Weirdly, the picture is from the library they have on the website, and was taken in the town I visited last weekend, and I think I'm going to this weekend for a big traditional festival. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway..................

Christmas amidst the dust and heat is super-weird!

Well it's been weeks and weeks since I've updated this, and the first bit of this will be kinda copied from the e-mails I sent a few weeks ago. It's been really weird here for the past few weeks. First I was pretty sick, and then I went to Yaounde to get my visa renewed, and then Paul Biya came to Bamenda, which interrupted EVERYTHING and this week is what's called "Rasta Week" (I kid you not!) in school, which basically means that teachers are only in school to do corrections and fill in reports, but since I was sick and in Yaounde when the tests were given, and the whole routine got shot to bits over the past two weeks, I don't have to do any of that, so I'm on Christmas holidays now. It's so hard to know what the hell is going on here most of the time when it comes to school. Half the time I rock up to teach my English classes to find no students, or another teacher giving a class, or some other situation which means that I don't have my class. I miss the kids a lot, and it's quite infuriating especially on a Tuesday, because I'm in school red early then.

However, despite the fact that I opened this post with a bit of a rant, overall, I am really happy here (I'm not thinking of making a permanent move or anything, a year will definitely be enough for now). I really know that on a personal scale I am making a difference in a few people's lives. I never was under the illusion that I could really change any big picture stuff. The system here is too rotten from the top down. But I know that in the lives of the sponsored children and the kids I have taken a personal interest in (the boys are Joel, Amos, and Honest, and the girls are Mirabelle and Janet) are definitely improving, just because we're making sure they have all of the things that they need for school, and we're taking care of their healthcare, and we make sure they get vegetables every week, which impacts on their whole households, and improves their nutrition so much in comparison to what it used to be.

I know I'm not supposed to have favourites, but I seriously love love love Joel and Amos. They're brothers, and when I first came here, in my first week or two, I met Joel so we could make his profile (In my first month, I met about 60 kids for this reason) and I just couldn't get him out of my head. His father is blind, and Joel was so good at looking after him, and the family had nothing, but they still took in Joel's cousins when their parents died, even though before that they could barely afford to eat. And Joel was just seriously impressive, and I could tell that he was genuinely a lovely little boy, and that he was really smart, and so I kinda decided that when it came to school time, I would buy him his text books. And so then he was just so unbelievably gracious about it, and you should have seen his face light up when I bought him his drawing board. He wants to be a carpenter. I am currently buying him his tools in instalments, and it's kinda cool to think that he might be using the tools for years to come. He's near the top of his class, and I am just mad about him. Then there is his brother Amos. I think if I was told I could bring one child home with me, it would definitely be him. He's a teeny tiny little thing, and he's only 10, but he's in Form 1 (which is the equivalent of first year) and he's the top of his class, and he's just an adorable rough and tumble little boy. The other day I brought him to the clinic to get his ringworm treated and we were having a good chat. He has always said that he wants to be a journalist, but this day he said he wanted to be a doctor, and when I said "But Amos I thought you wanted to be a journalist", he looked straight up at me with this huge sigh, and said, "I just don't know which I want to be. I can't decide. It's a really hard decision", and looked quite adorably puzzled. So I told him that it was perfectly ok for him not to know exactly what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, because he is only ten years old, and he looked up at me and said, "OK then. I do think about it, but I can't figure it out". I swear I'm not entirely sure how I managed to avoid scooping him up in my arms and making for the airport. Cameroon could do a lot worse than if Amos decides that he wants to run this country. He'd be great! He comes to say hello to me nearly every day, and I teach him too every day, and I'm just crazy about him. So they're both the sweetest little things, but you have to realise how much people have this expectation that white people will help them. It's really disappointing, and about three weeks ago, it was confirmed to me that I was sponsoring two of the most worthy kids in Belo, because Joel who's the older one (he's 13) stopped me in school because I had asked him to find out about school fees and if they had paid any, which they haven't and he got really embarrassed about something, so I asked him what was up, and he said all of this stuff about how it wasn't fair for me to be spending so much money on them, and that they didn't know why I was and they didn't know how they could thank me, but about how they were so grateful and so lucky and how much it means to them and to their family. Now, even in Ireland, that would be a pretty amazing thing to happen but here in Cameroon, that's virtually unheard of. There's such a hands out culture here that people expect to be given things all of the time, so it was a REALLY big deal for himself and his family to even think about that, let alone articulate it to me. So I told him the truth about why I help out himself and Amos, that when I first met Joel, I could tell straight away that he was a really good kid, and smart and that he would work hard in school, and that he was really good to his dad, and that I had found him really impressive, and that when I got to know Amos, I felt the same about him, and that they both have proved that my first impression of them was right, because they are lovely, and hard working, and doing so well at school, and just such well mannered and polite young lads. And then he nearly started crying (kids are VERY rarely on the receiving end of praise here), and he said thank you again, and I told him to run back to class, but that I was really glad that he had said that to me. Up until that day, I never for a second doubted that I was helping out two of the most deserving, loveliest, hardworking children in Belo, but that day it was completely confirmed for me. And they have been so well brought up for Joel to come and say that to me.

Then a few weeks ago, I was working in the office and a blind man came in. I knew Joel and Amos' father was blind, but I only met him for a second, so I didn't recognise him. So I asked if I could help him, or if he was looking for the rev, cos the rev was away, but he said he was looking for me, and that he was their father. So I stood up to greet him (here, greeting someone means ALWAYS shaking their hand), and he wouldn't let go of my hand and he said that he just wanted to say thank you so much for everything that I've done for Joel and Amos and the family, and then he said that he had heard that I had asked about school fees, and I said that yes I would be contributing instalments to their fees, and he started crying, and saying that he didn't know what they had done to have me come in and take care of them, and all of this other lovely stuff. And then I told him that the two boys were amazing and that he should be really proud of them, and he started crying again.

It was pretty intense, but talk about getting exactly what I needed after being so stressed about the money stuff. It was so nice to meet someone who is so grateful, and so good, because there is just so much of the opposite kind of thing going on. I guess the universe is trying to show me that there's another side of this experience, because I've had quite a job getting the Rev to sort out money stuff, and I'm just not 100% that everything is above board, although in the last few weeks, I've been pressing it so hard that I think it's all coming back to balanced books again, at least for the CSP. I just want to get the bank account for the sponsorship programme up and running, so that then it's completely secure.

So I lost a lot of sleep, and have been a bit down about that, which is why what always happens to me at home when I'm extremely worried about work, and I have been really sick.

I had felt pretty crappy for about a week or so, but I just put it down to the lack of sleep from the stress. Then one Tuesday I couldn't eat anything besides my breakfast at 7 am, and couldn't keep anything down. So on the Wednesday, Anita took me to the hospital (here, there's no such thing as going to see the doctor-the GP is at the hospital) and I couldn't even keep down water, so Dr Jim gave me some drugs and told me to keep him posted. Dr Jim is an absolutely fantastic doctor from the States who I adored before all of this and who I know love dearly, he's here with his wife, who is equally as lovely as he is and they're basically the foster parents of a big gang of volunteers here, cos they really look after my friend Kristen who's a Peace Corps volunteer in the town where the hospital is. So he thought that I might have had a dose of malaria as I had a really high fever, so gave me the treatment for that, and gave me Cipro too, which is a kill-all anti-biotic, in case I had typhoid or a bacterial infection. So I took the drugs and came home, and couldn't do anything except sleep, or lie down, but then all the rest of that day, and for the Thursday, I couldn't eat anything, or even keep down water. I had no fever by then, but I did have waking dreams, or mild hallucinations, and I was dizzy all the time, so on the Friday, Daniel took me to hospital again, and Abdu and Etienne, who are the lovely hospital porters basically skipped me in front of everyone, and went and got Dr. Jim from his rounds, and then his wife Teri, snuck me in the back door to his room, cos there was a huge queue, and he just took one look at me and said "Yup, you need an IV, and you have to stay." Then he checked my weight and I had dropped over kilo in under 48 hours. So I spent that night in the hospital. Dr. Jim and Teri checked on me loads. But anyway thank God, I spent about 30 hours on an IV getting lots of drugs and fluids into me, and they came by and said that I could go home the next evening. I also had my first experience of a panic attack because I got sick again that night while I was still on the drip, and they had to give me other drugs to calm me down, and let me sleep. Panic attacks are NOT fun. I hope I don't have any more experience of that.

So I've been trying to look after myself a lot better, eating very healthily, and drinking lots of water, but especially taking breaks from work. It's so loud here in the rest house because we're right in town, and sometimes there might only be a window of three or four hours at night when there's not blaring music playing, so it's not to conducive to sleeping. So now I've taken to taking siestas when I need them. I understand that I need to look after myself, because 1. I work WAY harder than the rev, and I'm going to get it all done anyway, 2. If I don't look after myself, the little things that I can "pick up" here can be a lot more serious that the flu or bad cold that I would pick up at home, and 3. I'm no good to anyone if I can't look after myself, or if I can't (God forbid) last the year. So I've been better at taking care of myself. Even my friend Simon was complimenting me on how I've gotten better at it today. Although there were a few weeks when myself and Daniel weren't getting on too well, which I found super-stressful, but it was all about this one particular thing, so I sorted that out a few weeks ago, although he's gotten really really bad with his depression again, and he hasn't been in work much this past few weeks, so I'm back to worrying about him a lot.

In other news:

There are two new volunteers in Belo now, although one's been here about two months, called Erin, and she's from the States and she's here for three months. When I first met her, I didn't really warm to her but then I took her into Bamenda to show her around, and I really like her now. She's a complete legend, and she's got the same taste as me in a lot of things so we have great chats. She's not had too easy a time of it, she's been pretty sick, which sucks for someone who's here for such a short time. She had malaria her first week here, and then for the last few weeks she's had something and she spent a night in the hospital too, although she went back to Dr. Jim yesterday and now she's getting treatment for Giardia, which the others have all had, so hopefully that will sort her out. There's a little bit of romance between herself and Simon, which makes me happy, cos he's so happy, and he was going through such a hard time because he came here on the back of a really tough breakup. They're very sweet, and because Daniel and Anita are such hard work a lot of the time, they keep me sane too cos they're so much more normal, and like the kind of people I would be friends with at home. The other vol is called Eike, and is a very sweet healthcare volunteer from Belgium. She just came in last week, so

Besides that we are also getting to know the Peace Corps crew, especially Kristen who I love and Hana who's also lovely. They live in Njinikom, which is the next town over from us, and is the town where the hospital is. The first time I met Kristen I thought she was a bit too Team America for me, and it's weird she said she wasn't sure about me at first either, but then she came over again, and we got on brilliantly and now we are pretty good friends. I like having a bigger circle of friends and there are only really four or five of us in Belo, so it's nice to have a few others from outside too. She's really good craic too, and quite different from the others here. Plus it's nice to have another girl who is as easygoing as me, and who requires no effort at all. Although she doesn't get on too well with either Erin or Anita, as they don't particularly like each other, so I always have to tread on eggshells so I don't get stuck in the middle. There's a new Peace Corps girl in our area now too, called Laura. She came in last week, although I had met her on her site visit, and she's a total sweetheart. The three of us hang out a bit and that's really fun!

So through Kristen, we have gotten to know some of the others and I really like them. They're really social, so it's nice to have a gang who like to go out and have a few drinks and have the craic, as well as my gang who like tea and biscuits and a nice slow beer of a Friday night. I really like that now, cos I have the best of both worlds. I had my first Thanksgiving, with the Peace Corps gang too a few weeks ago, and then a couple of Saturdays ago, I organised a big night out in Belo for Kristen's birthday, which was really really fun. It was brilliant too, because I had just come back from a bit of a disaster of a trip to Yaounde (which I had been really looking forward to but was really stressful cos of Visa stuff, and because myself and Daniel weren't getting on, and I'd just had enough, and he had no clue what to do cos I was feeling a bit down, which isn't really me most of the time), and myself and Anita went for a coke and delicious Fish-Mama dinner and a rant about the boys, and this guy came up out of nowhere and said that I had asked a few weeks ago when there were things on in the nightclub, and that there was something on that Sunday. I was too tired to go, but I told him I had friends coming the following Saturday, and he said, no problem, leave it with me, I'll sort something out, and they organised a huge night of entertainment around us. It was class. And it was seriously around us. They didn't start anything until we were ready to go to the nightclub, and came and got us from the bar. Brilliant! I think Kristen had a really good time, which is what the whole thing was all about!

We always drink in the same bar, which is a nice little place upstairs that you can watch everything that's happening at Three Corners (which is the centre of town), and where my friend Pasto works, who's a complete sweetheart. It's great there. It's very laid back and there are comfy couches. I made a few CDs with our music on them, and when we go there, he always plays them for us. And you can bring your dinner there too, even if it's not Fish-Mama. (I should explain that from about half four in the evening, lots of ladies set up these sort of barbecue things, which are just metal barrels of coal, covered with a bit of metal grille fence over the top, and they cook fish. That's what a Fish-Mama is. We had a lovely one, my friend Brenda, who was a little bit crazy, but terribly sweet, but she moved to Yaounde, so we have found a new one who makes incredibly delicious fish. I end up having it once or twice a week cos it's so tasty. It's served with hot pepe sauce and a ginger paste, and you eat it with your fingers, and they run a delivery service to the pub, in case you're out having a drink. It's awesome!)

The other big event that's happened here in the last few weeks is that Paul Biya, the Cameroonian President, came to Bamenda. He's Francophone, and quite a peice of work. I'm reading a brilliant book about African politics at the moment, and he's quite well known as being one of two old school African Independence leaders who are still in power (the other is Mugabe, he's not nearly as bad as Mugabe though). He's not so popular here in the North-West, and next year is his 25th year in power and he's only been here once before, which was about 17 years ago. The opposition movement was founded here in Bamenda, and there's more resistance to him here than anywhere else in Cameroon. The whole place was a bit mad. There were hundreds of Gendarmes shipped into the area from Yaounde, and really strict ID checks (which was, as you can appreciate, quite scary when I was travelling about after I came back from Yaounde, and had to leave my passport there to get my visa). All of the Gendarmes are properly gruff, and strict, and carry AK 47s. There were also lots of BIR around for a few weeks before he came, which are the super elite section of the army, effectively the secret police. They rebuilt loads of Bamenda, including doing up the two airports, so no-one knew where he would fly into, so there could be no coup, and loads of buildings on Commercial (the main street) were knocked and rebuilt, or just knocked down. Gracy's was among the buildings knocked, although they relocated, so I can still have the most delicious chicken sandwich in the world when I'm in town. I was in town on the Monday, two days before he was due to arrive, to collect my passport, and they had closed off all of Commercial, and there were literally thousands and thousands of army and Gendarmes all lined up practicing marching and stuff. It was a really strange atmosphere, and it was odd to be in the middle of something the likes of which I would only see on TV and which I would never get to experience if I hadn't come here. Although the whole thing did assure me that there was no way anything would kick off against him, because there was just such a huge volume of his people in town. I'm not a big fan of the guy, but I don't think I would really want a coup to happen just down the road. They don't have a history of being calm, bloodless affairs in Africa. There were loads of helicopters and fighter jets doing fly-bys all day too. You can see where a lot of government spending goes, when you see how hi-tech so much of the equipment the army has is. He came anyway, and we watched it on TV, and he got presented with lots of things, and he watched lots of soldiers parading, and he was whisked through a place that was Bamenda, but didn't look anything like the Bamenda we know, because they cleaned up everything he would see, and the whole place came to a standstill for a week, and now everything is back to normal.

We went to town on Saturday and did our shopping for Christmas jumpers, which was really fun. I got a hideously ugly brown monstrosity with little people knitted on it to wear. Myself and Simon were really excited about it, and Simon bought one for Erin, and my friend Austin came in to meet us because I was going out to Bafut to stay with him for a night and he bought a really mingin one, because I think he and my other friend Kelly are coming for Christmas, and they wouldn't be allowed come without a classic Christmas jumper. I have been making Christmas crackers for the last few nights, because you can't get them anywhere here and you need them for Christmas dinner. I have suitably tacky Christmas decorations and gaudy tinsel, and cheap Christmas lights, but we don't have a tree yet, so that's the next thing we have to sort out. We're doing the proper meal on Christmas Eve, because we leave for Mount Cameroon at six o clock on St. Stephen's Day morning, so we want to not be very hungover from eating and drinking too much, so we'll be having Mexican from the leftovers on actual Christmas Day. It's going to be really hot and dusty, but myself and Simon are determined to stay in our jumpers for the whole day. We'll be having roast chicken because you can't get turkey here and there won't be any ham (although the pigs that run around town constantly mock me. There are pigs. WHY is there no bacon?!?!?!?), and lots of different vegetables and stuffing and other bits and pieces. Anita's a quality cook, so she'll be in charge of that.

It's so weird to think that Christmas happens next week, because it's so surreal here. At least in Australia, there was a Christmassy atmosphere around the place. We're having the Christmas party for the children on Wednesday, which is also market day, so I'll be going into town on Monday or Tuesday to get things for them, which will be a fun job for me. We're getting them clothes, toys or books, and food. That's going to keep me busy till the middle of next week, and then I'm on my holidays, heading to Mount Cameroon, then on to Kribi (for Kribi- read paradise) for four days at the beach, including to ring in the New Year, and there are plans for midnight skinny dipping afoot, which, if it happens, will be seen from space, because we're all so white! It's sunny here but there's no place to sunbathe that's at all private, and day to day wear has to be respectful, so we're mostly covered up. My feet are nice and brown, and I have a bit of colour on my arms but that's it. The from there, we head to Yaounde, where hopefully everything will be nicer than last time, and then back to reality for a bit although I think I'm going to a birthday party in the middle of January for one of the Peace Corps boys, and I'm pretty sure that will involve a trip for a few days too.

Other bits and pieces:

I have recently taken up guitar, and my fingers are suitably sore from it. I bought my guitar ten days ago, and am furiously practicing my five chords that I know. Simon's my teacher, and wants me to be able to play something for Christmas, although I think that might be a bit ambitious. Also since today (in what was not my finest moment) I burned the tops of the three middle fingers of my left hand, that might be an additional blow to Simon's plan.

I am now obsessed with 30 Rock. It is absolutely genius. I am a little bit in love with Tina Fey. Although Jack Donaghy is awesome too!!! Anyone who has not seen it, sort that out. Now. Best episode (which I almost know off by heart), is in the second season, when Lemon tries to buy an apartment. Literally cried laughing for pretty much the full episode, and know all of the dance moves to accompany Kenneth's version of Midnight Train to Georgia.

I have become addicted to Easi-Singles "cheese" slices. There's not really any dairy here (except for the odd bit of yoghurt, which is quite expensive), and I have come to love the oily grilled cheese sandwich with Ballymaloe relish. I've eaten an entire packet of the stuff over the past two days. That's how I burned my fingers today, making a grilled cheese. And yesterday I had it for breakfast. Even though I'd already eaten porridge. I have a problem. It's a good thing you can't get them in Belo. However, to compensate, I have been doing more reps in my workout, so that I can still wear my Christmas Bikini. (I love that I need a Christmas Bikini!)

I finally got a camera, and I love it, so I'm going to try to get snap happy now and start posting the pics here and on facebook. Although I did get duped into buying a fake Sony camera and had to bring it back, but now I've got a proper Olympus one, so I can finally start giving visuals as well as descriptions.

I finally have left stuff in to get my first clothes made from traditional fabric. I think I'm going to pick them up on Friday, because I used Kristen's tailor in Njinikom, and I have to bring Job, our HIV kid to get his ARVs so I'll get them then. I'm pretty excited about that. I will post pics.

I think I'm going to my first big traditional festival this weekend, following on from our failed attempt at the festival in Foumban which turned into the world's most disastrous trip. I saw pictures of last year's one at the weekend and it looks awesome, so I have to find out when it is for sure, and I'm hoping for Sunday, cos I have my teacher training course on Saturday. There will be loads of traditional dance troupes and they practice for months for this one, and there will even be loads of juju dance troupes. I've seen hardly any jujus while I've been here, but there seems to be an epidemic of them in Bafut, so that might change this weekend.

I think that's it. I wish I hadn't eaten all of my "cheese", cos I'd love a grilled cheese sandwich now. Town is hopping at the moment, because everyone's started coming home for Christmas already, so it's pretty rowdy out there tonight, so I might not be getting too much sleep tonight anyway. I'll settle for a bit of twix and a cup of tea, and watch The History Boys methinks ("History is a study of the varying and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women, following behind, with a bucket.")

I know I've been useless about keeping this up to date, but I promise I shall try to do better!

Happy Christmas everyone!! I hope you all have a great one, and a brilliant New Year. I shall see you all in the new year. Weird! Eat lots of yummy things. I hope if there is a white Christmas, that it's just a little bit white, and not like The Big Chill, as it was dubbed by the Irish Times. Love to you all.

xoxoxoxox