And so begins our first adventure.

By law, in order to obtain permission to learn to fly in the US it is required that you attend an interview at your 'local' US embassy, for this privilege you must pay $100. However, before you are able to schedule this interview you must fill in an online application form and send it off for authorisation, for this service you are required to pay a further $150. What's more, you must wait until you have received this authorisation before you can book your interview appointment. Having received the authorisation you are required to telephone the embassy (at £1.50 per minute) to book an appointment. Bear in mind that I received authorisation, and therefore telephoned for an appointment, at the end of July. The lady on the end of the telephone had obviously been instructed to speak as slowly as possible, using as many unnecessary words as she could, without becoming totally unintelligible.

I have to admit that I was slightly apprehensive as I had heard that the waiting time for appointments can be quite long, but my mind was put at rest when the lady asked, "Is there a specific date that you would like? Or shall I just give you the next available appointment?". Not wanting to be picky I requested the next available slot, knowing that we weren't due to fly until 7th October. However, in much the same way a used car salesman does before delivering a crippling car value, the lady drew an extended breath: "Welllllll..... it would appear from my records that the next available slot for a Visa interview would be on the 8th of October sir, perhaps I could look at your next nearest embassy?". My next nearest Embassy? Where could that be? Before I knew it I had agreed to go to the US Consulate in Belfast (and I would hardly consider that 'near').

Which brings me on to the subject of language. It is a frightfully common misconception that volume works in direct correlation with understanding. Quite why some people feel that by repeating themselves, only this time louder, is suddenly going to furnish the recipient of their verbal assault with the ability to converse fluently is beyond me. Nevertheless, it normally always takes at least four attempts at increasing the volume each time before these people will resort to frantically stabbing at the menu / train time table / hire car booking form with their finger.

Having stumbled out of the airport and boarded the bus, Sam did well to avoid the aforementioned tourist stereotypes and instead resembled someone reading from a thesaurus. Somehow, Sam had obtained the impression that the driver did not understand his first question and began reeling off as many synonyms for 'return' that he could think of (I was quite impressed). After a few minutes Sam ran out of words and simply handed the bus driver some money. The (now angry) bus driver responded by tearing off the ticket with the aggression only ever before seen by someone removing an arrow from their leg in Braveheart. He then punched Sam in the stomach, before unfurling his fist to reveal Sam's change.

It would later become apparent that the bus driver was, in fact, not speaking Gaelic as Sam had thought, and did instead have a light Irish accent. Unfortunately, anything other than the Queens English is completely inaudible to Mr Morris's ears. This problem was to later manifest itself when I returned to our table from the bar to find Sam having a long conversation with a local. What had in fact occurred, was that the individual was asking (in English, with an accent) whether he could take the spare chair: By the time I sat down Sam was churning out some of the most obscure phrases for 'I don't understand' (along with hand and arm actions) that I have ever seen and heard.