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4th January- 10th January
Melbourne, home of Neighbours, the tram and Ned Kelly! It is said that in Melbourne you can experience 4 seasons in one day, and throughout our trip here we can say that is spot on. 6 days here, each one as strange as the last!
We arrived after an overnight bus and gingerly found our way to our hostel. Now we opted for an inner city hostel so we could walk everywhere. Most other hostels are out in the surrounding areas, most of those were full, and so when we found one with free breakfast and Internet we were elated. That all ended when we walked through the front door!
Now, it might be that because we had such a good hostel in Sydney, our standards were set quite high. More likely thought was that King Street Backpackers was a dump.
We found our way to our small 6 bed room, dropped off our bags and left, two reasons for this, 1. We didn't want to waste the day and 2. The room had a sweaty Irish bloke in there that stunk.
We plodded off into the centre being merrily overtaken by trams and buses as we went. We found the visitor centre and acquired a map and booked a trip for a certain world famous street. We walked straight up the city's main road and headed to the Victoria markets. Now these markets are also world famous and they take up a city block due to their size. Size doesn't mean substance and by the time we arrived there most of the stalls were closing up for the day, it was only 12 o'clock!!! The lazy blighters we thought, this wouldn't happen in the bull ring! We milled around the stalls that were open but didn't see anything we liked.
In the afternoon we continued our walking theme and sweated it out on our way to the museum. Now we've experienced heat all along our trip but this was something else. The sun was blaring in the sky and there wasn't a cloud in sight. The air was boiling hot, not just stuffy but bordering on flammable. This was all topped off by a lovely wind that smacked the heat into your eyeballs with the ferocity of a tiger (don't know where that comparison came from, it just seemed to flow from the keys!!). We later found out from some tourists that it was 106 degrees Fahrenheit (yes we are aware were not American and we don't use Fahrenheit, but the number sounds bigger.) 106 is mental hot, the heat travelled south after Melbourne and is the reason for the fires that are being mentioned on the telly. So we survived it and walked around in it, some would say we're daft, I'd say stubborn!
So with melted faces and liquid eyeballs we made it to the museum and collapsed. We sat in the foyer just basking in the air con! "Can we help you?" "Just a minute love we're enjoying this!" When we were able we bought some tickets and entered the Southern Hemispheres (bottom half of the planet for those puzzled by large words) largest museum.
The museum wasn't the type most people think, it was full of kids funnily enough and the whole thing is interactive with bits and bobs to play with, iPads and video pods. Being so huge it's split into different zones and we started at the top and worked our way round. The first section was all about Melbourne's history and how it came to be. Randomly attached to the side was a life sized stuffed horse and its story of being the most famous horse ever. Declan went around that section coughing 'red rum' and getting suspicious looks. Other sections included a mind and body section with actual body parts on display inside special cases. There was a real life rainforest section we ventured into before deciding that it really was too hot to be outside!
The Pièce de résistance though was the animal section. We say animal section, it was full of dinosaurs. Now some things, no matter how old you are are always cool. Like Pirates, monkeys, Ninjas and sharks, dinosaurs will never, not be exciting, even though they're all well and truly dead! The Dino section had life sized models and skeletons of the prehistoric beasts. The section was mainly about the animals found in Australia and it was great to walk about pushing buttons and seeing things move about. Above the whole section attached to the ceiling was a pterosaur, the big ass flying dinosaurs and this 1 was huge.
As day turned to night we swaned about the city getting the lay of the land. There is a small section missing there where we got lost and Mel got stung by a wasp, but we won't go into that. We walked back to the hostel where we found out the air con wasn't working. As our hostel was chock-a-block full of as#hol*s we walked in to find 'people' with wet tea towels on their heads. People was in apostrophes there because over the next few days we realised that every single person in that hostel was devolving into chimps. We headed up the stairs and sweated it out in our room, thankfully the smelly man had left and the room smelt better.
The next day we headed to the nearest bus stop to wait for the tourist shuttle. The bus took us around the various sites before we decided to get off at the Shrine of Remembrance in Remembrance Park. Once again we found ourselves at war memorial, but like we said in previous blogs, they are everywhere. The further down we travel the grander they seem to get. This one was mainly dedicated to WW1 veterans and was built by returning soldiers. The Shrine was massive and included lots of stories about specific battles during war. Outside the shrine there was an eternal flame that had been lit by Queen Elizabeth in 1950. After another short hop on the bus we arrived at the Melbourne cricket ground.
The cricket ground also doubled as the 1956 Olympic stadium and held 100,000 people. We were shocked by the amount of people that wanted to watch cricket but each to their own. Around the stadium stood heroes of the Olympics and of Australian cricket. The newest statue being of Shane Warne. It made us wonder whether they would build statues outside the London Olympic stadium, chance would be a fine thing.
From the cricket ground we walked to the Fitzroy gardens where we stumbled upon a fairy tree and miniature village. The fairies didn't live in the village, they were two separate things. The fairy tree was made by a famous Melbourne artist and it was dedicated to the children of Victoria. The model village was a gift to the city from a tiny town in England called Lambeth. Apparently Melbourne had sent them food during WW2, so naturally a model Tudor village is a just repayment.
Also in the gardens was Captain James Cook's house. Captain Cook for those who don't remember was the first man to map the east coast and he is widely regarded as a saint in Oz. His house was brought brick by brick all the way from Yorkshire. Not actually brick by brick, it was all put on the same boat!! We had a nosey about the tiny cottage and then played some 18th century games. In keeping with our 18th century lives we went to watch Les Miserables in the evening and concluded that not only is Hugh Jackman amazing, he is also the greatest man alive!! Look at the facts, he can obviously act, he can sing, dancing is a given and on top of all that he still manages to juggle a secret career as the world's most badass superhero!! Seriously thought he deserves an Oscar and the film is top notch.
Another day arrives and we have a new tenant in our room, this one being a very quiet Chinese man. He introduced himself and then offered us both a sachet of tea. Thank you very much we said, Declan contemplated a bow but before he could the man had vanished. Outside the hostel and back at the bus stop we rejoined the route around the city. We were heading all the way round on the bus to the newly constructed docklands. This part of the city housed a massive shopping mall and the film and television studios. After Mel had bought some new clothes we had a spot of lunch next to an obese family. We tucked into our lovely 'monster burgers' while judging the rotund children and their terrible parents next to us! Seriously how hard is it to keep a child healthy? Not letting them eat greasy burgers would be a start. Keeping the social worker and teacher personas at bay we walked off down along the harbour. Taking in the views we stopped off at the Etihad stadium and the north pier.
In the afternoon we made our way down to south bank using one of the free trams. All the free trams that travel round the city are vintage 1930 trams and allow tourists to hop on and off at various places. The south bank is the lively part of the city and is where many street performs go to entertain. We watched an Irish magician produce potatoes from thin air and an aborigine play the didgeridoo. We stopped off and had some drinks before going back to our lovely hostel.
Thankfully the weather had changed and was quite chilly that day, so when we entered the hostel we weren't greeted by clowns in tea towels. This did not stop the inhabitants acting like imbeciles.
No exaggeration has been added to this next section.
A man/boy/retard returned to the hostel wearing big head phones and carrying an iPad. He proceeded to jump over the back of the sofa and into a chair. The app he was running was a DJing mixer. He was grunting and beat boxing loudly for all to hear while tapping away at his device. Then to make the whole experience cringeier he started dancing with just one hand in his chair. He set down the iPad and started shocking out to whatever noise he had mixed, still seated, still grunting and making weird noises. He did all this to obviously attract attention, people looked then looked away, bored by the antics of a show-pony .Still dancing like a vagrant high on white lightning, he began tapping away at his device again, proclaiming to his friend that it 'was da bomb'. His friend began to film him, hopefully to post it on the net under the title 'Dancing Spanish douche bag'. Unable to take any more we had to leave the common area for the sake of our sanity.
Later on in the evening, dancing boy was now strutting round in a diner jacket, whoring out his attention to the 'in' crowd. We found a table and put our washing on while job hunting. Luckily for us a group of French people sat on our laps and began shouting their entire conversation for the two hours we waited for our clothes. Just to add insult to injury a fellow hosteller decided to take our washing out of the only dryer before the cycle had finished, leaving us with damp clothes. Not to be out done, and to fight fire with fire, we headed back into the laundry room turned off all the washing machines and opened up the dryer. We happily folded our clothes and headed to bed, safe in the knowledge that ours was not the only washing sabotaged that evening. (Now upon further consideration we know this is slightly out of order, but f#*k em, most of the inhabitants were weird, rude Europeans that thought too highly of their own importance)
Another day begins.
This was the day we had been waiting for, and if you've been following from the start so have you. Today was the day we journeyed to Ramsey Street.
Altogether now.......
"Neighbours........everybody needs good neighbours!!!!"
Yes we booked this trip as soon as we got to Melbourne and we had been waiting for it over the last few days. We boarded the bus and were whisked away to outer Melbourne where it is filmed. Along the way our very informative tour guide (strangely from Belfast) gave us a rundown of everything, literally everything, that has happened on the street over the last 27 years, including scandals and gossip. Now as we hadn't watched the soap in nearly a decade we were lost by most of the stuff he was saying but he kept throwing out great nuggets of info along the way. Did you know, Neighbours is set in Erinsbough because it is an anagram of neighbours!! (We can wait while you go back and work it out). Also it's the most watched show on channel five, and Brits love it so much they film an extra six episodes just so Brits can watch it all year round. He also told us that the Kennedys (Susan and Dr Carl) are the only husband and wife combo that haven't been killed off, all other couples get married and within a few months one of them dies, it's tradition! The guide took us all around the studios showing us the various sets and props. He explained how the show is a total and utter lie and most of the outside settings are just different angles of the studio building! Inside they have all the houses, schools and cafes, but we weren't allowed to see those. We did get to see the mechanics and the outside of the shops. The guide explained that a character always had to become a mechanic in the show as they didn't want to waste the set. After the tour around the studio we headed five minutes away to the street itself.
Prepare yourself now...it's not actually called Ramsey Street. It's called Pinoak Croft! They stick the sign on when they need to, and it's a real street with actual residents. The guide explained that they get a fee for the filming and such, and all they have to do is make sure the gardens are tidy and they don't paint the house. He said the fee was small but every driveway had a fancy car and one even had a yacht!! We happily took pictures with the sign as we made our way around the street. Obviously we weren't allowed into the houses but we enjoyed it all the same.
The tour guide gathered us around while he told us more about the filming and so on. While he was doing this a current cast member sneaked up behind us and said hello!! Like we said before we hadn't seen it in a while but others had and were extremely happy to see him. We met and chatted with him and he told us some juicy gossip of episodes to come!! Don't worry Harold won't be getting killed off and Toadie will still be acting like a numpty.
On the way home the guide put on 'iconic' episode of neighbours and made us all sing all to the theme tune. He then told us that we could buy the DVD but we gave it a miss.
Now you can't really top a day at the Neighbours set but we gave it ago. After some house/job hunting over a few pots of tea we found ourselves at the foot of the Eureka Tower.
Sky deck 88 is a 360 degree view of Melbourne. It's on the 88th floor and is the highest view point in the Southern Hemisphere. We timed this perfectly as the sun was just about to start to set. After buying our tickets we hopped in the lift and shot up all the way to the top. The lift was travelling so fast our ears popped! We got out and watched the sunset and the night begin. The whole floor had huge glass windows and we paced around taking in the sights from high above. All the lights of Melbourne began illuminating the city and we stayed until we were kicked out.
The next day we were tired and unfortunately had business to get on with. We set ourselves up with wifi and hunted for jobs and houses. On the evening however we had booked another event and headed across the city to Dracula's. Dracula's is a comedy cabaret with a vampire twist. Arriving at the theatre we were greeted by the cast and crew. They were all in character and made their way along the queue giving people grief and entertaining us while we waited. When we entered we were taken to the main room by a ghost train!! They really didn't spare any expense! The ghost train wasn't amazing but still made us jump!! We found our seats, which were in a great spot and sat down for dinner. The night included a three course dinner and it was surprisingly delicious. While we ate the cast played some smooth jazz music and tuned up their instruments. After an amazing pudding, a chocolate coffin full of berries and cream, the show began. Being fond of a drink we ordered some beers and a vampire cocktail to last us throughout the performance. The waitress, dressed as a vampire even brought us over a Dracula themed ice bag to keep them cool, 'that'll be in Mel's bag at the end of the night' we thought.
The show was a mixture of comedy, music and vampires. It included some magic, spider gymnastics and even a dinosaur! (told you they were cool). The cast all played their parts well and it was a great evening's entertainment. During the interval they played the secret videos of the ghost train ride. Shamefully it showed people jumping out of their skins during one particular section. Our video however just showed us both sipping a cocktail while having a chat!!
Walking home merry we recounted the evening's events while clutching a pilfered cool bag!!
On our last full day in Melbourne we headed to the Old Melbourne Gaol (prison cells). We explored each of the tiny cells of the prison while learning about its long history. The prison had been open for an eternity 1854-1994 and the cells were anything but luxury. We popped ourselves in each of the cells and read a little about its inhabitants. Declan followed Mel around saying they were doing a 'bit of bird' and Mel happily smiled until he had said it 400 times. After a mill about the cells we headed to the watch-house where we were arrested and placed into the holding cells. The watch house was next to the prison and held 150 people in tiny cramped cells while they awaited their day in court. In the holding area there was even a padded cell for people deemed a little odd! After our time being locked up, we then headed to court to watch a re-enactment of the Ned Kelly trial. Ned is Australia's most famous criminal and was tried on charges of murder. The trial wasn't a fair one and it was obvious the crown wanted rid of him. His views were gaining public support so they gave Ned an inexperienced lawyer and a seriously biased Judge. The trail went as planned and the verdict was a guilty charge, Ned was hanged shortly after in the Gaol, next door (and yes it is hanged, not hung before you question the grammar of this piece). We tootled off to see where Ned was hanged and continued to explore the prison. 133 people were hanged in Melbourne and after each hanging a face cast was made of the prisoner. These casts were on display all around the prison with the tales of the convict close at hand. There were things to dress up in and props to play around with all throughout the prison and we passed the day, doing a bit of bird!!
That evening it was back on the job hunt for our time in Perth, we spent it at the library before finally biting the bullet and heading back to the lunatic asylum we called our hostel.
The following morning it was off to the airport. Not a lot can happen in a domestic airport, or so one could think! However if we were to tell you that Declan was nearly shot at it would not be far from the truth!!!
Having checked in and sat around writing most of the blog in the airport cafe, we finally headed towards our gate. We were happily scanned and began or walk alongside the terminal and out across the airfield towards the plane. Being a domestic journey we were on the equivalent of a Ryanair flight. Just as we were at the foot of the stairs to the plane out came a question.
"Where's the camera bag?" Mel asks quizzically.
"OH f***!!!" Came the response.
Hastily grabbing a boarding card Declan drops his bag and starts running full pelt across the Tarmac back towards the terminal.
With hindsight this now does look quite suspicious!!
Jumping over a small barrier, with the grace of a champion hurdler, Declan bounds down the side walk like a man on a mission.
"SIR, STOP!! You are in violation of airport Security!!" Comes a deep voice.
For the second time in mere minutes Declan poops his pants as an armed guard stands between him and the terminal door!
"I've forgot my camera!!"He squeaks.
"You must board your plane you cannot re-enter the building!" The stern voice bellows.
"But what about my camera??" (not the strongest of arguments, but it was all he had)
"Return and board your plane." A look was given that suggested he didnt care about a camera.
And with that a shattered Declan turned and walked back towards the plane.
Luckily a helpful person spoke with Mel and radioed the terminal people to see if it had been found. We found our seats and hoped.
The doors shut and the plane started moving. Another camera bites the dust we thought as we solemnly dipped our heads.
"Is this yours?" A friendly voice asked. And suddenly our lives were happy again. The women was thanked and even earned herself a bow of gratitude. The plane took off and we headed to Perth.
Well, that's all for now folks! Quite poetically our last day of travelling came on our 2nd year anniversary. It also fell 5 months to the day since we left home on our adventure. The next few months are going to be used for working but we will still venture out around Western Australia so this isn't the last blog, just the last for a while.
We hope you're all well. Don't forget our blog becomes a book when were done and any messages left in the 'messages' section will fill up the last few pages. It would be great to hear what you think of our trip so far. xXx
- comments
Helen Hall I have awaited every one of your blogs with anticipation purely for selfish reasons!! I have been transported back 20 years to the best year of my life thanks to your amazing and of course Dec, very amusing stories!
Ciara jeepers creepers dec!!! the airport tale had me in stitches!!! I cant believe they found it and gave it back!! and also i wanna know what happened when you got lost and mel got stung by a wasp?! sounds like you really are making the most of it, so many adventures!!! The neighbours fact were very useful for my 'useless information file' in my brain aswell, so thanks for that!!