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Having decided to go for the two day boat option to get to Laos, we woke up bright and early, well just early in my case, and waited for a van to pick us up from our guesthouse. The nerves had really kicked in as we'd heard mixed things about this journey; the majority bad and included stories of sitting on wooden boxes, crates and even rice sacks for two days solid among various species of live stock. The first leg of the journey was 'just' an eight hour ride in a mini bus to a 'hotel' close to the river where we would be getting on the dreaded boat. When booking our boat tickets, I'd made a desperate (masked as casual) enquiry regarding this 'hotel' and was not reassured to be told it was "basic but ok". Given the state of the VIP buses we had frequented, the idea of basic was ringing alarm bells. However, given this trip was, amoung other things, intended to desensitise me to unsavoury accommodation, I had put on a brave face and nodded to a not- fooled-BG that this sounded fine (gulp).
Upon arrival it turned out that it was actually not so fine and despite my best efforts to sound positive (well, I guess it can't actually kill us) one look around the scuzzy shed with gaps in the walls, filthy mossie nets and linen and a concrete 'bathroom' that was less Shoreditch, more Auschwitz chic, I literally felt sick.
In my best casual voice ever, I backed slowly out of the room telling a still-not-fooled-BG that I was going for a look around and literally ran to reception to see if there was a better shed they could provide. £3 later and a despairing (but secretly pleased) BG and I were sat in a room made of actual bricks and mortar with a fridge, air-con and TV (although the bathroom was still concrete and dire). Meeting looks of confusion from our fellow travellers as I wheeled our luggage out of the shed less than 5 minutes after going inside, I proudly shared that for a mere £3 they too could upgrade to a much more inhabitable room. Expecting them to all reach for their purses (or money belts) and congratulate me for sharing such wonderful news, I was actually met with looks that quite clearly said spoilt princess, which just goes to show, stranger = DANGER.
Having severed all social ties with my outrageous demands of bricks and clean linen, the next morning we all piled back onto the mini bus to be taken to the dreaded boat. Having been filled with horror stories about what sitting on a piece of wood for two days can do to your lower region, BG had proudly purchased two cushions, his a vintage 70s style floral number and mine a hideous pink thing with a huge teddy on it because (and here I took great offence) I was a girl.
As the heavens opened, the bus swung to a stop and with the most limited instruction and aggressive pointing by our delightful driver, we deduced that we had to get to the other side of the river. Queuing up in the torrential rain to get our passport stamped for exiting Thailand, we were then ushered onto a very wet and very precarious long boat to cross the river. Once on the other side, we had to pay for our Laos visa which was not a fun experience. Not sure whether we were at the 'real' crossing or not (as we had be warned against fake crossings charging more cash) we put up a huge fight before realising that it was all legit, paid our money and got our visas to enter Laos. The group then converged in a manky cafe to meet our second host who attempted to get everyone to hand their passports to him while he sorted out the documentation. Horrified to see everyone else just hand them over without question, BG and I endeared ourselves to him by demanding that we come with him and do it ourselves. After a very public dressing down in front of the entire group, he finally conceded and after telling everyone that we would hold them up even further, (thus killing any last hope of social interaction, hooray!), told us to follow him.
An hour later (why do they make us get up so early only to keep us waiting for ages?), we were finally told that the moment of reckoning had come; it was time to board the boat. The entire group looked horrified as we made our way down to the water and heaved our luggage onto a small wooden boat and went inside with trepidation. However, actually not so bad and I now wonder if all the horror stories were there to make you sigh with relief when you get inside. Not without it's quirks, the boat comprised of row upon row of old car seats, some nailed to he floor, some not which, although strange to see in a boat, were actually very comfy and you could hear a collective sigh of relief as everyone realised that the next two days would not be spent on a wooden bench amongst chickens.
The following six hours were spent cruising along the chocolate brown (think Willy Wonka) river at a very casual, slow pace. Thankfully the rain had stopped and as the boat had a roof, a floor and not much in between, we were able to enjoy the view and feel the sun and breeze on our skin as we took in the amazing landscape. Now, as most of you know, I'm not one for landscapes. I think they are dull and better enjoyed on google images where the view is optimised and the photo digitally enhanced for my enjoyment. I have to concede though, that this view was spectacular the whole day long. Swirling brown waters, grazing water buffalo, blue skies against an orange river and local people floating on adjacent boats and floating houses and jetties ensured that we did not get bored for the entire six hours. I will let BG's pics do the talking here.
Six lazy hours later and we were pulling into the village where we were to spend the night. Having done my research, I knew there was only one place to stay and that space would be limited. With this in mind, BG was made to collect his luggage and wait at the front of the boat with me as we pulled in to give us the competitive edge. With a short pep talk, 'BG, ignore all guesthouse owners, do not let anyone carry your bag for you, do not allow yourself to become distracted, do not let anyone overtake us', we powered up the steep hill with our bags until we found our place of choice. First there, we had our pick of the rooms and happily settled in with that glorious feeling of success (or in BG's case, the feeling that, thank God, he didn't have to deal with the fall out of us not getting a room there).
Next challenge, supper. Again, thanks to my research (God is in the detail), I knew there was only one place to go and that all other restaurants would be an awful dining experience. One problem, the restaurant in question was an Indian (in Laos??) and I hate Indian food. Resigned to eating a dismal supper, we walked the limited street/hill to do the best we could and decided that the place with the most fairy lights would win our business. When a spectacularly illuminated place came into view we thought we had struck gold. On closer inspection, said restaurant was covered in enticing signs such as 'g'day mate', 'lovely jubbly' and 'my wife she good cook'. Any normal person would have turned away at this point but the lights really were so pretty that we followed them in regardless (don't forget that my boyfriend is only 95% heterosexual). Passing the 'kitchen' (one stove partially shielded by a bamboo screen), we saw two women going hell for leather over the solitary wok which did nothing to ease our fears. Seated at a table by an adorable seven year old waitress with her brothers and sisters in tow, we perused our first Laos menu and ordered the local delicacies, Lak and Buffalo curry.
Twenty minutes later and our mini waitress and her dad brought our dishes over and... I can honesty say that they were the best meals we've eaten the entire trip so far. Lak was a mix of seasoned mince and garlic with fresh herbs, salad leaves and bean sprouts, really fresh and healthy. The buffalo meat literally melted in our mouths and was delicious. We couldn't believe that such great food could be produced on a single wok! Turns out the guy was right, his wife is good cook and both dishes were indeed lovely jubbly!
Next morning, we were back on board at 8.30 and spent a further nine hours on the river. Again with glorious weather, the scenery kept us entertained all day and we finally chugged into Luang Prabang at 6pm looking forward to sampling more Laos food and more importantly, going to its famous bakeries we'd heard so much about...
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Jill I love it & I love you! x
Mamma Amazing you always make me laugh look forward to what's coming next Mum xx
Jill xxxxx Who is this Mamma interloper I want to know??