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We had just one night in Hanoi to organise our trip the following day to Halong Bay and having heard a few horror stories about some of the boats, we did our best to select a boat and itinerary that was on budget and doing everything we wanted before heading to a quirky café / vintage shop for supper! Sitting on the roof of the building looking across Hanoi was pretty amazing and the evening was enjoyed by all except BG who'd managed to order mush for his supper which was completely tasteless and gooey!
Next morning we were up early (of course) and picked up by the bus taking us to the water. Three hours later and we arrived at the harbour ready to board our junk boat. First impressions were not too bad, the boat looked clean and was floating which was a good start, and so we dragged our cases along the single plank of wood to clamber aboard. There were twelve in total on the boat, a mix of couples, people on their own and groups of friends; and as Matthew Sam unfortunately didn't inherit the stranger-danger gene we were soon chatting away to everyone over a huge lunch as the boat made its way to the bay.
Post-lunch we spent a happy hour on the sundeck taking in the spectacular view before arriving at our first stop Hang Sung Sot, a series of huge caves filled with unusual rock formations which include a Buddha and a large tortoise, but most importantly, a rock penis lit by a pink spotlight which Matt obviously found hilarious! The caves were pretty cool and almost worth the 90 steps in crazy heat to reach them, for BG though, the highlight of the trip was the penguin shaped bins and we had to endure an hour of 'look, there's another one, does anyone have any rubbish?' every time a bin came into view.
Next on the itinerary was a kayak on the brilliant green waters through caves and natural tunnels. Having drawn the short straw, BG was paired with me and insisted I go at the front of the kayak so he could keep an eye on me and check I was actually rowing (damn it, foiled at the off). Given there were two hot girls in our group, Matt was keen to be paired with one of them and get them alone on the waters. However, as we approached the jetty, we were just in time to see Matt be paired up with the curviest girl in the group, his kayak considerably lower in the water than any of the others and a face like thunder. Next it was our turn to take to the water but not before BG rejected the first three kayaks we were offered as too dirty (ok, that might have been me), broken and in classic BG style, not red. Finally we were in our shiny red comfortable kayak and set off to look for Matt, me being made to row as hard as BG much to my disdain. After twenty minutes we realised that we were right not to have gone on any physically exerting trips and made our way back to the boat to be reunited with a still disgruntled Matthew Sam greeting us with 'can you believe, she actually asked me why our kayak was lower than everyone else's?!'.
Everyone back on board, our boat headed to another island where we were deposited to watch the sunset. No mention of beer but within two minutes of being on land, Matt and BG both had a beer in their hand. Typical. While some went swimming, we headed to the corner of the island and made ourselves comfy on some rocks and watched the sun dip into the green waters, turning them bright orange which gave Matthew Sam another opportunity to put his newly developed photography skills into practice.
Feeling suitably relaxed, it was just a short ride to more deserted waters (well, apart from the hundred other boats doing the same trip) and a huge supper. Feeling nicely tired from all the rowing and fresh air, I was looking forward to getting some sleep. However, after leaving the dining room for two minutes to go to the loo, I came back to find all the tables pushed together, a huge bottle of vodka on the table (guess who bought that) and the start of drinking games (guess who was organising that). Hours and hours later, three bottles of vodka later and many drinking games later (I got a certain degree of revenge for insisting Matt drink every time he called me Cousey which got him drunk pretty quickly) and it was complete carnage. Matt broke into the Captains hub, tried to steer the boat and climb the ropes while the rest of us tried to walk in a straight line and focus our eyes on something solid.
After a very restless nights sleep (boat was freezing cold, linen was minging and poor Matt was above the engine so slept even less than the rest of us) and it was time for a cold shower and breakfast before heading to Monkey Island for our first stop of the day. Having been warned about the monkeys (they are vicious, don't go anywhere near them, leave them alone), Matt was straight off the boat and straight up to the monkeys taking photos while BG and I tried to at least keep his stuff out of their inquisitive reach! He at least managed not to be attacked unlike another girl who had what we thought was her iPad stolen by one of the monkeys. She went after it and literally had a scrap with said monkey to get it back while the rest of us watched in horror as it hissed and scratched. Eventually she got it back, 'it' being a towel! We couldn't believe she'd risked being attacked over a towel and as Matt said, 'stay clear of her Cous, she's probably got rabies now.', and a group pact was made (out of her earshot of course) to push her overboard if she started foaming at the mouth.
The next hour was spent with a dip in the water (luckily the monkeys didn't like getting wet) before we were back on the boat and heading to another island where we were to spend the night. After another big lunch our guide informed us it was time for the afternoon hike through a nature park which everyone was excited about. Well, everyone apart from me - 'are we allowed to stay here and watch TV?' excellent. So I spent a happy couple of hours chilling while everyone else walked up a hill with a crazy sounding guide nicknamed the Monkey Man, took some photos at the top and walked back down again - boring!
After another feed we were back out and soon found a really cool street stall selling nothing but bottles of locally brewed beer for 30p each. It was just our group and the locals sitting on primary school sized plastic stools drinking beer until it literally ran out! The evening was pretty much spent with everyone telling embarrassing stories, 'I knew this friend who...', everyone horrified that that could happen, pregnant pause, Matthew Sam 'well, that can happen to anyone. There was this one time...'. Let's just say, I learnt WAY MORE than anyone should ever learn about a member of their own family that night but along with everyone else, had a stitch from laughing so much. Before we knew it, the beer had run out and we found ourselves in a bar overlooking the bay with the boys playing pool (me: BG I want to play too. BG: Really? In front of all these people? He had a point). As the bar kicked us out and we realised there was literally nowhere left to go except bed, the boys managed to find a street stall selling meat sandwiches (it was no more specific than that, my money's on cat) and after cleaning them out, we eventually headed to bed.
Next morning and it was time to head back to Hanoi. After keeping everyone waiting for just twenty minutes, I was back in the mini bus and we were on our way. The three hour journey was pretty much spent with me and Matt arguing about who was Diddee's (our grandma) favourite grandchild, much to the amusement of everyone else who all joined in the debate. I was in the lead until it tuned out that Diddee had given Matt £10 holiday money for his trip to Vietnam even though I'd got nothing for a six month trip. Everyone on the bus was in fits of laughter as I was absolutely livid, determined to call her as soon as we got back to our hotel and reassert myself as grandchild number one.
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Jill xxx Genius as always. Now - do I edit this for Diddee to read or give it to her straight! Love & miss you. x