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His mum and dad were very welcoming, and given my early start and another late night was looking forward to a nice lie in.
The weather was roasting hot so we needed to keep a noisy fan on during the night but I managed to get off eventually.
Nice lie in I was thinking under my mosquito net sweating like a teenager on a first date.
Now here is an interesting fact for you. Virtually all working class Philippinos keep hens for the eggs. This also means they need to keep Roosters.
We were in the middle of an street where everyone had Hens.......
c*** a doodle dooo!
c*** a doodle dooo...
It was about half four in the morning and I had quadraphonic roosters piercing my ear drums.
I put the pillow over my head and cried.
His dad is a fisherman, so after giving up on the hope of any sleep by 7am I got up to freshly barbecued fish, crabs, oysters.
Must say I have never had Oysters for breakfast, and was worried about the impact on top of the pig brains, but threw caution to the wind and tucked in.
His mum saw my ankle and said to go see the old man on the corner for some treatment as he was very good.
So off we went and this skinny frail old man hobbled in and smiled at me as I put my leg on his knee.
I hope the weight of my leg does not hurt I thought.
No need, he was a ninja in an old mans body. He started off very gentle..this is nice I thought.
Then he went to town. He had a grip like a body builder. Oh my God was it hurting.
Lito was laughing as he was snapping away on his camera.
This better work I thought as I dug my nails in to the chair.
We went back to the house and I needed to charge my camera so flipped open the side only to see the death mark of green fuzz around the input socket. This meant only one thing, that water had got inside.
Turns out my brand new super duper expensive waterproof camera was not so waterproof.
Great. My curse was continuing a treat.
A month old, first time I used it underwater and now it was broke.
I tried to charge it just in case it was ok but it was having none of it.
What was I going to do?
I was back in London for a half day stopover on the way to Brazil, so could drop it back in then, but I knew they would either insist on a repair, or even if I could swop it it was end of line so no more stock.
I needed it sorting on the day or I could kiss it goodbye.
More expense I can do without.
Is anything going to go right on this trip?
I was ok for Manila as I could use Lito's camera, but this was now just another problem I needed to solve.
We decided to go over to his house so headed off to the bus stop.
The main form of transport are what they call Jeeps. They look a bit like a jeep but are stretched and you sit inside or when it is full you hang off the back.
We went to the next village and the jeep was full so my rucksack got thrown on the roof and we jumped on the back and I held on to a small bar as we shot off.
After about two minutes my arms were killing me.
How long is the trip I asked?
About 45 minutes Lito told me laughing, seeing I was struggling.
They are all super fit and rock hard, so it was easy for them.
Now my biceps were burning. What a big fat p**** I have become I thought as I looked at the road ahead for a potential soft landing.
Put your head inside and lean forward Lito told me, it is much easier.
Luckily it was, so I managed to survive the trip.
We jumped off at his house up in the hills and I was greeted by his wife and the children and then met all the relatives that lived closed by.
Then I was fed until I burst.
His house is surrounded by everything, mango, avocado, coconut, banana, coffee, peppercorns, jackfruit, dragon fruit, pineapple, cotton.
As I looked at each one Lito would run up like a monkey and then down he would come with some fruit for me to eat.
I had never eaten so much gorgeous fresh fruit, the taste was phenomenal.
Also nearby is a river that they have made a swimming pool out of, and also a waterfall which is the local shower. There is only one hosepipe for running water to all the houses so this meant no taps or flushing toilets. No gas so all cooking was done outside over a wood burning stove. No internet, no sky, no doors and no toilet seats. Hens, roosters, ducks, dogs running around freely with pigs at the bottom of the garden. It was an incredibly simple way of living compoared to what I was used to.
Lito thought I was bored but I was enjoying the peace and quiet.
I did miss the toilet seat though, and everytime I went to the loo out in the back garden the curtain would blow open. Not a pretty sight.
His dad has a small fishing boat so we also spent a day going along the coast and stopping off at the beaches.
It was peppercorn season, so all the family were busy helping with the harvest, and also Lito had an order for a thousand coconuts, so it was ideal for me to just relax and catch up on everything.
The local beer is brewed by San Miguel and is called Red Horse.
We went to his brother in laws birthday and they were all drinking the local Brandy, but as I do not like it I stuck on the Red Horse.
I was hammered after a few bottles as I soon realised it was 7% proof.
I joined the group of the hammered drinkers who were mostly men around fifty and sixty with their shirts off. They all worked on the farms so were rock hard and had hard muscles and thought my flabby excuse for a body was hilarious.
They kept punching my arms and then flexing their muscles.
To be fair they did put me to shame.
Then the Karaoke machine rolled up and off they all went singing the night away.
As my singing is worse than my dancing I explained my war wound in my throat that prevened me from singing............plus a few squirrels managed to deflect the microphone.
we spent the next week visiting local sights with every other day to nurse the hangovers we got.
We almost made it to a c*** fight which is legal, but got put off by the fact the bloke that told us where it was said he would come in with us to "show us around". we had just had another set to with a bloke flogging boat trips so we were on our guard.
We said we would come back in a bit after getting a drink and wandered up the street, but he just kept following us.
We decided going in would be a mistake so grabbed the first motorbike and shot off.
I tried eating fish eyes, which were not as bad as I thought and for some crazy reason I bought a meat clever as a momento to take home.
Why on earth did you buy that his wife asked?
Because it was cheap I said.
Have fun getting that through the airport she said.
Hmmm, I never thought of that.
Pants.
I was impressed with the cost of local stuff. You can get most items of clothing for a pound, and a decent pair of flip flops for 30p. Spirits were for nothing and a packet of fags was a quid.
I was introduced to his very beautiful 18 year old cousin with a possible view to marriage! Tempting.....
For our final night out we went to a town near Manila where he used to work, and found a pretty grotty karaoke bar. It had some girls in once again, but these had been round the block a few times and left us alone.
We had just the one bottle of beer, but towards the end I was convinced the ice had been spiked as Lito starting rambling on as if he was off his head. Apparently it is not unusual. Getting the ice spiked that is, not Lito rambling.
I was feeling fresh too, so we got out pretty quickly just in case it was laced with rohipnol or something.
We ended up going back to the village where his parents lived and hit the drinking huts there. I must have been hammered as I sang on the karaoke.
Somehow we ended up drinking on the beach with a group of girls at half four in the morning. Boy did we have hangovers the next day.
Final day was his daughter's graduation from junior school. They have a big ceremony and all dress up. Lito and Necy asked me if i would walk on stage with her to get her certificate as it would be a big thing for a westerner to go to the school.
I said I would be more than happy to and off we went.
When you arrive on stage the headmaster and I think some local Government woman shake the hand of the parent, so you should have seen them do a double take when I was stood there holding her hand.
Next was the big journey from Manila to London to New York To ............
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