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So, goodbye Siem Reap, your temples are a wonder. Less wonderful but just as amazing is the array of pillocks who come to see them.
One of my motivations for this big trip was to scrub out the sensation that I ha somehow missed out by not doing the travelling thing when I was younger.
I felt the urge to see my passport start to look like an old sailor's arm with all the visa stamps, to scare myself a bit, to understand other cultures and points of view. This was what other people had said they got from their travels and, to be fair I've done well (so far) to do just that.
But, boy was I stupid. This is what people say, bit it's rarely what they do.
Everything you could ever want to see in the whole world has now been thoroughly commoditised to milk the wealthy western tourist. So the 18 to 21 brigade mainly read their Rough Guide/Lonely Planet, pick out the obvious bits, preferably the cheap bits, and do a bit of that. Then they go to the coolest bar and get battered, until their money runs out. The voyage of personal discovery for them is about being away from adults and managing their cash. The cultural bit is a nice justification for parents and future employers.
My guide Rom slowly opened my eyes to the realities of this. I had to be up by 5am yesterday to catch Angkor Wat at sunrise. Why? Because this is What You Do. But I didn't get up early to see the Alhambra in Granada? Er, no, but this is what you do. All the books, guides, blurb and so forth say so.
So predictable were all the tourists that Rom could literally tell the time from them. This is not even a slight exaggeration. I asked him what time it was and he promptly replied eight o'clock without looking at his watch. How do you know? Look over there, the Koreans have just arrived. I dug out my phone. It was 8.02.
Rom's trick was to game the system, for example arriving at the west gate, where there wasn't a single soul, as opposed to the east which was rammed with people, all trying to capture the same photo with the reflection coming off the pool (if you've ever been put through holiday snaps from here you'll know the one).
Later on he suggested grabbing a quick nap for 10 minutes. It had been a very early start but our itinerary was tight so I was a bit surprised, but like an old fisherman reading a lake, he knew.
Suddenly, the place was empty again. Why? The early risers staying at hotels had to get back so they didn't miss their 'inclusive' breakfasts.
I won't say any more, however, in case this gets into enemy hands. I'd like the west gate to be all quiet for me if I ever come back.
One other thing about Rom. He's not a man of humour in any way, shape or form, but even with English as his second language he knew how to put people at their ease.
We were trying to climb down from a particularly tall temple (we had to see this one at sunset) and he noticed a very mature and statuesque American lady struggling to clamber down. She was hot and embarrassed and cross with herself. He went over and said hello.
We tour guides have a saying, he said with a smile. On the way up you need four wheel drive. He ostensibly stretched out his two arms and waggled his feet. But on the way down you need five wheel drive. Then he deliberately sat down on his bum, grinned to her and then started to shuffle down on his backside. Smiles all round. End of embarrassment. Good man.
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