie in Thundercats?) which I was expecting to hate a la Delhi, but in fact to my dismay found myself quite liking the place. No matter how much I liked it though it was the place keeping me from the beach so it was off to Goa. The beach is jolly nice, the food jolly plentiful and the beer jolly wet and I can assure you that I missed the English Xmas hype like a hole in the head. But I did pack a video of Only Fools and Horses just in case. Xmas eve was spent at a rave where the music was terrible and hippies maruded around banging drums. Luckily I was lathered so joined in. Christmas day itself was a bizarre affair involving swimming and eating squid. All lovely and normal.
Anyway I now sit in Bombay airport after waving goodbye to Annette who is winging her way back to Paris via London, and I sit here waiting for my flight to Bangkok - tsunami permitting. I'm glad I came to India but I am more glad to be leaving! It was interesting to see that there are loads of Israelis marauding about over here - and that they are a nation of muffins. 80% of the lads have muffins that Professor Wheeto, Doc Brown, Don King and the Jackson Five would go to bed salivating over.
Anyway kids - I'm off to sip beers with girls with hairy knuckles and an Adam's apple in Bangkok, so I'll see thee all later.
Merry Christmas HO HO HO
Solo Messner (He didn't lie)
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