So after over a month of avoiding all long bus journeys with one excuse after another, the time had come when neither BG or the budget could take it any more and I reluctantly accompanied BG to book the seven hour bus trip from Luang Prabang down to the Laos capital, Vientiane. I couldn't complain about the price, £5 each including door to door service so at 7am we were picked up from our lovely guesthouse in a tuk tuk and taken to the bus station. While I was dreading even seeing our (VIP) bus, BG couldn't wait and was eagerly trying to guess which one was ours, whether it had kitch curtains, what colour it would be and whether it was pimped with any fairy lights. Once on board, BG was more than happy as it had all the above. Unfortunately was it lacked was suspension and leg room which five minutes in, he wasn't worried about - quite a different story by the end of the trip let me assure you!

We'd heard that this bus journey was one of the most scary in Asia as it had to cross a mountain range on extremely narrow roads. Assuming that the driver would obviously take due care to compensate, it soon became clear that this was not the case. While BG fell asleep (against the window - see the pics, one of my finest!), I sat clutching my seat in horror as we climbed higher and higher, getting faster and faster with the roads getting narrower and narrower. While we were literally driving along the very edge of a drop of hundreds of feet at about 60mph (no need to slow down to take corners apparently) I actually started praying! So convinced we were going to die, I mentally planned my funeral and tried to remember if anyone knew that I wanted a pale pink coffin and thought about what songs I would want played. All the while BG was drooling down the window completely oblivious. Trying to calm myself, I thought about all the times this bus journey was made and how the driver would obviously know what he was doing. This seemed to be working until we turned another corner to see a lorry which had crashed into the side of the mountain. The driver was still in the driving seat and quite clearly dead. I decided that if I was going to suffer, so was BG and immediately woke him up and chastised him for falling asleep for what were probably his final moments on earth. We suffered the rest of the mountain range together both praying that we made it across in one piece.

The rest of the journey was fairly uneventful. An alfresco pee stop in the mountains was actually quite beautiful (although the hens and chicks around us were quite off putting). Stopping halfway in a shack for lunch we helped ourselves to grey gloop (included in the ticket price!) and eventually rolled into Vientiane only a couple of hours late (we soon learnt to add three hours onto any journey time as described by a travel agent!).

The next day we headed to a charity called COPE (www.copelaos.org) which educated about the dangers of landmines as well as helping Laos citizens with disabilities. Split into an interactive museum and medical centre, we were shown around the museum by one of the guides who was really friendly and helpful. Although poorly funded, the museum was really amazing and innovative with examples of all the different types of bombs and landmines, and an exploding bomb suspended from the ceiling which really drove home the impact a single bomb had. The saddest thing about it was that all the landmines were dropped by American bombers over an eight year period during the Vietnam war even though Laos was not involved in the war. Laos was unofficially peppered to stop VC forces using Laos as a side route as it runs alongside the border. 260 million bombs were dropped here, 80 million of which did not explode and are still being cleared by hand even today. Seeing all the statistics was really quite scary and it seemed amazing to us that you don't really hear about it at home, and that the Americans aren't helping clear the remaining bombs. What's worse, is that the medical system here is so bad that if children (it's mostly children and farmers who are affected) step on a bomb even today, they do not have the medical facilities to treat them and they are often turned away from local doctors and sent home to die. It was so sad to hear some of the stories. We then met a young guy being helped by the charity who was blind who was really funny. He was very impressed that BG was dating me and was mostly asking questions about what I looked like!

After quite a traumatic morning, we decided to head to a local swimming pool to cool off and chill in the afternoon. Our ticket included use of the gym (whatever), the outdoor pool and a Laos massage, all for a few pounds, bargain. While BG busted some moves in the gym, I swam amongst the millions of children in the pool, not quite as relaxing as I'd invisaged. After a nice and sweaty BG appeared and cooled off in the pool, we decided to go try the massage. Trying to convince myself that eventually I would grow to love massages in the way the rest of you do, we were led into a pitch black room and then left. Completely unsure what we were supposed to be doing, we waited nervously by door wondering if the darkness was all part of the Laos massage experience. Five minutes later, two girls came in with a tiny candle which meant we could see two beds next to each other. We fumbled our way over to them and led down (I was very pleased that the low light meant I couldn't see the hygiene level of the bed). What ensued was a full hour of pure torture in pitch black. Not really keen to create a relaxing atmosphere, the two girls nattered away to each other in Laos the whole time while pulling and contorting us in the most uncomfortable ways possible. At last it was over and we were led out into the reception for a cup of green tea which we sipped while debating the merits of a massage in the dark which we agreed was quite a novel concept. Finishing our tea, we made our way out of the centre only to realise that the whole place was in complete darkness - what we'd thought was an integral part of a Laos massage was actually a power cut, duh!

Later that night as we wandered the street looking for an authentic Laos eating joint. That was until we spotted an all American pizza place, right next to an ice-cream parlour. BG took a bit of persuading, but finally conceded that after a month of rice and noodles, it would be ok to eat here as long as it was just for one night! It was literally the best thing in the world and as BG lamented the amount of saturated fats he'd consumed, I waxed lyrical about western food and made hints that it was entirely necessary to visit the ice-cream place for pudding. Now, I'd never been to a Swensen's before and let me tell you, if you ever see one, you HAVE to visit. They actually have a menu of ice-cream (did you hear that Fifi, a whole menu!), and as you can see from the pics, I was beyond excited. Even BG conceded that it was completely brilliant and all thoughts of saturated fats abandoned, we both ordered a sunday (which let me tell you, did not disappoint!).

Next day over a delicious fruit smoothie BG announced that he'd found a tie-dye course that he'd like to do. Yep, you read that right. I've said it before, I'm sure I'll be saying it again in this blog but that boy is a maximum of 95% hetro. While I tried not to laugh, he sold it in to me and we decided to give it a go. Thinking it would be full of tourists, we got there to find that it was just the two of us and we had one to one tuition all day! First we had a tour of the centre which specialises in training local women in traditional Laos skills, an introduction to the Laos work ethic by the (Laos) woman who ran the centre, then it was onto the craft! First step was choosing the tie-dye pattern and colours we wanted to use - as you can see from the pics, we both took it very seriously as we tied our fabric in complicated knots to get the desired pattern. Next step was to drop the silk into a sunken vat of organic dye (BG was very specific about the exact shade that he wanted), put on a pair of rubber gloves (me: "BG these smell bad, do you think I can ask for a brand new pair?") and squish the dye into ever millimetre of the silk. With my weedy arms this took forever, and BG took great delight in mocking me long after his was finished as our guide kept telling me to keep going and that I wasn't finished yet. After rinsing all the dye out, it was the moment of truth as we unwrapped the scarf to reveal the patterns and colours and hung them up to dry (mine is the blue one, BG's is purple).

Next it was time to try our hand at a spot of weaving on amazing bamboo looms. Having watched the professionals do it, we sat down with our chosen colours and started to weave fabric. OMG, I loved it so much and could have sat there all day, sadly after fifteen minutes, BG's enthusiasm had started to decline and my career as a weaver came to an abrupt end! Still, an excellent day and good to try a spot of Laos craft!

Later that night we headed to the water front and were highly entertained by a group of children playing with kites. One particularly cute boy was loving the camera and gave BG many a photo opportunity as he whizzed past on his scooter grinning madly. The children here are awesome and super cute and have entertained us so much!

Next day BG headed to a temple to take some pics (boring) while I chilled and tried to mentally prepare myself for our first overnight bus journey later that day. We'd heard nothing but horror stories about this journey but there was no alternative to get to our next destination at the very southern tip of Laos.

After a last supper, we headed to the bus station (again, door to door service via a tuktuk!), and hoped for the best. Arriving, it was pretty clear that none of the buses were that great and we were in for a rough night. Having boarded the bus, I immediately needed the toilet and after the briefest of peeks around the door of the bus toilet, ran back into the bus station to use the loo in there. Hmmm, not much better than the one on the bus and as I squatted over the hole in the floor the smell was so bad that I started to feel faint. As silver dots started swimming in front of my eyes I willed myself to stay conscious so as to not end up falling onto the completely disgusting pee riddled floor. Thankfully I just managed to avoid fainting and ran back out desperate to wash my hands only to find that there was no sink or running water. Nearly in tears by this point, as the bus started revving it's engine I desperately ran around the bus station to buy a bottle of water and just managed to wash my hands before the bus pulled away. I think we can safely say that my sensitivity to public tickets and bad hygiene has not improved!

Getting back on the bus (trying not to cry), I then had to contend with BG telling me how awesome the bus was and how much fun it was going to be. One look at the two foot wide 'double bed', filthy pillows and bedding told me otherwise and BG 'helping' cheer me up by taking loads of photos of my grumpy mood was really not helpful! As the bus got going it was clear that our driver was a complete nutcase and did not do less than 60mph the whole way, regardless of the tight corners, oncoming traffic or potholes! Sleep was a complete none event as we were both squished together and had to turn in tandem 'BG I need to turn over... on the count of three, go...'. BG got thrown out of the bed after one particularly abrupt corner and I kept thinking about how many germs I was lying on. Disaster. We didn't sleep a wink, only to fall asleep as the bus drew to a stop at our destination at 8am. We're still not quite sure how it happened, but the driver had to come and wake us up after everyone else had got off the bus and collected their luggage! I think we must have been so tired that the second the bus stopped, we both fell into a deep sleep as everyone else got off - how embarrassing!

Unfortunately, this was only half the journey and we were then shepherded straight onto another bus and driven for another four hours to the very southern tip of Laos. It was then onto a very narrow long boat with all our luggage for a short boat ride to one of the 4000 islands that was to be our next resting place...