Profile
Blog
Photos
Videos
So, after 8 months in Berlin I finally returned to England. I decided 6 days would be plenty of time, so got my parents to book my flights and then set about organising a hectic northern England tour to take in as much fun, friends and English things as I could manage.
I landed on Wednesday after a brief delay and an influx of ugly Scottish volcano-refugees on my flight. I went straight to Indian Restaurant, did not pass Sainsburys and did not collect £200, just £15 of these so called English-pounds from my Dad for the curry. Had a lovely Jalfrezi, with spice, which the Germans just CANNOT do. Sarah was eagerly awaiting her Chicken Tandoori even though she had eaten corn and 2 biscuits already, but when it came out there was no meat in the sauce. Worriedly she started babbling "I ordered chicken, didn't I? I did, didn't I? Didn't I? I did! Did I? I did, didn't I". Then the man brought out her sizzling chicken separately. And we laughed at her. Then we went to the pub, where I discovered they now show the football in 3D. Reminding me that Wirralians live vicariously through the size and specs of their TVs. And get worked up about playing fields. Time to move on from there, after popping my vote for the Lib Dems into my old school.
So I travelled up to Kendal the next day and met up with Laura, Lizzie and Jordan. The train journey reminded me how depressingly ugly people are generally in northern England. Good job I only hang out with the fit ones. Speaking to Lizzie on the phone before I met her I asked her how she was and she replied with "I'm fat, I'm pregnant, and I'm walking up a hill!" I left it there! Caught up on several more missed things from England while there... including Beans on Toast, Subway and Wetherspoons. We also had a lot of Lips singing, including old fave "I need your boobs" and Me and Laura also played an election drinking game, with shots of red, blue, yellow and green alcohol. We gave up after fifty or so constituencies, the stuff was kinda minging.
Then it was off to Lancaster, which again was a terribly hectic blur. It was great to catch up with friends, drink some Carlsberg, play some pool and spend loads of money on the jukebox. Which still had every one of the songs I worked so hard at getting into the Top 10 most played almost a year previously! Trying not to miss anyone out (but likely to due to copious alcohol consumption), the night included seeing the old men regulars from the pub, Charlotte, Mike, Claire, Mark, Flick, Jeni, Beckett, Tony, Hannah Jane Gregg and Jenn. Had rather a lot of beer, some colourful shots, Desperados and good times dancing at Hustle before ending the night with chips, cheese, gravy and mayonnaise from Starvin Marvins! I crashed on Flick's couch (thanks!) before waking myself up at silly o'clock in the morning, still wasted, to make my way to Manchester!
I met Emily at the station, who came all the way up from London for the day especially. We met Joanne outside Primark, where we then spent a long period of our day. I got 3 pairs of sunglasses, 10 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of underwear, 2 pairs of shoes, jeans and a t-shirt. And for not much. We also had fun cocktail times, with very pretty men making us nice alcoholic beverages. Although when my second had tequila in, Emily had to take one for the team after my Friday night of heavy drinking meaning the taste knocked me sick.Sadly, soon after we had to escort Emily to the train station, and the mini Linguistics reunion was over.
But that meant it was time for meeting Matt and Mandy in their lovely new flat. I wanna be that grown up and have my own place too! Matt made me a cocktail as we waited for the arrivals of Tanya, Mandy's sister, and Joanne's return. When we were all there and fed, we headed out for my first trip to Canal Street. We visited several different bars, but apart from a quick failed snog with a drag queen, there was little to write home about boy-wise. I think the gays mostly avoid Saturdays to avoid the not-so-attractive hen parties and other tourists. Still, we had a great night dancing to Lady Gaga and Beyonce, and not dancing to Alphabeat.
Sunday included some more shopping at Primark (it'd be rude not to!) and some Mrs Greggs time ("Hi, can I help please?"), before I said my goodbyes and headed back to the Wirral. Sunday night was family meal time. I expected a barrage of questions and an interest in my new life, but instead Wirralitis took over and the conversation was dominated by talk of failed football trials of 6 year olds as if it were the end of the world that Liverpool Academy had passed up the chance to take the next Pele onto their books, and how Lauren had got one over on the class b****. Good for her, but I just sat there mostly in silence eating my carrots. At least the food was good. The Wirral is just so depressing. The window cleaner took more of an interest in my life in Berlin than my family. He's probably more likely to visit as well. Still, I'm not immune to Wirralitis myself, and so I went to play football with my nephews. And my team won, for the first time ever.
I then watched Dr Who and had an early night (did I mention Wirral is dull?), before using Monday to meetup with "our Shauna", Nick and Sarah for a few more beers in the Swan. People nosied in on our conversation multiple times, in true friendly northern style, and though it wouldn't happen in Berlin, I kinda enjoyed that aspect. Berlin is friendly, but not in that OTT way where you meet someone in a pub and instantly know their whole life. Still, I hope the random woman who is flying to Turkey today has a good time. We ended the night by pouring our money into an ItBox, a favourite English pastime of mine, and when we were down to our last 50p and our very last life, what should come up but "Identify 8 Eurovision songs". Fate.
I'd like to say a great big THANKYOU to everyone who made the effort to visit/accommodate/drink with me during my time in England, it was great to see you all again, and it's not your fault you live in such a depressing place - but if you can escape then DO IT! And come visit soon please!
- comments
Caine Living vicariously myself in Ghana but weirdly people have more of a sense of the outside world here than in towns in England. I think the skin colour is wot does it in the North as people have no sense of fashion here either but they just don't have that depressingly ugly thing. Has anyone noticed Nathan is a refugee in imminent danger from the fighting in BKK yet?