So the time has come for us to contemplate our departure from the rapidly disintegrating British shores. I fully expect that on our return, British citizens will be asked to wait outside, in the rain, whilst several million Muslim immigrants are handed sparkly welcome packs, all paid for by you.

On a slightly more positive note, we can now see the light at the end of the torturous, snake and giant bolder filled tunnel that is the US visa process. Quite why the US government requires so much information on one person is beyond me.

What I find more puzzling is that, whilst it seems totally acceptable for the US Army to wonder over to Iraq and accidentally fire missiles at our troops, it is not acceptable for me to fly a tiny little aeroplane made of paper, wood and chewing gum over the US without having filled in no less than 9 forms, had my iris photographed, had all 10 digits fingerprinted (4 times), and listed all of the countries I have been to in the last 10 years. What is more frustrating is that they also demand that you explain why you went to all of these places, and when using the response 'for a holiday' you illicit a similar reaction from the interrogator as if you had just urinated all over his shoes.

The only thing left was the much feared M-1 visa interview...